The Things I Wish to Say

Do you ever wish that you were braver then you actually were and you could say the things that you are really thinking instead of hiding behind political correctness or being nice?

I do that a lot. Sometimes I sit and think of cleaver things that I wish I would have said in certain situations. I think this is why I usually only get six hours of sleep each night.

So I share them now with you, hoping that amongst my readers there are at least two of you who are heartless and could use these in your every day conversations.

1- “Unclean!” To be shouted from your bathroom stall when you know the person that was next to you a few moments ago didn’t wash their hands.

2- “Hey, baby your too beautiful to smoke.” To be said whenever you pull up next to a lady who is smoking in a convertible. Oh, and you need to say this like Barry White.

3- “Umm, yeah, buddy, I don’t know if you are aware, but, uh, YOUR CAR IS ON FIRE!” To be shouted to anyone who has a muffler that is pumping out more smoke than exhaust.

4- “Ah, sir you dropped this, and I am pretty sure you meant to put it in the proper receptacle”. To be said to anyone who flicks there ciggie on the sidewalk or out their car window.

5- “I have no response to that” To be said after someone comments in your Sunday School class after a twenty minute tangent about something that has nothing to do with your lesson.

6- “Oh, grow a set” To be said whenever anyone complains about something I ask them to do, like massage my feet.

7- “I don’t know who you are, or where you come from. But from now on, you will do as I tell you. OK?” To be said to any child who gives me back talk.

8- “Oh really? Well then you don’t know how to “kid” properly, because we both should be laughing.” To be said whenever anyone gives me a backhanded compliment, and then follows it up with “I’m only kiddin”.

9- “Are you crying? Really? Oh my…are you really crying?" To be said whenever anyone cries over a Nicholas Sparks movie.

10 “Your words are like fists. So please keep your hands to yourself.” To be said whenever anyone says my sexual harassment presentation was boring.

Take them for what their worth. And let me know if they gave you any satisfaction saying them aloud.