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Showing posts from 2008

Poked? Ouch.

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So have you ever been “Poked” on Facebook? I have and I am at a loss as to what that means exactly. How I am supposed to respond? There is nothing that is really attached to it just a finger pointing at you.

Are they calling me out to fight? Are they that desperate for attention that this is the only why they can communicate for a little love, much like a mute child? If I do reply back, what kind of social obligations am I under to this person?

I never have responded to a "poke" before because if I do I am afraid what will happen after the fact. I just imagine that all of a sudden a chat box will open and I will have to chit chat with someone I only like as an acquaintance, and chat boxes I only participate in with serious friends.

It's like those people who come up to you, who you vaguely know, and they extend their arms and say, "Someone needs a hug". And inside you don't want to give them a hug but you do, and then you die a little bit inside because you …

Belated Christmas Blog

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(I meant to post this before Christmas, so if you are done with Christmas, or you are not in the mood for something a little more serious than the regular postings, just check back tomorrow for our regular scheduled programming.)

So Christmas is here and I am sitting here at work thinking, “Maybe choosing to work on Christmas Eve was not a very wise choice.” And then I thought, “Hey may be working the day after Christmas, not a very good choice either.” Man, wise up.

This Christmas I realized something about myself. I don’t really need a lot to make me happy at Christmas. This Christmas I have done things that were “Christmasy” and didn’t spend so much time on the shopping and all that gift who-ha. I went to concerts and plays and even one snowy day I went downtown, well I actually got trapped downtown during a snow storm, but it still counts as an effort.

During my downtown snow storm experience I felt like I was the only person outside. And the snow that was falling were flakes that we…

The Freakiest Excercise Video Ever

So I have already shared with you my love for infomercials which runs very deep in my soul. This video your about to see if obviously from the 80's. You wouldn't know it but there are a few clues that will help you figure out that you are definitely in the land of big hair and french cut work out gear. The clues are subtle, but if you look really close you will see them.

In her infomercial she never really shows you the exercises but just talks about how you only need to exercise for about 15 minutes a day and just breathe. Breathing is the key to your weight loss friends, I don't know if a lot of you knew that but according to this sweet sister that it the secret. I know what you are thinking, "But Rob, I breathe all day every day and haven't seen any results." Well I would tell you friend, you need to think more about how your are breathing and how your are holding your facial muscles. As sweet Greer will demonstrate. (Greer says that the facial exercise wil…

The Whistle: A Lost Art

Have you ever listened to “White Christmas” and heard the beautiful whistling solo? It is one of my favorite parts of that song. What says Christmas like a good whistle?

Whatever happened to the art of the whistle? I remember my grandpa had a beautiful whistle. It was almost ethereal in tone and it had such a nice vibrato attached to each ending note.

People really don’t whistle any more, ya know. We live in an age of IPODs and YouTube, so any music we want is really on demand whenever we want it. But back in the day your whistle was all you had to listen to. You would have your different playlists, and songs that you had book marked just stored up in your brain.

Before your day would begin I am sure you would sit down and think, “OK, I am heading to the gym, so I will whistle my ‘work out jams’ playlist. I think today I will start with AC/DC “Thunderstruck’”. And then you would jump on that tread mill and whistle your work out. Oh course it was really distracting because everyone was w…

The Gift of all Gifts Has Arrived!

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Guess what I received yesterday friends? All my Christmas wishes came true. After a cold and long day at work I received...my very own Slanket.

I wear it loud and I wear it proud.

If you have no idea what a slanket is and my feelings about it please see my previous entry on the Slanket.

ASLEEP

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So I was listening to “Away in a Manger” the other day and remembered a funny experience that happened when I was about 10 years old.

First, before I go on, you know how there are two versions of “Away in a Manger” right? One has the, “ASLEEP, asleep, ASLEEP…etc”, and the other does not.

So we are sitting in church and we pull out our hymnals and the closing hymn is “Away in a Manager”. Fantastic, we thought, we knew this song from primary. Now, the one we had learned in primary was the “ASLEEP, asleep, ASLEEP…etc” version while the one we were about to sing was sans the “ASLEEP, asleep, ASLEEP…etc”.

So my sister loves to sing and was always such a good example of just singing with all your heart and soul. Even if she didn’t know the song she would always just give it her all. I, on the other hand, realized that this was different than the “Away in a Manager” I was used to singing in primary so I just sang it very timidly.

It was getting close to the end of the song and we all sang “…A…

For Your Safety. . .

So today I went to the orthodontist to get my permanent retainers put on. It is always a highlight to get new retainers on, as many of you know. So you can imagine how excited I was to see good Dr. Jensen again. Maybe I was a little too excited because I had to go peeps bad!

So I ran into the office building where my "orthodont", as I like to call him, resides searching for a bathroom. I quickly found a bathroom but to my horror I realized that it was locked. "This can't be right I thought", and threw my shoulder against the door, and again the door did not budge.

I was almost to the point of bursting, when I put my head down and went into battering ram position. Now with my eyes at that level I saw a sign on the door that said, "For your safety this bathroom is looked. Please see your health care provider for a key."

What!! I tell you what will be a safety issue, how about wetting myself and then sitting in the ortho chair and being electrocuted. Now…

The Reverse Trike Master

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Isn't it amazing how your paths cross with people. I serve on a committee at work were we talk about how we can make our place of business a healthier place to work in.

Today our discussion turned to safe modes of transportation. We were supposed to be talking about healthy eating but some how a guy on our committee always gets off topic and goes on and on about ridiculous things. Last time he suggested we put Gatorade in the drinking fountains. Your tax dollars hard at work folks. Whenever he goes off we say, "Thanks, for commenting...(awkward silence as we glance back and forth at each other)..any way...", and then we get back to the agenda.

So there we all were talking about wearing our seat belts and coming up with a campaign to get people to use their blind spots, when "Random Man", as I like to call him, said that we should all start riding our bikes to work. But then we patiently reminded him that it's mid-December and thin rubber wheels and ice are no…

The Slanket Experience

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Friends I love an innovative, and creative product. You know I do! Which explains why most of my Saturdays are spent watching infomercials (The magic bullet just came out with a new juicer. Check it out. It's gonna be big. Oh, and don't even get me started talking about Ronco Popeil's new pasta maker.)

So my co-worker came in last week and told me she saw the funniest thing on QVC called the Slanket. I was intrigued. "Show me this Slanket that you speak of.", I told her. So we went to the QVC website and friends here is what we found.



I immediately fell on the floor laughing because who in their right mind would drape themselves in a velour sheet and walk around their home this way? I mean that is why our society manufactured ginormous blankets so we wouldn't have to look like this guy laying on his couch when friends stop by unexpectedly. Can you imagine the embarrassment you would feel if your roommate brought home a date, and there you were wearing your Harr…

Twillight The Movie: Seriously?

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So this weekend I happened to catch "Twilight" the cinematic spectacular that seems to have captured all the women that I know in a vice grip and will not release them back to reality.

In a previous blog, I have openly admitted that I have read all four books in the "Twilight" series. I found the first books pretty good so I went into the movie thinking with all the technology we have available to us, this movie should rock. Well friends I left feeling something was a miss, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

After some serious reflection I have put my thoughts about the movie into some talking points:

Point 1- At one point Edward tells Bella she is his own personal brand of heroin. Is that supposed to be flattering? I may be new at this love-ease, but really? Heroin? Since Edward has been alive, I don't know, like 200 years, I would expect a little bit more thoughtfulness on his part. Comparing a girl to an illegal substance may not be the best way to get her…

Christmas Specials

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A few days ago "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" was on your local ABC affiliate. I love this cartoon. Don't get it confused with the Jim Carrey train wreck known by a similar name. Friends it has been some time since I have sat through this jem of a Christmas special. What a great message it has. Remember? I will quote it for you if you don't...

He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came with out ribbons! It came without tags!"
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store."
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then? Well...in Whoville …

Wal-Mart Fury

Remember that time last night when I went over to the Wal-Mart to buy a single gift card. It was around 9:30 pm so I was just going to run in, grab, and go. Once I got to the check out counter I got behind a woman who seemed to have very few items, so I jumped behind her.

Friends, she was a talker and she was telling the cashier all about her shopping expeditions throughout the valley. About the screaming deal she got a on a new coat and new doggie doughnut for her Yorkies.

At this point I began to get a little impatient because ya know it was getting late and I needed to get home. But some how in my mind I imagined that she was probably not married and she was one of those people who considered her yorkie's her children, and dang it, she just need some good human contact at her local neighborhood Wal-mart to ease her lonliness. Man I am so chariable. . .but then I notice she wasn't wearing a wedding ring. What?

Now I was getting very impatient and angry, but I noticed that sh…

Stage Fright

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So I just went to the restroom and to my surprise there was no one in there. I love having my pick of the urinals and being solo in there. There is no greater feeling than having the bathroom to yourself.

We have a total of four urinals in our spacious bathroom. So I pick my favorite spot, right next to the wall. I pick the wall because I feel that it allows for a greater sense of privacy and security.

So as I am "doing my business" someone walks in and comes to use the urinal right next to me. "Dude, there are three other urinals waiting to be used, why stand right next to me? Get thee hence." We did have a nice partition separating us but even with that we are shoulder to shoulder people, literally. It was a little tight but I thought this is going to be OK I am still focused, we have a job to do here so let's just getter' done. . . and then he started talking.

Now, his conversation wasn't just a, "hey what's up" or "how ya doing"…

Thankful

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Today I am grateful for good co-workers. I work in a very diverse environment and I have learned to love my co-workers very much. We work well as a team and received an award this year for our contributions to the Sheriff's Office. And even though we all have very different beliefs about life, religion, and politics we all still have mutual respect for each other and love to torment each other. We call each other brother and sister and we call our boss our mom. If I can't find one of them I just ask my co-worker, "Hey where is your sister/brother?"

However, just as in all families your siblings can be little stinkers as well. For example, during the week of the BYU and Utah game I was out sick and they thought it would be a fun game to do some redecorating while I was away. Here is my angry face.



Those crazy kids. They are incorrigible.

Giving Thanks

This week I am just sa' thankful. I feel like I need to express that and maybe give back to all the I have taken this year. So all my blogging this week will be dedicated to all things that make be weep for gratitude. I am grateful for the following things in no particular order:

Friends- I have been so blessed with such great friends. I know full well that I am not the best friend in the world. I don't call, due to my fear of phones, and I am not really sure how to reciprocate in a friendship. But with all my faults my friends are so good to me. And sometimes talking with them I say to myself, wow I am friends with some pretty amazing people who have done some pretty amazing things. How did I get so lucky? Thank you my good friends.

FACEBOOK- On the topic of friends, this year I am grateful for Facebook. I thought I had lost contact with many of my friends from middle school,high school and Ricks College. But because of Facebook I have found some long lost friends that I thoug…

Reverse Trike

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So every day when I leave work there is this guy who pulls out of the parking structure wearing all this hard core biking gear. He has his leather chaps, his thick soled boots, and his leather jacket with the skull on the back. He looks like he could kill you with one look.

And then he comes pulling out on this little gem. And every time I see him I have to laugh because . . .what is that thing.
I mean if you are going to look like a mean biker then buy a hog already and lets be done with it. But if you are going to be scared to buy a real motorcycle than just be content to call it what it is, a safer, environmentally friendly, motor trike. And don't try to fool us by wearing that biker gear. Just put on your Birkenstocks, and paint flowers on your cheek and truly embrace your pansiness.

While I am on the topic of silly modes of transportation...Have you ever been on a running trail minding your own business and someone comes behind you ringing their bicycle bell going like 3 miles …

Sicky

So last night I didn't sleep very well. Could it have been the protein shake that I had last night around 7:00, or maybe running to FHE in the cold without a jacket that caused my to freeze. It is hard to say, all I know is that I woke up with a sore throat and feeling like everything was out of focus. Like I was viewing everything through a thick pea soup.

You know that feeling? Where you are not down in bed sick but are more bugged by the potential of an illness. And if you are really quiet you can actually hear your body fighting off infection.

How could this happen I have been taking Xango juice for the last three days. Isn't that the cure all for any ailment? Mr. Xavier Xango please explain how I got sick with all those fruit pieces and bitter juice in my system. I even took it with a vitamin for good measure.

My neck hurts and I feel that my eyes are swollen like overstuffed peppers. I can't wait to go home so I can crank the heater, get in my overstuffed down coat and …

Hangin' Tough, NKOTB Style

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So one of my friends invited me to attend NKOTB and I thought to my self that is some good blogging material waiting to happen. And friends, my eyes were opened to a world a never knew existed, the world of 30-33 year old New Kid's fan. They are crazy! I had to put in ear plugs because their screaming got to be too much. The funny thing is that all the people there were my same age because the New Kids were popular for only a couple of years. So either you knew who they were or you didn't.

I have chronicled some of my favorite pictures:
This picture is pretty dark but if you will notice what she has in her hand. It is a naked Jordan Knight barbie of some sort. She proceeded to hold him around the waist the entire evening. You have to admire the stamina of that sweet sister.


These sweet girls are my favorite. You will notice that they are also carrying fulling clothed NKOTB dolls, the shirts they bought in the sixth grade, and yes you are seeing correctly they have books with th…

Nervous Laughter

Do you ever start laughing at inappropriate times? Sometimes I get nervous laughter when I shouldn't be laughing. And it isn't a few sputtering laughs mind you but deep belly laughs that have to be stifled under the guise of coughing, or tourettes syndrome.

I have been known to laugh at funeral viewings, hospital visits, and my ultimate weakness is bad musical numbers. This week musical numbers have proven to be my nervous laughter kryptonite.

I was volunteering at this $100.00 a plate charity event enjoying my steak and chicken when they announced a special musical number. I was caught off guard and knew I was in trouble. The singer started with a story and then the music started behind her and then she flowed right into her song. Now, let me tell you this as friends, if I don't look at the person I can usually put my head down and act like I am pondering the powerful lyrics of the song by occasionally nodding and touching my face. Unfortunately for me, if any one looks at …

Church Products

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So yesterday at church I was watching the speaker start crying and as she reached down to grab a tissue I notice something funny. The tissues were called "Heavenly Soft" tissue. No joke.

And then I went to choir and we were singing out of a book called "Hymnplicity". Interesting.

The day was complete when I looked over at the Relief Society President's pumps and etched on the side was "Easy Spirit". What kind of message is that sweet sister.

Forgive me but that is just too much.

Musicals

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What is it about a musical? I must confess that I do enjoy a good musical. Last night I went to see my cousin, Debra, in "Into the Woods" at the HCT. She was great and was the perfect Cinderella.

As I watched I noticed an interesting thing about myself. I am not content to just watch and enjoy. I feel like I need to immerse myself in the play. In my mind I was singing the songs and doing the dialogue with the actors. Secretly wishing one of them would become violently ill or twist their ankle. The director would come into the audience and say, "Friends we have an emergency. Is there an actor in the audience? I say, is there an actor who can jump on stage and fill in for (fill in the blank of the character)?" I would nonchalantly rise and jump in and save the production. I would be discovered by the producer of Feature Films for Families and be in the next "Liken" video. Ah, if only . ..

I was on a date last night so I couldn't do this next part, but aft…

Daylight Savings. Must we?

It being an election year I am thinking that next year we proposition to stop moving our clocks forward and back. My body is freaking out. From someone who has a hard time sleeping any way this makes it all the more difficult.

Everyone tells me that we get an extra hour of sleep but really that only works for the first Sunday and then after that your body thinks you are staying up later and so that makes you more tired.

I also hate coming out of work when it is dark. I just am not as productive after work. I all I wan't to do is go home and sleep.

On a more positive note, it is snowing today. Not a light, pithy snow, but big flakes. The kind of snow you can sit on your couch and watch for hours. It reflecting off the lights outside and gliding to the ground. It makes me want to make crafts out of macaroni with the heater blasting.

Actually that is what I am doing right now. I am under my desk, shoes kicked off, sipping some hot chocolate with marshmellows, wrapped in my down coat. M…

Christmas Music Continued

So I turned on my radio this morning and guess what, apparently FM 100 is now playing Christmas music non-stop. The world has turned upside down.

So it being an election year I wanted my voice to be heard so I emailed the radio station to find out what the sam is going on.

Here is how it went down:

Good Kozy-

I really have enjoyed your station and your different variety of music
that your play.
I was wondering what is up with the Chritmas music in Novemeber? I can
understand after Thanksgiving hearing Christmas music but it seems too
soon.
I am just curious as to why so early?


Hey Rob,

I appreciate your note about the Christmas Music.We know it seems
early but listener input has been overwhelmingly in favor of starting
now.Partly because it's been a tough year for a lot of people.They
may "need a little Christmas, right this very minute."I hope that
when you are ready for some Christmas music, you'll give us a try.

We wish you and your family a wonderful holiday season.Thanks for th…

Christmas In November

So I was driving the day after Halloween and I decided to turn on the radio and listen to some tunes. My radio was tuned to KOSY 106.5, a radio station that I love for it's easy listening and light rock favorites. To my shock they were playing "All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey. I thought it was a mistake so I kept listening to see what they played next. Mariah was followed by "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer". During the break they said that they will be playing Christmas music from November 1 until the end of December. What? Does that seem a bit premature to any one else?

I like Christmas music very much but in the right time and place. I feel like poor Thanksgiving gets passed over when we just go right from Halloween to Christmas. And plus, we all need some transition time from the celebration of evil and the dead to Christmas where we celebrate peace and good will to men, right? I mean it takes me at least a month to wash off my "goth"…

Breast Cancer Walk: Win, Win, Win,

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So I have a problem. I am very competitive. But not like competitive in normal things, like football or basketball, but in things that I probably shouldn't be competitive about, like chess and charades. For example I get so competitive at board games. I can't tell you how many fights broke out in our home because of the game "SORRY". You know that game where you would almost win and then your opponent could send you all the way back to the beginning. Oh the frustration this would cause. I would try to be diplomatic but in the end I usually would end up kicking the game into the wall.

Well today was one of those days when that random competitive gene came bustin' out all over. This afternoon the county sponsored a Breast Cancer Awareness walk. I always like to support the county events because I serve on a healthy lifestyles committee, so I felt like I needed to go.

As I arrived I realized I felt unusually out of place. First, everyone was wearing pink and I was w…

Cruel and Unusual

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So on my way home each night I drive by a vitamin store where there is an interesting person dressed as some sort of bug. I want to say that it is a giant tick, with giant teeth and angry, angry eyes, but I cannot confirm or deny what kind of insect he is. "What does this "thing" have to do with vitamins?", I ask myself every night as I drive by.

Usually the tick, as I have named him, is very energetically waving and jumping up and down trying to get people to pull in and buy some vitamins. But yesterday as I drove by he was just standing there. No waving, no jumping just sort of limp. All of a sudden my heart broke for my little tick friend. I want to believe that he was crying in his costume because after cleaning up the stock room, his boss said that it was time for him to strap on the tick costume and drum up some business. My little friend, after giving the tick marketing strategy all that he had these last few weeks realized he was not in the mood to strap on …

Smokers

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Is it alarming to anyone else how many people are still smoking? I mean with all that we know about the dangers of tobacco and how it is the most preventable cause of death, you would think people would not want to light up ever. I exclude those people who are of an older generation who thought smoking was glamorous and gave you fantastic skin and hair. But the people of my generation should know better.

Today two things happened while I was walking in the inner city on my lunch break that got me thinking about this.

Incident #1- As I was walking someone drove by and flicked their cigarette butt out of their window. Seriously? Why is that OK? I know these are normally reasonable people who wouldn't dare to litter otherwise but what is it about a cigarette butt that changes these reasonable people into litter bugs? It makes me so mad! Buy an ash tray buddy!

Incident 2- So next to my building their is a senior housing project. They have a little section outside with two lovely tole pai…

Katie Holmes

Perhaps you caught Kaite Holmes-Cruise as I did on "Eli Stone" on Tuesday night. In case you missed it, check it out.


Is it possible that we have underestimated Katie Holmes? Who knew she could sing like that?

Now I will be the first to admit that I have never seen any thing that she has been in that has made me think she was anything spectacular. Truth be told I have only seen her in "Batman Begins" and snippets of "Dawson Creek" when my parents weren't home, so I am not an expert on her career by any stretch of the word. But with that said, man, I got to admire any one who can dance and sing like that.

So, thanks Katie for giving me a little bit of a surprise on Tuesday night.

And mostly thank you also for giving me a great idea for our Daybreak 13th Ward Talent Show this year.

Does any one know where I can get a black leotard and a fog machine?

Twilight

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So friends I have to confess that I have read all four books in the Twilightseries. I have retained my "man" status inspite of all the estrogen that these books seemed to ooze.I thought I would share with you my thoughts about these books because I think as a man I have some unique insights that maybe a female may not see because she is so blinded by that Edward guy.I will admit to you that I loved books 1 and 2. As a man I liked the intensity and also the dynmics of vampires and werewolves living miles from each other. I thought to myself, "Hey, This Stephanie Myers, she's alright."Then book three surfaced and I can't tell you how many times I was so angered that the whole book revolved around Bell and her inability to make a decision as to who she was going to have a committed relationship with. Seriously, Bella? Is it that hard? And must we spend 500 pages of a book going back and forth about who she likes when those 500 pages could have been used to hav…

I Heart the Jazz

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So my co-worker is obsessed with the Jazz insomuch that she has a life size cut out of Karl Malone that stands next to her by her desk. It is so realistic that sometimes when I get here in the early hours of the morning I forget that Karl is just a cardboard cut out and think he is some sort of cat burglar. I get so startled sometimes I dive behind the desk and then foolishly realized that he isn't attacking but just standing there motionless. Oh, Karl, why must you scare me so? So on Friday my co-worker brought in some Jazz jerseys that she had collected over the years. We needed the Jazz paraphernalia because part of the before mentioned recruitment commercial for our office took place at a Jazz game. She handed me a jersey to try on and well ...the picture speaks for itself. I think it was a child's large. We all laughed. It was so funny. Sure I couldn't breathe but come on, what is some blacking out among friends. I strutted around the office for about 15 minutes and t…

Jail Commercial

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Friends, today at the Jail we were filming a recruitment commercial for our office and they needed someone to fill in for a prisoner. So I immediately jumped at the chance to stretch my acting prowess. They were anxious to get filming so I only took two hours to get into character. Usually, I demand at least five hours but it was per diem so I let it slide.
I was then whisked away to wardrobe and, wow, I don't know what prisoners are complaining about. They get to wear one of the most comfortable outfits I have ever had the pleasure of wearing. It is all loose and flowy, no sharp zippers, or unruly buttons, you just slide it over, pull it up and your done. No hassle, No fuss. I would love to work in a uniform like that.
And the foot wear, oooh, talk about comfort. It felt like I was back in the 80's when I would break dance in my back yard on my sheet of cardboard. And that color, friends, you are never going to lose those shoes any where, am I right? And they are so easy to wor…

Bathroom Horrors

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So the other day I went to the local library to pick up a book. It had been a long day at work so I just wanted to come to this sanctuary of quiet and relaxation to unwind. As I was there I needed to use the facilities, so I walked into the stall to do the "hula-who" .
I flushed the toilet and to my horror I realized that the water wasn't swirling down the drain, as I was accustomed to it doing before. That's right, it was coming up. Friends, there is no greater fear in life then knowing that in a matter of seconds everything you just deposited in the sewer bank will quickly be refunded all over you patent leather shoes.
All of a sudden I went into panic mode, reaching for the plunger. . .but nothing was there. Running to turn off the water. . . not visible. Not knowing what else to do I started reasoning with the toilet.
"Please don't do this to me. I had a hard day. Not know. . .not today."
That didn't seem to work and the water began to swell like a…

Crazy People Around My Office

I work in a seedy part of town but sometimes as a government worker I like to get out among the people I serve. So every afternoon I go for a walk in the neighborhoods around my building. There are moments when I walk down a street and either fear for my life or just have a good laugh at what goes on around me. I also get my nose full of some very strong odors. Such exotic smells like urine, dog poop, and ahh my favorite, rotten plums that not only smell but also stain as well. That is a killer combo.
Today as I was walking I noticed a girl behind me who was dressed just like Madonna from the eighties. You know? Ratty hair, puffy skirt, and yes the black lace gloves. She even was sporting a side pony tail with a bow. That's right friends it was a spectacular piece of work. Now, I am always supportive of those who want to dress wildly. Shine on you crazy diamond, I always say. And then the swearing started.
From behind me I hear son of a "boom", son of "bang", Mot…

It's alway fun to shoot a gun, to shoot a gun, hooray! It's always fun for everyone to shoot a gun.

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Friends-

I don't know if you have had the thrill of shooting a gun. I highly recommend it. I have never been a gun person. Growing up my dad always had guns and we would go up in the mountains and line up cans and shoot them down. I remember that I always had a healthy fear and respect for guns because my dad owned a gun that would bruise your shoulder or knock you on your can. And after all that I could never hit a target. I would try and try but I couldn't come close to hitting can or a bulls eye let alone the paper it was printed on. Guns always seemed so big and powerful and I was so small and seemed to tip over easily. I must of had a lot of fluid in my brain, I did have a large head as a child.
When I graduated last year with my MPA, as a gift my father gave a 9mm hand gun. It was one of those gifts that your receive and politely say "thank you", but in the back of your mind you are thinking, "What in the sam am I going to do with a hand gun? I can barely ma…

I Wept For Them

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Friends, I went to dinner with my family and as soon as I walked through the door there was a group of waiters doing a line dance in front of our table. So we all had to wait for them to do the "grapevine" down the row so we could get to our table. It was like the people version of "Frogger". You would take two steps, and then the waiters would come dancing back, so you would have to take two steps to the side and then one giant step forward, and then finally we had to dive into our booth before they came down the isle again doing the "Cotton-eyed joe".

We finally got seated and I noticed one waiter who wasn't lovin' the line dance. I think he must have been new because he didn't know all the steps and he hung his head down because you know he felt a little stupid. I am sure he was thinking, "I wish I would have known I had to do a line dance as part of this job before I was hired. I just wanted to pay my way through college and now look a…

Sweet Peaches

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Who doesn't love a nice juicy peach? It is one of natures perfect fruits isn't it? There is nothing like a peach, not a peach from a store mind you, but one ripened on a tree. The ones from the store are usually crunchy and have no flavor.

This weekend my mother brought me some of the peaches she grew from her very own tree. I have to admit that it has been a while since I have had a good peach so I fully indulged myself. My first bite was an orgy of sweet, tart and juicy all rolled into one. Wow, I thought, this is like a little party in my mouth. So I had another and another and another, and well six peaches later I was so satisfied I almost had to have a cigarette out on the deck.

Just as it is in such stories of indulgence, pain inevitably follows. Around 2:00 a.m. I awoke to such terrible pain in my belly. My muscles were spazzing and convulsing that I had to assume the fetal position for about 10 counts. For a minute I thought I was experiencing premenstrual syndrome, als…

Southern Utah

Well I got to attend my first away conference for work in St. George. I must admit it was fun to have someone pay for your hotel, food and pay you for being in a cool place like St. George.

Friends, I have to be honest I never have found the joy or beauty in St. George. Every time I go there I feel like I am melting into the concrete. How can anyone enjoy a place where it is so blasted hot? The last time I was there I thought it would be a good idea to lay out by the pool to avoid the sun but I spent most of the afternoon under my towel in the fetal position because I could feel my skin burning, frying I tell you. The desert is not my favorite. Looking over the vast expanse of nothing making me feel so lonely.

My stay this time was so very nice. The weather was cool, and for the first time I could see the beauty of the red rock. One night I didn't have access to a car so after our classes I just put on my tenni runners and walked the streets of old St. George. I ended up at the St. …

Yuba Lake

So this weekend I went water skiing with some friends. I have been invited to go water skiing many times but, let's be honest, I am terrified of water deeper than my waist. I remember even when I was on the swim team in high school sometimes going to the deep end of the pool got me a little anxious because I couldn't see the bottom and I was certain some creature with tentacles, probably Ursula rom the Little Mermaid, lived underneath the water polo net.

I know it sounds stupid but after seeing JAWS as a child I have never quit been the same. My first attempt at water skiing was when I was fourteen with the scouts. Brother Bennet took us out and said that he could get any one to water ski. I wanted to be brave so I hopped in the water and strapped on the big skis. I was skimming along the surface alright, but it was mostly face first with my mouth wide open. Each time I would fall into the water I remember the boat going what seemed to be a mile away to turn around to pick me …

The State Fair

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Friends, the fair is back in town and it always is a time of reflection isn't it?

As a child the fair was a highlight for me. The animals, the food, the endless cooking demonstrations going on. The sights and smells were intoxicating. I remember that our family, after seeing several demonstrations, walked out of the fair grounds with a basketball standard and a veg-i-matic. We were stopped outside the fair grounds because apparently they expect you to pay for these items before you leave the park. Who knew?

Last year I attended the Fair and had a very different experience. I tried to eat some funnel cake and go down the big blue slide in a gunny sack, but something just wasn't right. I think that it is due to the fact that I got my eyes full of a lot skin and tattoos. People who shouldn’t be wearing skimpy clothing are, and they are particularly handsy with each other. I don’t know if it is the smell of the animals or the smell of Navajo tacos, but something in that air has som…

Auditioning

So last night I tried out for a play. Even though I had practiced my song for hours and weeks and felt I was as prepared as I could have been I was so stinkin' nervous. I met someone else who was as nervous as I was so it was kind of nice to have someone there to talk out mine fears with.
They took us into a small room and had us all sing our songs. I actually felt really good about my singing and they were very complimentary as well, so that was a relief.
They then asked a few of us to go and do some scenes together. This part, always seems so weird to me. You are up there with people you don't even know and then all of a sudden you are supposed to do an entire scene together. But for the first time I felt calm and I did OK.
The whole experience was so great. Sometimes, I have learned, that you have to over come your fears. There is so much triumph after you are done. For me my tendency is to play things too safe but every now and again I do something hard that I think is going…