For Your Safety. . .

So today I went to the orthodontist to get my permanent retainers put on. It is always a highlight to get new retainers on, as many of you know. So you can imagine how excited I was to see good Dr. Jensen again. Maybe I was a little too excited because I had to go peeps bad!

So I ran into the office building where my "orthodont", as I like to call him, resides searching for a bathroom. I quickly found a bathroom but to my horror I realized that it was locked. "This can't be right I thought", and threw my shoulder against the door, and again the door did not budge.

I was almost to the point of bursting, when I put my head down and went into battering ram position. Now with my eyes at that level I saw a sign on the door that said, "For your safety this bathroom is looked. Please see your health care provider for a key."

What!! I tell you what will be a safety issue, how about wetting myself and then sitting in the ortho chair and being electrocuted. Now that's a safety issue. Am I right?

I mean really what is going on in these bathrooms that our very safety is at stake here? Does a gun go off when you flush the toilet, or is there some sort of lunatic that lives underneath the sink that randomly dishes out swirlies to unsuspecting patrons?

So finally I sheepishly and very tightly walked into my "ortho's" office, and like a three year old asked if I could go use the bathroom. "What's the magic word Robbie?" the receptionist replied. "The magic word is pee, and if you don't give me the key to the bathroom right now, you are going to have a puddle of magic right where I am standing. OK? OK."

I proceeded into the bathroom with caution. I had my key chain pocket knife extended, ready for anything. But when I got in the bathroom there was no one waiting to give me a swirly, and no gun went off when I flushed. In fact it was one of safest bathroom experiences that I have ever had. It even smelled nice, like country harvest.

So it begs the question, why must my bathroom protection be regulated buy my health care provider? Any guesses?

Comments

j said…
I think that you've answered your own question. The reason your bathroom experience was so pleasant was that the door is kept locked so that crazy "pee on the floors and walls" guys can't get in there. Because you know the first thing someone does when they are in a restroom they don't belong in is just go frickin' crazy.
December 16, 2008 at 2:02 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Great Pumpkin As An Adult

Remember when you watched, “ It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown ” as a child and you thought it was an alright cartoon, it was no Loony Tunes, but it was at least watchable. Last night I had an occasion to watch “ It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown ” and as an adult, I have some strong concerns about these kids in the Peanuts cartoons. What is with Charlie Brown? I don’t know if anyone followed his life after his little stint with the “Peanuts” gang, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he killed himself around the age of 14. Everyone picks on him, he can’t even make a good ghost costume, and when everyone else gets buckets of candy whalst out trick-or-treating, his friendly neighbors give him Rocks. Rocks? Really? Is that how we treat a child with low self-esteem, by giving him rocks instead of candy? If I was Charlie Brown, I would have come back in the night and returned all those rocks through their windows. And what is with this Lucy? She’s a JERK, with a capital “J”,...
Read more

The Brady's Brick Square

Image
Do you ever watch “The Brady Bunch” after work? And after watching the jam cook off with Alice and Mrs. Brady, you are troubled with the square brink opening in the kitchen, next to the double ovens. What is that thing? I feel like I have watched every episode and never at anytime has that hollow brink square been addressed. And as an avid watcher I feel like I need answers Mike Brady. You are the one who designed this house, so spill it! What is that thing? Is it some sort of “dumb waiter”? And if so why haven’t the Brady children been using that to get to the bedrooms instead of climbing all those pesky stairs? Especially “older Greg” because his bedroom is all the way up in the attic and he could use a lift. I can’t even enjoy a complete episode anymore because I am so fixated on trying to figure out what that thing is. Can anyone help me out on this?
Read more

The Elder's Quorum Lesson

So one of the things I dread in life is teaching Elder’s Quorum at church. I love to teach Sunday School and could do that all day every day, but those Elders are a tough crowd to teach to. It seems to me, and I could be wrong, that the guys just give up once they get to Elders Quorum. They don’t want to answer any questions, or volunteer to read. They just want to sit there for an hour until church gets out. So here was me yesterday teaching, “OK Friends, so who can tell me what Charity is?” (The distant sound of crickets chirping) Now, I am not afraid of silence and I am a believer in letting people ponder the question before they respond, but after ten minutes of very loud silence it’s time for someone to say “uncle”. It’s like a silent competition to see who will cave first. Will the teacher answer his own question or will the elders finally have the courage to speak up? It’s hard to say who ultimately wins this battle in the end Yesterday, it seemed that I had to answer the majori...
Read more

The Wonder Women Transportation Problem

Image
So last night I couldn’t fall asleep, and for whatever reason my mind went back to the Justice League cartoon I used to watch as child. Remember? You had Superman , Batman , Aquaman , Wonder Women and those annoying Wonder Twins with their monkey (I don’t remember what their function was because they had useless powers and really cause more problems than they fixed) and they would try to defend the Earth from crazy villains. It was a veritable Dream Team of Supers . Every “ Super ” had a cool means of transportation. Superman could fly, Batman had the Batmobile, Aquaman rode on dolphins, and Wonder Women had… an invisible jet. You heard me right friends, an invisible jet. Now the invisible jet would be cool if once Wonder Women was in her jet she would also become invisible, much like the invisibility clock from Harry Potter. That would make sense to me. But she isn’t invisible friends; Wonder Women is clearly visible in the seated position. Which is a really weird position to...
Read more

The Toilet Paper Decision

Is the hardest part of your grocery shopping experience deciding what toilet paper to buy? Yesterday, I ran into the store just to buy toilet paper, and it took me 20 minutes to come to any sort of a conclusion as to which toilet paper would work best for my personal needs. At first, I went for the strongest and softest, the perfect comination of velvet and steel, Ultra Charmin. It almost make s you wish you had the “runs”. However, as many of you know, for whatever reason, a 4-pack of Ultra Charmin, the Mercedes-Benz of toilet paper, now can cost upwards of $5.00. Let’s be honest, why are they trying to gouge us on toilet paper? It’s nothing; it would be something if it was made out of cotton, or an exotic flower. But when you get right down to it, toilet paper is a bunch of lint stuck together on a roll. And they want $5.00 for this thing? I stood there justifying this eleborate purchase by saying, “ You work so hard Rob. You deserve to be pampered at least once a day… or...
Read more

The Revelation of Others

I love when people get revelation for me. It saves me so much time in the hunt for a spouse. I mean, why would I receive revelation for my own affairs when there are a whole army of people intercepting them for me. One day at church, a sweet sister approached me with something very important to say. How do I know it was important? Because, she cupped my elbow with her hand and gently whispered in my ear, " I need to talk to you about something very important. Can I meet with you after church? " Thinking it had something to do with my calling or perhaps an assignment that needed to be filled, I politely agreed to meet her in the chapel after church. During Sunday School I kept thinking that perhaps she had contracted some terrible disease and needed a blessing or perhaps she was having some doubts about her testimony and was needing my help to get her back on track. After the block, I entered the chapel to see her sitting quietly with a very pious look on her face. As ...
Read more