Twillight The Movie: Seriously?

So this weekend I happened to catch "Twilight" the cinematic spectacular that seems to have captured all the women that I know in a vice grip and will not release them back to reality.

In a previous blog, I have openly admitted that I have read all four books in the "Twilight" series. I found the first books pretty good so I went into the movie thinking with all the technology we have available to us, this movie should rock. Well friends I left feeling something was a miss, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

After some serious reflection I have put my thoughts about the movie into some talking points:

Point 1- At one point Edward tells Bella she is his own personal brand of heroin. Is that supposed to be flattering? I may be new at this love-ease, but really? Heroin? Since Edward has been alive, I don't know, like 200 years, I would expect a little bit more thoughtfulness on his part. Comparing a girl to an illegal substance may not be the best way to get her to go out with you. I am just sayin'.

Point 2- Again, I hate to belabor this point but, WHAT IN THE SAM DOES EDWARD SEE IN BELLA? I don't know this Kristin Stewart who they got to play Bella but she has as much personality as a rock.
Am I really to believe that all these guys at school want to take her to prom, and these girls want her to come pick out prom dresses with them. Where ever she goes she comes off so lethargic and uncaring. And we are supposed to believe that Edward can't help but fall for her?
I could be wrong but I like to ask girls out that have a personality. That's just me.

Point 3- If you were Bella wouldn't you start to wonder if Edward liked you for you, or if he was just attracted to your smell. Wouldn't that be a kick in the teeth if one night Edward showed up and said, "Bella, you are such a nice girl, and I have really enjoyed our time together, but really I am just using you for the sweet smell. Sorry."

Point 4- So I admire Edward for wanting to push Bella away because he knows he can kill her if things get too close. But Bella tells him she can't live without him even though she knows that she is tempting him to kill her and start sucking human blood again.
That seems a bit selfish doesn't it?
I mean, isn't like the equivalent of dating someone who is extremely addicted to, oh let's just say heroin. But your whole life centers around wearing perfume that smells like heroin. And the heroin addict guy your dating says I can't date you because when I am with you and you wear that "heroin eau de toilette" it makes me want to shoot up again. And then you say I don't care if you destroy your life and mine by becoming an addict again, I have to be with you, and I am willing to take that risk.
Do you see where I am going with this? Doesn't sound like they are looking out for each other, does it? Kind of co-dependant.

Point 5- What is up with Jasper's hair? I am not sure who was in charge of wigs in the filming of Twilight but they need to be fired. Don't you laugh every time you see Jasper walk on the screen? He looked like he was strung out on heroin, or heroin perfume, I am not sure which.
We are supposed to feel sorry for him because he is still transitioning as a vampire but seriously he was just comic relief for me. Check out this photo. I mean can we really take this guy seriously?

Thank you for indulging me.


Heidi said…
I can now rest assured that I'm not missing much. Thank you.

Although, come to think of it, there's a woman in my ward who told me yesterday that I'd have made a better Rosalie...maybe I SHOULD see this movie soon.
Anonymous said…
Rob, you are so hillarious!! Matt, Amy and I were cracking up:) And I totally agree with you on all of your five points. Jasper reminded me of the guy on Willie Wonka and the chocolate factory!
Erin said…
"heroin eau de toilette", I love it!
Point well taken, dear Robbie.

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