Thursday, July 11, 2013

The 20 Year Reunion

So this weekend was my 20 year high school reunion.  An event that has filled me with anxiety lo’ these past few weeks.

Let me describe to you how I perceived myself in high school. I never thought I was popular enough. I had a lot of acquaintances, but very few real friends. I worried every day of my high school career about who I was going to eat lunch with. I remember feeling insecure, wondering if I was a good enough student, if I was athletic enough, if I was talented enough. In short I just never felt like I was “enough”.

But after 20 years I feel a lot better about myself. I have accomplished some pretty amazing things in the last 20 years. Currently, think I have more self confidence then I have ever had in my life. So why wouldn't I want to go to my 20 high school reunion? I am freakin’ awesome! (toe touch)

So on my way to the reunion I was feeling really good about my self and my decision to attend, because after all I was no longer that insecure 18 years old boy any more, I was a confident man. And I was sure that everyone would feel the same way.

Plus 20 years had past and we were all different people. I felt like I could look past all the stereotypes, the social cast system, if you will, that I held to so strongly to in high school. I was excited to get to know people not for who they were in high school, but who they are today.

I held this belief all the way to the front door, and as I entered the reunion, that scared, insecure 18 year old showed up at the party. All of sudden I felt insecure and scared. Afraid that I wasn't enough and that no one would want to talk to lowly Robierto in all his weakness and insecurities.

And to add insult to injury, I started putting my high school chums back into the social categories that I once held them to: jock, nerd, stoner, nose picker, popular, class clown. And I started to think badly about those that had snubbed me or who didn't want to be friends with me 20 years ago, that's right 20 years ago.

Needless to say I didn't stay for long, I couldn't wait to get away from this awkward situation that reminded me who I once was, and not who I am today. I felt like I had let myself down, but worst of all I had let my classmates down because I wasn't strong enough to see past who they once were either.

I am hoping that in 20 more years I will have changed and the scars from high school will have healed...but I am not counting on it, social scars are almost too deep to heal.