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Showing posts from May, 2012

The Lavatory Leg Rest

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Has this ever happened to you as you walk into a bathroom?
You sit down on the toilet and think to yourself, “This toilet is wonderfully comfortable, but what about my feets? I have walked from the couch to the bathroom and my feet are in need of a well needed rest!
Well friends wait no longer, for today I would like to introduce you to “Lavatory Leg Rest”.
That’s right friends; No longer do your feet need to be in pain unnecessarily while your bottom is sweetly cooled by the porcelain of your toilet. Your feet can now get in on the sweet relaxation, that is the whole body, (well at least your lower extremity) bathroom experience.  
Everyone is getting one today. You’re getting one. You’re getting one, and you’re getting one. (Pause. Wait for people to scream raucously. OK)
That’s right friends, everyone is getting a “Lavatory Leg Rest”…or you can just stop by my mom’s house and take the one she has in her guest bathroom. 
Seriously, It’s my favorite part of visiting my parents.

The Cutting of the Cheese

So yesterday our ward got to serve at the LDS Dairy, packing cheese
And do you know what my job was?
Wrong. I didn’t pack the cheese. I got to cut the cheese.
I cut cheese for 5 solid hours. And friends, I cut it long and I cut it hard.
The supervisor said that she had never seen anyone cut the cheese as well as I did. She said that I had a real talent in cutting the cheese.
Although, I always knew that I had some natural raw talent in cutting cheese, as I cut cheese at home on occasion, it was nice that someone else acknowledged my gift.
Sometimes, people get angry when I cut cheese around them, but why should I hid this talent under a bushel? Shouldn’t I let it shine as the primary song says?
If you are looking to have someone cut cheese at your next party or family gathering please call me.
If you have never been a 14 year old boy you may not appreciate this entry as much as you should.
In all seriousness, at the dairy they use such phrases as: “Who wants to volunteer to cut chees…

The C02 Leak

So I had a really scary thing happen to me over the weekend that changed me in a deep and profound way for at least 5 hours.
Friday night before I went to be bed I partied and had a Coke. A beverage I don’t drink very often, so when I do drink it I get the “shakes” and can’t sleep for days.
So Saturday morning at 4:00 am my smoke alarm starts beeping. So I checked my house and nothing was on fire or smoldering (unless you count that smokin’ hot tall guy with the Coke hangover and pajama bottoms).
So I looked on my smoke alarm and my CO2 light was flashing. So I rushed around my house and opened all my doors and windows to get out this C02 that was infiltrating my house. (I don’t really know what C02 is…but isn’t the stuff that makes Coke fizzy. How could that be bad for you?
I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn’t and my C02 alarm kept beeping. So I decided to do what any brave man would, I evacuated my house and called my father. He said that I needed to call the fire depart…