Breast Cancer Walk: Win, Win, Win,

So I have a problem. I am very competitive. But not like competitive in normal things, like football or basketball, but in things that I probably shouldn't be competitive about, like chess and charades. For example I get so competitive at board games. I can't tell you how many fights broke out in our home because of the game "SORRY". You know that game where you would almost win and then your opponent could send you all the way back to the beginning. Oh the frustration this would cause. I would try to be diplomatic but in the end I usually would end up kicking the game into the wall.

Well today was one of those days when that random competitive gene came bustin' out all over. This afternoon the county sponsored a Breast Cancer Awareness walk. I always like to support the county events because I serve on a healthy lifestyles committee, so I felt like I needed to go.

As I arrived I realized I felt unusually out of place. First, everyone was wearing pink and I was wearing... well, it wasn't pink. Secondly, I was one of maybe five males in a sea of pink laden females. When you are a non-pink, six, five male all attention immediately falls on you. I felt very aware of my non-pink status. I also felt the females questioning eyes wondering, "Why is this tall man walking for breast cancer awareness. Is he some kind of pervert or something."

After we all got registered and gathered at the start line they said "go". Now keep in mind we were just doing laps inside the county building at an easy trot. I don't know what happened. Once I heard the word "go" my brain went into animal survival mode. I was pushing past people, edging people out around corners, throwing elbows. I was a force out there as I was speed walking.

Sometimes I would get stuck behind a group of sisters just chit chattin' away, talking about how cute their pink hats and shirts were, and I would blow right past them. In my mind I would scream, "This is for Breast Cancer Awareness ladies. Let's move ladies, move, move."

I would tailgate the casual slow walkers until I rounded a corner and then I would cut them off and leave them in the dust. So long suckas! I was amazing, weaving in and out of people, and dodging the self-examination pamphlets. I was in rare form indeed.

In the last stretch of the walk I was on fire, but there was another guy with a pink tiara close behind. He was pushing to pass and beat me, but I held strong. As I rounded the last corner I nudged him into a drinking fountain. Victory! The prize was mine.

You ask the question,what prize Rob? I will tell you...a pink ribbon and a breast cancer self-examination pamphlet. Was it all worth it you ask? Definitely yes will be my inevitable answer. I have never felt so fast and powerful in all my life. There is something about an average man competing against non competitive slow people that makes you feel like you are an amazing athlete.

So thank you pink ladies. Thank you for making me feel like a man today in a very non-man like setting.


Erin said…
What I love about your blog is that I can totally picture this happening! I love it. Really, I do.
Kimi D said…
maybe we'll let you put your proudly won breast self-examination pamphlet to use and let you host the next informative neighborhood fhe???
I feel that you should host a prostate cancer walk. I'd come and wear blue, for sure!

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