Sunday, May 31, 2015

The Phlebotimist Blind Date Request

So here is something that happened to me last Saturday that has troubled me lo these many days.

I went to go give blood as I am oft to do, because I am an amazing person who gives of himself. As part of the screening process, as you may know, you are required to go into a tiny room, well more like a closet, to go through a very rigorous screening process and answer some very personal questions.

So there I was, sitting literally knee to knee with this phlebotimist, trying to make awkward small talk about things like, oh I don't, how uncomfortable I am with being in tiny spaces with complete strangers, when I let slip that I was "single". Now, I am convinced no one should reveal among those who are married, because when that little nugget of information is out there friends, you know a blind date invitation will soon follow. Am I right?

As predicted, she put down her stethoscope and blood pressure cuff, and said, "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure", I said, knowing what her next question was going to be.

"Can I set you up with my sister?"

Now, let me press pause here friends. Don't you think that is totally weird? I mean this women doesn't even know me. For all she knows, I could be smuggling pandas illegally in the country or have a dangerous addiction to crunchy Cheetos, she doesn't know

I mean, what does this women really know about me? Sure, she may know my sexual history, where I have traveled in the last 3-6 years, if I have been to jail in the last 12 months, had a tattoo or piercing, what medications I am currently taking, and my blood pressure...OK...that is...that is actually some good information to have about someone. Even still...

It is one thing when friends and family members try to set you up, but I will be darned if I will allow my phlebotimist to be one of those people.

Needless to say, I turned her down cold, which resulted in a very painful blood draw. Never make a person with a needle angry. Can you even draw blood through someones forehead? It's hard to say really.

Any way, people are getting pretty sloppy with their set ups.
Let's tighten that up people.
Tighten it up.

3 comments:

strangelynaked.com said...

You goofed. Don't turn anyone down cold, you should give them a reason to retract their offer. "I would love to be set up! Is she into collecting an absurd amount of stuffed animals stacked in the backseat of her car!?!" "Great idea! What types of soap does she prefer to use to scrub her under-butt?" "Sweet, how much can she dead-lift? I'm at 78 ounces." You can confuse people out of setting you up, particularly if they're going to jab a needle into your arm.

Jill said...

Yes!! Another blog post!! Ok yes that was weird. Just because you are single and her sister is single doesn't mean you will be compatible! Lol

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