For Your Safety. . .

So today I went to the orthodontist to get my permanent retainers put on. It is always a highlight to get new retainers on, as many of you know. So you can imagine how excited I was to see good Dr. Jensen again. Maybe I was a little too excited because I had to go peeps bad!

So I ran into the office building where my "orthodont", as I like to call him, resides searching for a bathroom. I quickly found a bathroom but to my horror I realized that it was locked. "This can't be right I thought", and threw my shoulder against the door, and again the door did not budge.

I was almost to the point of bursting, when I put my head down and went into battering ram position. Now with my eyes at that level I saw a sign on the door that said, "For your safety this bathroom is looked. Please see your health care provider for a key."

What!! I tell you what will be a safety issue, how about wetting myself and then sitting in the ortho chair and being electrocuted. Now that's a safety issue. Am I right?

I mean really what is going on in these bathrooms that our very safety is at stake here? Does a gun go off when you flush the toilet, or is there some sort of lunatic that lives underneath the sink that randomly dishes out swirlies to unsuspecting patrons?

So finally I sheepishly and very tightly walked into my "ortho's" office, and like a three year old asked if I could go use the bathroom. "What's the magic word Robbie?" the receptionist replied. "The magic word is pee, and if you don't give me the key to the bathroom right now, you are going to have a puddle of magic right where I am standing. OK? OK."

I proceeded into the bathroom with caution. I had my key chain pocket knife extended, ready for anything. But when I got in the bathroom there was no one waiting to give me a swirly, and no gun went off when I flushed. In fact it was one of safest bathroom experiences that I have ever had. It even smelled nice, like country harvest.

So it begs the question, why must my bathroom protection be regulated buy my health care provider? Any guesses?


j said…
I think that you've answered your own question. The reason your bathroom experience was so pleasant was that the door is kept locked so that crazy "pee on the floors and walls" guys can't get in there. Because you know the first thing someone does when they are in a restroom they don't belong in is just go frickin' crazy.

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