Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Status Quo

When I was in my younger years I was in a performing group in college called “Showtime”. We would sing and dance, and do firesides about “Chastity”. Looking back at that time it really was one of the happiest I have ever had.

I look at my life now, which is great don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I feel like I am just in survival mode, just getting through when really shouldn’t the opposite be true? I don’t have highs or lows just the status quo, just normal everyday living, and I don’t know that I love it.

To be honest that is why I haven’t blogged for a while because nothing funny has happened.

Sometimes I wish I could get the band together for just one more “Chastity” fireside. Grab a microphone, a tuxedo, and just sing my guts out for an hour about the dangers of STD’s. I think that could solve all my problems…and potentially anyone in the audience with a chastity problem…but this is my night, so it’s mostly for me.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Rabid Deer

I went walking on the Jordan River Trail at lunch and this man rushed up to me looking terrified, like someone was chasing him.

He looked at me and said, "Dude be careful up ahead because...

(Now let me pause here to ask you a question. If some crazy person comes running up to you in a highly wooded area, what do you automatically assume? I'm thinking there is a man wearing a hockey mask chasing him with a butcher knife, or a rabid Grizzly bear on the trail killing everyone in it's path.
Wouldn't you assume the same?)

Now back to the story already in progress...

So he is out of breath and can't finish his sentence so I automatically say, "What? What is it? Do you need help?"

He looks up at me with his eyes full of terror and says, "There are seven deer on the trail! BE CAREFUL".

OK. Deer? Seriously dude?

I stared at him and then gave him a good slap on the face, and moved on down the trail.

People can be so queer around wildlife.
Bless his heart, he must be from California.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Spring Thaw

I don’t know if you all know this but there is a special something that comes to Utah that blesses the lives of it's residents in March. It’s not an event that you can track on your calendar, but you just feel it in your soul when it comes. I like to call it the “Utah Thaw”, and it happened yesterday in our great state.

For, four months in the coldest months in Utah our souls hibernate. We aren’t very nice. We spend a lot of times indoors watching a lot of bad TV and eating a lot of hot chocolate and fatty foods, mostly French fries. We aren’t depressed but we just experience seasonal dreariness that is tiring to carry around.

But Oh friends, when the sun comes out and hits 50 degrees in Utah, people just come alive. Now, I know in other areas of the US, 50 degrees is not considered warm, but in Utah after four months of winter, 50 degrees is flip flops, shorts and tube top weather.

So yesterday, I was running in my tube top, and I felt so happy about the sun beating down on my ashy white skin. I then ran across the park that had just been aerorated,( which, let’s just be honest, even though you know those dirt plugs are not dog poop doesn’t your mind lead you to believe that you need to tread lightly nevertheless?) and smelled the fresh wet earth, I thought to myself, “Things are all right”. It completely changed my whole attitude. A little sun makes all the difference.

Spring is here friends! Get on that tube top and go for a run. Get your “thaw” on!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

The Great Photo Mystery

Do you ever see pictures of yourself from when you are in college? My friend emailed this picture yesterday asking for clarification as to what we were doing.

As I looked at it I can’t even think, 1-where the picture was taken, 2-who these people are in the picture, and 3- why I am standing over these people with kitchen utensils in my hands.

I didn’t do drugs or drink alcohol in college, so how is it I can’t remember anything about this event. And by the looks of this picture, this is such an amazing, fantastic, and disturbing event that I am positive I would have remembered it.

It begs the question why are all these people’s bums wet and why do they seem strangely proud about it?

And why is my bum not in the air with all these people, who I can only assume were my friends?

Did the kitchen utensils have some twisted part to play into why the people have wet bums?

And lastly, and more importantly, why is there a broom stuck in the window?

I wish I had more answers friends, but every time I look at this picture more questions arise.

I swear someone must have super imposed me into this picture because I am not one of those people who do things like this.

I guess we can just chalk it up as another great mystery of life. Much like the mystery as to why Charlie Sheen is still allowed on TV, when he can't act and really isn't very funny. I guess we may never know.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Oscars

Is it already time for the Oscars? It seems like only yesterday that I was writing about my favorite movies of 2008 and here we are talking about my favorite movies of 2009.

Now I don’t see a lot of movies because my mom doesn’t let me see movies with naked people in them, or movies that are excessively violent. So that has pretty much limited my award picks to maybe three movies this year.

Let’s first talk about some movies that were a disappointment:

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra”-Growing up my friends and I loved GI Joe, and I always thought, “
This would make the coolest movie.” It could have been so cool but they cast people like Channing Tatum and that obnoxious Wayans brother. Channing Tatum has the acting range of a rock, unless you love “Step UP” and then he is awesome. It was hard to watch, but throughout the whole movie I kept saying to myself, “It’s going to get better.” Yeah it never did.

Transformers 2”- OK so if the Transformers can appear like humans and seduce Shia Lebouf why in the world are they tromping around like huge trucks and jets? Just sayin’.

Wolverine”- I am not saying it wasn’t a good movie because it was alright, but it just could have been so much better. I mean come on, the source material is so good. And why are we trying to make Wolverine to be a nice guy? He isn’t a nice guy. He can kill you twelve ways before you even know your dead.

Moving on to some positive movies this year:

Best Picture: “UP” I love this movie. It has a little bit of everything for everyone. It just has a lot of heart. It helped me feel again.

Best Actor-Matt Damon for “Invictus”. I always underestimate Matt, but when he pulls out the South African accent I have to give him props.

Best Actress- Meryl Streep for “Julie and Julia”. I have never loved Julia Childs but this movie humanized her for me. And Sister Streep did a great job. Although when they showed her and husband getting frisky with each other I had to look away for a second.

Documentary- “Happy Valley” Good flick about drug usage in Utah Valley. All about the drug culture where I was raised. Very interesting.

Best Art Design- “Avatar” Visually this movie is amazing, story wise not so much. When it started to surpass “Star Wars” and “Indiana Jones” for top grossing movie I have to admit I was a little bitter about it because, is it really that deserving? When people ask me what I thought of “Avatar” I say, “It was excellent…except for the parts with the talking.” Let’s be honest James Cameron movies aren’t known for the great dialogue. Lest we forget Leo Dicaprio shouting “I’m the king of the world” in Titanic? Ouch that is painful to watch.

Well enjoy the Oscars and may 2010 bring us some great movies. I can’t wait for the next Twillight movie!

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Big Dance

So guess what friends? Remember how I blogged about leading the music in Elder’s Quorum and how disastrous that was?

Well guess who was just was made the bishop of our ward? The Elders Quorum president.

And guess who he thinks can lead the music because I do it in priesthood weekly? Me.

But leading music in Priesthood is very different than leading music in sacrament meeting. Am I right?

Sacrament Meeting is the “Big Dance” of leading music. People actually look to you for direction. And the organist depends on you to keep the beat. The congregation expect you to know what you are doing, and let's be honest I really don't.

So I showed up to Sacrament Meeting to go over the hymns with the organist.

I immediately sat down next to her and, said, “Oh sweet sister, here is the poop, I don’t know how to lead music, and why they asked me to lead the music today is beyond my scope of understanding. So here is what we are going to do, I don’t want you to look at me for any type of direction or cut offs. You just keep you own time sister, and I will follow you. Thanks you’re the best!

But she replied, “No, I am going to following you. I trust in you.

Now I believe that you are blest whenever you do what is asked of you when it comes to church. And maybe today if I had faith, perhaps as I held that baton, in some miracle from up above my arm would find the beat and this could change lives and the organist and I would weep at how beautiful this experience could be for both of us.

I could do this. Is anything to hard for the Lord? And let’s be honest friends, I am pretty darn fantastic!

So I led the first two songs, and friends, I wasn’t solid but I felt like I was holding my own. I felt my confidence building with each verse. It was a miracle! And that’s when I realized the organist was making a face, an ugly face, and I had a strange feeling it had something to do with me.

During the sacrament she made her way off the organ bench, which in and of itself takes quite a bit of skill for a women in a dress, and she came and sat by me, took me by the hand and said, “Good brother, I don’t know what you are doing up there, but can I give you some pointers on how to lead music?

I tried not to cry, but I am afraid my lip started to quiver, just a little.

I guess the real miracle here is that they haven’t asked me back for a repeat performance.