Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Brady's Brick Square

Do you ever watch “The Brady Bunch” after work?

And after watching the jam cook off with Alice and Mrs. Brady, you are troubled with the square brink opening in the kitchen, next to the double ovens.

What is that thing?

I feel like I have watched every episode and never at anytime has that hollow brink square been addressed. And as an avid watcher I feel like I need answers Mike Brady. You are the one who designed this house, so spill it!

What is that thing? Is it some sort of “dumb waiter”? And if so why haven’t the Brady children been using that to get to the bedrooms instead of climbing all those pesky stairs? Especially “older Greg” because his bedroom is all the way up in the attic and he could use a lift.

I can’t even enjoy a complete episode anymore because I am so fixated on trying to figure out what that thing is.

Can anyone help me out on this?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Daisy Dukes

So here is something that made me laugh today...

So in honor of Pioneer Day I told my co-workers that we should all dress up like cowboys tomorrow. But I gave them a stern warning that no one should wear their “Daisy Duke” shorts or they would get in trouble.

Then one of my co-worker asked, “Oh "Daisy Dukes" shorts, like the girl from “The Dukes of Hazzard" wore? What was her name again?”

And I’m all, “Um...Daisy Duke.”

And then we all laughed at her until she started crying.

Highlight of my day.

"Come on baby, kick them Daises"

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Fight or Flight Response

Are you ever amazed at your body’s fight or flight reactions? Mine are so weird.

Every time I go see a scary movie I am baffled by what my body does instinctually when confronted with fear.

As I am watching a movie and someone in the movie is walking done a dark hallway, and I know at any second a monster is going to jump out and kill them, here is what my body does: My legs pull up to my chest, followed by my pointer fingers inserting themselves into my ears, while the rest of my hands extend over my eyes, but not really covering my eyes completely, they do more like a “jazz hands” thing, so I can still see what is about to happen.

And then once the monster does jumps out to kill the person walking down the hallway, my body lets out an audible gasp. I am not talking about a quick breath inward; I am talking about a full on sound of a vacuum cleaner gasping, it is loud and usually causes a few stares. I honestly have been known to suck up pieces of popcorn and candy from the person sitting in front of me. It’s that powerful.

And then for some odd reason my legs jet forward, while my arms fly out to my side. I have injured the person next to me multiple times, and have launched the person in front of me out of their seat.

I am not sure what my body thinks it is accomplishing when it does all these things, but I worry that if a monster sneaks into my house to kill me, my first response is going to be me in the fetal position, with my hands covering my eyes, taking in huge breaths, and flailing my limbs every which way.

I could be wrong, but I don’t know if that is really going to help me survive the attack, do you?

Monday, July 12, 2010

The Recital

Well friends Saturday was the big recital. I can’t tell you how nervous I was. I dreaded it all day long.

I really considered purposely getting into a car accident so I wouldn’t have to go. And the beauty of it is that when my voice teacher asked why I didn’t show up, I could just say, “I would have loved to have come, but you know I got in a car accident”.

I kept thinking about all the terrible things that could go wrong while singing, like forgetting the words to the song like my friend John Dakers did at his recital, passing out, or getting explosive diarrhea when I hit my really high note.

Lately, I have struggle with voice lessons because I really haven’t felt like I sound anything like I have wanted to, a mixture of Josh Groban, Axel Rose, and the BYU Young Ambassadors. I just sound like boring Robierto from the block, and who would want to listen to that?

Well I sang my song and I don’t really know how it went because I kind of zoned out during my entire song. All I know is that no one walked out, booed, or got explosive diarrhea when I hit my high note.

Sadly, I didn’t invite anyone I knew to my recital because I was pretty sure they would have given me the oligatory “Good job” and “You are my favorite singer besides Axel Rose”. But afterwards I felt like I needed someone to rate me, judge me, or tell me how I did. Where is that Simon Cowell when you need him?

Afterwards I walked dejectedly out to my car unsure of how I did, unsure if I really wanted to continue talking voice lessons, and felt downright scared I just didn’t do very well.

But as I waked toward my car a man grabbed my arm and said, “You did a good job in there.”

Sometimes I appreciate a perfect stranger giving me a compliment because you know they wouldn’t say anything unless they actually feel like it was warranted.

As I drove home singing “Pour Some Sugar on Me” I was grateful for this man who inspired me to continue on my journey of developing my talents. Thanks stinky homeless man, for your kindness has made all the difference.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The Voice Lesson

So I have been taking voice lessons for the last year. I have to say, I am not the most confident of singers in the world. In fact, singing in a small room, with one person who critiques everything about the way you sing is a little unnerving.

I know I am not the best singer in the world and there have been moments that I have wanted to quit because I can’t hear that I am really improving. But my voice teacher tells me things like, “You are doing great!”, “You sing like a young Justin Bieber” and “You really made that song your own” so I have kept at it, because obviously she is seeing something I am not.

So this week I arrived early to my voice lessons because I didn’t need the usual positive self-talk session that I require before each voice lesson (I usually have to sit in my car, look at myself in my rear view mirror and talk calming words to my inner child so I can make it through the next half hour singing my guts out, while sweating buckets).

So as I sat outside my voice teacher’s studio door I listened to the last part of the girl who has voice lessons before me. She was singing a song that I didn’t recognize, but after listening to the lyrics I realized it was a Taylor Swift song, which I liked until I heard her sing it. Bless her heart, she couldn’t hit a right note if there was only one key on a piano. It was painful to listen to, but she sang with such vigor that I had to admire her courage to sing that way in front of an actual human being.

After she finished her off key rendition of the massacred Taylor Swift song, I was anxious to hear what my voice teacher would say to her. And here are the words that fell from her lips, “You are doing great!” “You sing like a young Taylor Swift”, and “You made that song your own”.

I sat there in shock. These are the same words she says to me almost weekly. Was I the male version of this young girl? Do I sound so bad that the only way she can get her “short bus” vocal student to come back is by stroking their already fragile singing egos? How dare she turn her vocal studio into a den of lies!

Needless to say, the whole experience has left me a little uneasy about my recital on Saturday.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

The Cowboy Hip-Hop

Sometimes a YouTube video comes along that just needs to be shared.

Cowboy Hip-Hop. This new dance craze has got me straight up trippin’ boo!

A couple of things to look for:

· I love the out fits of all the dancers but especially the really tall lady with the shoulders missing from her shirt, Heidi I think her name is, and the lead dancer with spandex short underneath her denim shorts. That’s hot.

· The introduction of her backup dancers is very memorable but watch specifically for the sweet moves coming from Heidi and Jaime. Priceless.

· Painful moments: When she says “That’s Jammin’”, the "Country Running Man", and the variation on the "Rodger Rabbit". Wow, hard to watch, but well worth it if you can stick it out.I wonder why country hip hop never caught on?

I will say that on “So You Think You Can Dance?” this year, someone actually tried out doing country hip-hop…he was cut within 10 seconds of his dance.

Now that’s Jammin’!