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Showing posts from August, 2009

The Orange Hat

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Oh friends I have such news! Remember like a year ago when I blogged about a man who used to ride trax with me into work and each day he would show up wearing an orange styrofoam novelty cowboy hat? Remember? Here is a link just in case you missed out on that choice entry.I haven’t seen my cowboy friend for quite some time and I began to worry that perhaps he died of some sort of styrofoam related illness because, as we all know from jr. high health class, sweat + sun + Styrofoam = Cancer.But guess what friends? We have had a sighting of my friend and I can report that he is doing well and is sporting the same orange Styrofoam novelty cowboy hat, albeit a little dilapidated from all that use and sun damage. But if you will notice he has pinned it up in front, like a old prospector, so he can see where he is going.It brings my heart such joy to see him working that hat. I love it when people are not bound by the fashion sense of normal society.Shine on you crazy diamond. Shine on!

The Lack of Cable

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So last week I was sick. It was hard, but I pulled through. But one of the great things of being sick is just lying down on the couch and watching some good day time TV. Am I right? With that in mind, I refuse to buy cable because it is trash and full of naked people, well that, and I can’t afford it. So my TV watching consists mostly of whatever my antenna can pick up I have made a list of the Highlights and Lowlights of my day time TV watching:Highlights:The Cosby Show: Friends I never tire of this little jem. I am always surprised how this show still holds up after all these years. I caught the episode where Rudy’s goldfish died. Hilarity ensued.The Bonnie Hunt Show: I didn’t know she had her own show. But you Bonnie, you sweet sister are a delight!The Wendy Williams Show: I don’t know who this chic is but she was dang funny. Check it.Ellen: Bless this woman. Her show is the best. I never am home to partake of it’s goodness but she has it goin’on.Lowlights:Court shows: What in the.…

Ferrets: The Pursuit of Excellence

So the other night I was flipping through the channels and landed on this sweet sister singing about her ferret. You heard me correctly, I said ferret. So without further adieu…
And then, you can imagine my shock when they continued on this theme. Listen to your feelings as you watch. Everything within me revolts…
What in the…What? OK, so I am not a ferret owner, so I may be speaking out of turn here, but aren’t ferrets wild animals? And as such, shouldn’t they be biting and scratching the crap out of these strange people?I love animals just as much as the next guy but…seriously? Dressing up your ferret in hula gear and singing songs about them without a functional supportive undergarment (it’s called a brassiere sweet sister, how bout we strap one on for the sake of your ferret) rides a very fine line of crossing over into absolute insanity. Am I right?I know there are a lonely people out there, and I would rather step on my tongue than to criticize others but, come on…GET A LIFE!By th…

The Circle of Life

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Remember that time when you were driving into work and the Disney classic “The Circle of Life” comes on? And from “Na si when ya, mama beach ama ba. Sica boom yema why” (this is purely phonetic spelling of course) something different comes over you, a special something that you never have experienced before. And all of a sudden, mid-freeway commute, you just start sobbing because even though they are speaking in some African language with clicks, and grunts you understand what they are singing about and it touches your soul in a deep and profound way.

But suddenly, mid-cry, you realize that you need to stop feeling this way because with tears in your eyes it magnifies everything and so your following distance becomes impaired, and little Geo Prizms start to look like semi-tracker trailers.

Has this every happened to you? It was so strange and caught me completely off guard. It must mean something but I am not sure what to make of it. Do I need to go to Africa and hold a baby lion to th…

The Demolition Derby

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There are a couple of things in life that bring me back to my roots and truly make me feel like an American. Whenever I hear “Call of the Common” by Aaron Copland, attend a rodeo, or sing “The Star Spangled Banner” I feel uniquely American and want to put my hand on my heart and do a hitch kick.Over the weekend I found another little activity that is uniquely American and brought me back to my very basic human instincts. It is called the “Demolition Derby” and friends if you haven’t attended this little activity at your local fair, I have to ask, what are you waiting for?I don’t know where all the people who attend the Demolition Derby hide on the off season, but they come out in full force come game day. You know the crowd, the woman who has a cigarette in one hand, and a new born baby in the other, wearing a Coors Light tube top. The men who wear cowboy hats, and have multiple piercings, and tribal band tatoos up and down their arms. So all night you are trying to place their affili…

The Security Experience

So when they asked me to do "security" at the new Temple by my house at 3:00 am this morning they acted a little put out when I arrived in my military fatigues and face paint.
Come on elders let's take this party up a notch.
An P.S., I don't think they should release you from your security assignment just because you fire warning shots with your paint ball gun to morning runners taking a short cut through the temple parking lot.
Don't do the crime if you can't do the time, is what I always say.

The Singleness-ship

Ah, being single. Isn’t it funny how everyone around you feels sad for you because of your singleness-ship? Most people feel that every night you must go home to a lonely house filled with cats, fall upon your bed and cry yourselves to sleep every night.

Sure there are times that it gets lonely and you wish you had someone to spoon with, but for the most part, the majority of the “singles” I know live fairly normal and productive lives, well except that weird guy down the street who comes to church dressed as a Anakin Skywalker and refers to everyone as “Padawan (insert you name here)” in lo of the normal “brother” and “sister”.

So you can imagine that as a “single” I have heard some things from the “marrieds” that make me wonder how normal some of them are. Some of the things they say make me wonder how they ever got married in the first place with such poor social skills.

Now don’t misunderstand me, I know that most people mean well when they say things to those of use that are not mar…

The Recreational Wedding

So here’s something so random that happened to me last night.

I was doing my hour on the stationary bike at the Daybreak Recreation Center last night (Let’s never do that again. Friends, when you ride a bike let it never be stationary. I am not sure I will be able to have children after that uncomfortable seat experience.) when to my left I saw what appeared to be a women dressed in full-on wedding gear. The dress, the veil, the little flower girl in front of her, yep it was all there.

I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, but sure enough when I heard the wedding march music it was confirmed. This sweet sister was getting married at the Daybreak Recreation Center.

I thought surely she wasn’t getting married in the room right next to the spinning and kenpo karate class where her wedding ceremony would only be separated by a sliding plastic partition.

I don’t know about you, but during my wedding ceremony I would not want to hear from the adjoining rooms, “COME ON PEOPLE GET YOUR BUT…