Thursday, October 16, 2008

Bathroom Horrors


So the other day I went to the local library to pick up a book. It had been a long day at work so I just wanted to come to this sanctuary of quiet and relaxation to unwind. As I was there I needed to use the facilities, so I walked into the stall to do the "hula-who" .

I flushed the toilet and to my horror I realized that the water wasn't swirling down the drain, as I was accustomed to it doing before. That's right, it was coming up. Friends, there is no greater fear in life then knowing that in a matter of seconds everything you just deposited in the sewer bank will quickly be refunded all over you patent leather shoes.

All of a sudden I went into panic mode, reaching for the plunger. . .but nothing was there. Running to turn off the water. . . not visible. Not knowing what else to do I started reasoning with the toilet.

"Please don't do this to me. I had a hard day. Not know. . .not today."

That didn't seem to work and the water began to swell like a bubble on the verge of popping so I instantly went to prayer mode.

"Lord, please don't punish me in this way. I have tried to be good today. OK, I did gossip a little about my co-worker, but seriously this seems a bit extreme on the punishment side of things! Really!"

The tidal wave did not ebb. So I began to blow furiously on the water. Hoping that just a little bit more pressure on the surface might be enough to dislodge whatever was clogging this ceramic beast. These efforts also proved futile.

Not knowing what else to do and feeling so anxious I began to run around the stall like a caged animal. Clawing at the sides of the stall hoping that someone could rescue me from my own watery grave.

Finally, I admitted defeat and slide down the side of the bathroom wall rocking and crying and waited for my own personal "Poseidon Adventure" to begin. I plugged my ears and closed my eyes as I watched the water get closer and closer to the rim, nearing the brink of over flowing. And as the water was reaching the rim. . .it stopped. The slightest breeze would have sent it over the edge. So I breathed a sigh of relief and slowly gathered my self and as carefully as possible exited the stall.
Friends, prayers are answered. Just as Michael McLean says, "Even thought it's hard to find the words, (especially when you are panicking in a bathroom stall) You're always heard, your not alone." Oh, it is so true. Thanks Mike.
I thought about telling someone about the problem in the bathroom but why? How could I be so selfish as to deny some special soul the opportunity to increase their faith in the power of prayer as I had just done. What kid of person would I be if I denied a good brother this lesson in humility. A man is never as humble as when he has to tell the head librarian that the toilet has just exploded all over him. That is strength I tell you, pure courage. Ah, bless his heart. God speed brother!


5 comments:

Erin said...

Oh Rob, I am crying. CRYING! That experience should be shared and shared again. - especially with your creative verbiage. Bless you again, I can now make it through the last hour and a half of work.
As for this "trial", I have indeed have my own "Please bless that the water will stop. Please! Please!" However, some of my prayers were not so readily answered as yours was. Trial of faith, my friend. Trial of faith.

Fran said...

Whoa. You wear patent leather shoes...? Quite the fashionista, aren't you? Maybe it was PRIDE that made the toilet try to kill you. PRIDE, ROB.

Think about it.

~Heidi

Anonymous said...

I have never laughed so hard! That is the funniest story I have ever read. Thank you for sharing your deep inner most thoughts with us. Oh what joy they bring to the blogger world. I must say that you have a gift my friend.

Erin said...

Once again I had to read it. Laughing and crying to myself at my wee desk. Thank you. Bless you.

Megann Wilkerson said...

no comment needed, friend. that story was priceless! Bless you.