The Greatness of Me

Do you ever do something that you would consider incredibly charitable? So charitable in fact, you feel like at anytime you will be sucked right up into heaven? And then someone  reminds that you definitely belong down here on earth with all the other turkeys? I had such an occasion as I went to go see a play over to the Hale Center Theater.

I had taken my seat and was reading over the program when I realized that I had to go to the little boys room. But as l looked down the aisle to my left there was a little old lady that looked like she had just underwent her fourth hip replacement surgery. And as I looked to my right there was a man who was on crutches.
So no matter which way I went I was going to have to make one of these good people get up out of their chairs so I could get out of the aisle. I couldn’t even do the awkward shimmy past them, because heaven forbid they make aisles wide enough so people can move in and out with ease of movement.

I decided to do a “Dukes of Hazzard Leap” to the aisle behind me, which had no people in it at all, and make my escape that way.

At this point I was feeling pretty good about my charitable maneuver. On the way to the lou, I couldn’t help but think how kind of a person I was. Most people wouldn’t have given a second thought to making my elderly and handicapped “aisle friends” get up so I could leave. But not this cowboy, I was concerned about the little people, and that’s what makes me a such a good…no, GREAT person. More people should be as kind and thoughtful as I was. I am FANTASTIC!

As I came back into the theater the usher gently grabbed my elbow and pulled me to the side. And I thought he would say something like, “Sir, thank you for being so thoughtful of our elderly and handicapped guests. Because of how good…no I am sorry, GREAT you are, we would like to offer you free popcorn and season tickets for life.”

And then I would respond by saying, “Oh, good friend, I don’t need any type of incentive for being as great as I am. It’s just my nature. I care about the little guy. I don’t need any incentives for what…well actually, I don’t need the popcorn, but I think I will take those free season tickets.”

What he actually said was, “Sir, I saw you step over the aisle and I have to tell you it scared me and many of our other guests. And I am going to have to ask that you refrain from doing that because of the safety hazard it causes.”  Oh yeah, did I also mention the usher was like 16 years old. There is nothing so embarrassing as being reprimanded by someone half your age.

So I walked back to my seat, making the older lady with the four hip replacement surgeries get up out of her chair so I could move past her.

Is it possible that I am not as good as I think I am? 
Anything is possible, right?

But why did the usher have to make me cry like that?




Comments

Sara White said…
Wow. That IS scary. How dare you climb over the chairs like that! My heart skipped a beat when reading you took a chance like that. Thank goodness to your 16 year old guardian angle who was watching over you. Besides, don't you remember that 16 year olds know everything?
January 10, 2011 at 8:45 AM
Carrot Jello said…
I hope you had someone to hold you after that.
January 10, 2011 at 9:21 AM
kjgray75 said…
I am a true fan of Hale Center Theater, but they certainly have their fair share of elderly patrons, don't they. On a completely unrelated subject, I watched "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers" the other night. What a moving musical! "Which one of the boys slept in this bed, do you suppose?" Yes, Dorcas will forever be our favorite slut!
January 10, 2011 at 9:15 PM
Nathan said…
I love how he made it sound like he had taken a poll of the audience while you were ... otherwise occupied ... and had to deliver the statistical results to you.

I'd laugh if the entire room held their collective breath while you leaped over the aisle.
January 13, 2011 at 8:01 AM
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