The Helpful Response

Do you ever go to Sunday School and the teacher asks a question and after there is a very loud silence that permeates the room?

All eyes are cast to the floor as if there is a fear to make their sentiments known concerning their gospel knowledge.

The awkward silence seems to last for ages and still no one in the class budges or even makes an attempt to answer the question. Now why should that be?

I feel so sorry for the teacher because he starts sweating and pleading with his eyes for anyone to raise their hand to move his little lesson along.

So naturally, being the generous soul that I am, I raise my hand and start in on an amazing comment.

But as I start to talk I get a little carried away with how great I am and kind of lose what his question is really about. So I talk a little about faith, and then merge over to repentance, then bounce some controversial facts about caffeine in Barqs Root Beer in there.

And so I continue for what seems to be several minutes. I want to stop but I couldn’t seem to wrap up my comments to a point that would make sense so I just kept talking. It is like I had word vomit and I couldn't stop my comments from coming out all over the place.

After a couple of minutes of talking I didn't even know where I was in regards to this poor man's lesson. Hint: Once you find yourself talking about how Noah survived in the arc with all those animals (Seriously though, the smell alone should have killed his entire family. Am I right?), you have drifted too far from home friends. Bring it on back to home plate.

So finally, I couldn't find an out for myself so I just said, “And that is all I have to say about that. Thank you.”

And if you thought it was silent before…It seemed like the entire class was staring at me as well as the teacher.

The teacher took a minute and very slowly said, “OOOKay…So…um…thank you for sharing that.”

I felt bad because I really wanted to help my teacher friend, but I am afraid I took his lesson way off course. It took him a couple of minutes to bring us back to the subject at hand.

Now I know why no one comments in Sunday School.

Mystery solved friends, mystery solved.

The Nog

Friends it’s Egg Nog time!

It’s officially November and as such it is now open season to buy and drink Egg Nog.

I must confess I already started drinking it in October. I am not proud of it but the rich deliciousness helped me get through a very difficult time. Sure I am ten pounds heavier, but as my friend Sheryl Crow has said, “if it makes you happy it can’t be that bad.” Words to live by Sher-bear, words to live by.

Now, I have recently heard some very negative things concerning the goodness of Egg Nog. This is troubling to me because what is more American than Egg Nog? I am, I am,..I am.

First off, some people complain that Egg Nog is too fattening. Too fattening? Woman please!

I think the problem is that people are thinking they can drink Egg Nog like they would drink a Big Gulp. Oh sweet naïve friends, no, that is not how we drink our Egg Nog. You have to drink it in small portions. I would recommend purchasing a shot glass from your favorite bar or tourist attraction to help in your portion control. Trust me, you won’t feel so heavy after you drink it. Unless you are like me and do like 14 shots within an hour.

Secondly, don’t dilute you Egg Nog with milk friends. Are you kidding me? Come on, “man up”, drink the hard stuff, it will put hair on your chest. To really enjoy a full flavored Egg Nog you have to drink the full creamy version that comes straight out of the carton. To dilute Egg Nog is like taking a Renoit painting, throwing water on it, smearing the colors together and saying that it looks just as good as the original. And let’s be honest, we both know that is a lie.

Lastly, don’t just guzzle it down. You must sip it. Sip it and let the rich creamy flavor penetrate each taste bud, and be prepared to experience a feeling of peace and a feeling that the world is slowing down (Hopefully this is a result of the Egg Nog, and not because the rich cream is slowing your heart down to an unhealthy level. If so go back and check your portion control.)

I hope this has been helpful. For those of you who have resisted drinking Egg Nog, I hope this will be the year that you embrace it with all your other holiday traditions. Tis’ the season to be Noggy.

For those who already love Egg Nog. I am getting a keg full of Egg Nog for New Years this year. We are going to drink Meadow Gold Egg Nog until our hearts stop or we are too sick to move. Either way it is a win-win.

The Extra Hour of Sleep

I know I write the same blog every six months but …

Really? Day light saving again? I just barely got my sleeping pattern regulated and here we go again changing the time around. What in the Sam are we doing people?

I am so angry that we are trying to fiddle around with nature’s timing mechanism, the sun. If Mother Nature wanted us to screw around with time she wouldn’t have invented the sun dial. But friends she didn’t. Why we feel like we have to mess around with a good thing I will never know.

Sure people tell you we get an extra hour of sleep, but seriously that is only for the first night. They rest of the week your body is freaking out because it doesn’t really understand what you are doing and you end of being more tired with your supposed “extra hour of sleep”.

I am done with this messed up system. I am not doing it this year. I am keeping my old sleeping schedule. I am in bed at 9:00 pm and waking up at 5:00 am that way my sleeping schedule goes uninterrupted.

Sure I am going to be super early to work and may have to go home early from several events but seriously, friends something must be done.

Whose with me?

Book Trailer Debut

So friends, I very reluctantly post this video, not to show you how great I am (although I am quit fantastic), but to confess something that I may regret in the future.

One of my readers found this on YouTube and so I feel a need to come clean with a confession of sorts.

When I moved to SL to start my acting career I was discovered at the Gap, where I would often go to look at the pima wool sweaters that I could never afford, but loved to try on.

Well one day, whast I was eating a Hotdog on a Stick and dreaming of owning my very own pima wool sweater, a young women approached me and said I had a face that could be very succesful in the world of book trailers.

That's right book trailers. It's like a move trailer, only with books.

I knew that book trailer studios system was not the most glamorous industry and had a reputation for being loose and tawdry. But I was naive and hungry, and most of all I really needed a pima wool sweater from the Gap. So I decided to do it.

Now the book trailer is out there folks. Floating in the underground world of avid female readers who love to read books about romance and basketball. The vido is now living, and breathing in the land of YouTube where is will never die. Do I wish it would die? Perhaps. I will wait to see how much I pull in from this low budget trailer.

I have no idea what this book is about, and I don't even know the author personally. But it is so intense that it scares me a little bit. Pay close attention to Richard (me) staring off into the distance and saying "I want to help you." and her response, "I have to do this alone."

Who is this girl Indiana Jones? It's hard to say.

So enjoy and let's never speak of this again.

The You Tube tutorial

So I sometimes I go to singles dances and I never feel satisfied with my dancing skills. I blame most of my "singleness-hood" to my awkwardness on the dance floor.

It is not that I am without rhythm, because friends I can really swing it, it's just that my dancing consists of a lot of flailing of my arms and legs. And when I don't know what to do I revert back to the "the running man". You can never go wrong doing the "running man".

So I went to YouTube to see what kind of dancing instruction I could find, and luckily I found this little diddy.

I performed this at the last stake singles dance and it was powerful. Sure there were some slight concussions because of the low ceiling, and I did drop a few people, but I did get some "digits" after it was all said and done.

The Danger of Driving and Watching Videos

Remember that time was I driving home late one night and the SUV in front of me was showing “Monster Inc.”? A timely tale of the love between a young girl and sad monster who is searching for something more in his life that can only be filled by the laughter of a small girl named Boo.

I can’t talk about it without breaking up inside. Give me second…ok I’m back.

So there I am driving and enjoying the movie, of course I can’t hear the movie at all but I know it well enough to do the different voices, and laugh when the moment warrant.

So we finally we got to the end of the movie when Boo is looking for Sully in her closet and can’t find him and I’m bawling and can’t find a Kleenex. So I am searching for something to wipe my tears with, and all I could find was a receipt from Wal-Mart.

When suddenly, and without warning I saw a two bright red lights distracting me from my search of some two-ply anything. I don’t remember this part in the movie, I thought to myself.

Then I realize it was the brake lights of the SUV. I was rapidly approaching them at warp speed. So I slammed on my breaks and narrowly escaped ramming into the back of them.

It was kind of sad because all this commotion made me miss the end of the movie. It was hard.

Luckily I didn’t die. However it definitely was a wakeup call to me and hopefully to you as well.

I would like to bring to light a dangerous driving situation that is plaguing our road ways today, the danger of watching great movies in the vehicles in front of you. If you are like me, and I would like to think that you are, if there is a TV on anywhere, my eyes will find it and lock on to the signal. That is dangerous if you are driving. Am I right?

Friends if we are serious about safety on our roadways, and I would like to think that we are with the banning of texting and cell phone usage. How can we be blinded about inadvertent video watching and driving?

Something has to be done.

The Light Up Letters

Remember when you used to watch Wheel of Fortune? And you saw how essential Vanna White’s job was, turning those cinder block sized letters wrapped in gold tinfoil. How were we to solve the puzzle if she wasn’t there to unveil the letters for us? She really had an important job.

However, if you have caught Wheel of Fortune lately you will notice that they have done away with the whole spinning tin foil blocks that Vanna had to turn in the past. They now have screens that just show the letters instantaneously. Vanna now touches the screen and the letters appear.

My question is this…do you think Vanna has any idea that her job is obsolete? I mean in this day and age, where technology pretty much does everything, I don’t know that we need Vanna as much as we needed her 20 years ago. Am I right?

And let’s be honest, Vanna is no spring chicken. All that walking back and forth, reaching up and down in high heels can’t be good for her circulation or back. Vanna you should be enjoying these golden years of your life and not being eye candy for senior citizens who are watching “Wheel” in primetime.

I mean, over at Jeopardy they have also switched over to the screens entirely and Alex Trebeck is doing just fine without the help of a “lovely assistant” sliding those planks back and forth to reveal the “answers”.

So Vanna it may be time to start taking some online classes and exploring other career options. I would recommend launching your own fragrance and calling it something like “The Smell of Fortune”.