Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Year End

Here are some cool things that I learned in 2009:

  • Doing an Olympic Triathlon without training is not as fun as you might imagine. Doing a 5K dressed as Santa is…priceless.
  • Reading “Percy Jackson” “The Hunger Games” and “The Road” have brought back my love for reading. I find young adult fiction is just about my speed now days.
  • I found that performing in “Savior of the World” as the angel Gabriel at the Conference Center is the best way to spend the holidays.
  • Taking voice lessons by a qualified teacher instead of trying to learn from Lady Gaga music videos makes a huge difference.
  • Buying my clothes at Wal-mart instead of Eddie Bauer has taken some getting used to but I have found the difference is negligible. Exploited children in China make a pretty good shirt and pant combo.
  • Movies like “Up” “Star Trek” and “The Proposal” make me happy to pay $8.00 for a movie ticket. Movies like “Transformers 2”, “GI Joe”, and “Wolverine”…not so much.
  • I found that living alone can be…ya know…lonely. But I have been grateful for new friends made, and old friendships rekindled.
  • To see my parents leave on a mission to Turkey for two years made me realize that, yes, I am a momma’s boy.
  • I have a real fear of commitment. I can’t even join a gym because they require at least a year membership.
  • I learned to cook some good meals this year: Black Bean Soup, Chicken Tika Massala, and…please hold your applause to the end…Chicken Enchilada Casserole. I alternate between these three dishes every week. I clean them out faster than a fat mans eating hand.

May 2010 bring some new challenges, some new recipes, new friends, and at least two dates.

Friends, have a fantastic New Year!


Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Nice Guy

So I am really sensitive about others feelings, maybe to a fault.

Yesterday, I went to give blood. It’s true. I don’t really love the pain but I do love the treats they give you after. Usually I fain dizziness and they let me stay there for like two hours where I proceed to eat my weight in chips, candy, and V8 Juice.

So I was lying there ready for that two inch needle to suckle at my ample vein, when my phlebotomist, Trish, came over and discussed what was going to happen.

With my super power of over sensitivity, I deduced that Trish was very nervous and perhaps this might be the first time that she has ever drawn blood from an actual human being.

So being the nice person that I am, I thought I would "kill her with kindness" and make this a glorious experience for her to calm her nerves and make her feel like a superstar.

So she stuck the needle in my arm, and friends, oh the pain. She might as well have been pouring lemon juice into a paper cut with the burning and stinging I was experiencing laying in that Craftmatic Adjustable Chair.

I didn’t want to say anything to her because I was afraid I was going to hurt her feelings, but friends I was hurtin’ for certain.

She asked, “Now how does that feel?”

Great”, I said with strained smile and tears rolling down my checks.

Friends, the pain continued up my arm and then settled right behind my eyeball, which began to twitch violently.

A few minutes passed and she said, “Rob, how are you doing.”

At this point I was uable to make any vocal sounds, so I just gave her the thumbs up and laid my head back in pain.

So finally, being the perceptive phlebotomist that Trish was, she said, “Rob, you have told me you are OK, but the sweat soaking through your shirt and your violently twitching eye seem to be telling me you are in pain. Is that correct?

I nodded. And she then proceeded to pull out the needle a titch and all the pain went away, except for the twitching in my eye, which may or may not ever fully heal.

Friends, why do we do such things? From here on out, I call that pain trumps nice-ness. Too many times I have been nice at the dentist, the doctor, and the phlebotomist where I have been in extreme pain and said nothing in fear they would feel bad about themselves.

I have learned these simple phrases that I feel will help me and you:

Hey buddy, I can feel everything you are doing to my tooth! Be a pal and top me off with some more Novocain…and while you are up, hit me hard with some “laughing gas”.

“Seriously? Seriously. Do you soak your hands in ice water before you do a hernia check? Come on brother. Seriously!"

Um… yeah…it seems that blood is shooting out of my arm.”

Learn these phrases three and you will not have to suffer as I have, lo these many years.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Christmas Minimalist

When it comes to Christmas I have always been a minimalist.
I don't put up a tree, I don't hang up lights, and I hate shopping.
But I must confess that I love Christmas and the feeling of it.

I love watching old out dated Christmas cartoons on TV. My favorite is "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". I love the message of it, that Christmas doesn't come from a store, perhaps thought the Grinch, perhaps Christmas means a little bit more. So true.

In church on Sunday we had our Christmas program, and mid-Silent Night I was so touched with the words "All is calm all is bright" that I started "ugly crying" in front of the whole congregation. But I didn't feel too bad because my fellow bass started "gasping crying" so I was in good company.

It seems that our neighborhood has had more than it's fair share of troubles this year, but the message of Silent Night, that because of our Savior and his atonement, that really all can be calm and the future can be very bright.

Good friends, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and hope this upcoming year may be calm and bright!

My blog has brought me such joy in this last year. It has helped me to find humor when I haven't been feeling all that great, and has made me laugh, seriously laugh...OK...on the floor laughing when life has gotten too serious.

I thank you for your hilarious comments and your related experiences that have made me laugh even harder.


Thursday, December 3, 2009

The Osmond Family Christmas

Do you ever forget how much you like a certain album? And then one day you are looking through your CD’s and you rediscover it and you listen to it over and over again?

Would you like to know what Christmas Album I recently pulled out and have quite enjoyed for the last two days? The Osmond Family Christmas.

Friends if you don’t own this album you need to find it today, because it will change your life. Seriously why are you still reading this and not running to your car to track it down?

My parents raised us on the classics, mainly, The Sound of Music, Hank Williams, Frankie Lane, Anne Murray, and Barbra Streisand. I think those really where the only albums we owned and I think we melted them from overuse.

But when Christmas rolled around it was the Osmond Family that kept us going through the holiday season. Now traditionally I am not a huge fan of the Osmonds, but man, they put out a kickin’ Christmas album. And all of them are on there, from Donny and Marie to good little Jimmy.

So at this holiday season when you are debating about which Christmas album to purchase, whither it be the Christmas Shoes CD or the Osmond Family Christmas Album, I hope the will be, Osmond, again, and again.

Friends, go Osmond or go home!