Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Bad Case of the "Literally"

So I ran into this women the other day, she was fine, but why was she standing behind my door like that? After she pulled herself off the floor, she immediately and unnecessarily started telling me everything that was going on in her life. While I listened to an endless narration about herself; I thought “This chick surely uses the word “literally” a lot.

Don’t worry about my head,” She said “I literally have been hit in the head over 53 times, I’m telling ya, literally blunt force drama right across the kisser...literally 53 times. It literally feels great! Oh Robierto, How are you? It doesn’t matter, because I am literally the best I have ever been. I literally was thinking about you the other day, and I said Robierto is literally one of the best people that I know (OK, she didn’t really say this part, but I am writing the story, so shut up). I literally just got done with my literature class and literally it has changed my life, literally…

I don’t think the word “literally” means what she thinks it means”, I thought.

She literally gave me such a headache that I had to go take a nap for literally an hour. I mean, standing there listening to her talk made me want to literally blow my head right off.

I literally feel like…wait, ugh, DARN YOU “LITERALWOMEN”! DARN YOU ALL TO HECK!