Sweet Peaches


Who doesn't love a nice juicy peach? It is one of natures perfect fruits isn't it? There is nothing like a peach, not a peach from a store mind you, but one ripened on a tree. The ones from the store are usually crunchy and have no flavor.


This weekend my mother brought me some of the peaches she grew from her very own tree. I have to admit that it has been a while since I have had a good peach so I fully indulged myself. My first bite was an orgy of sweet, tart and juicy all rolled into one. Wow, I thought, this is like a little party in my mouth. So I had another and another and another, and well six peaches later I was so satisfied I almost had to have a cigarette out on the deck.


Just as it is in such stories of indulgence, pain inevitably follows. Around 2:00 a.m. I awoke to such terrible pain in my belly. My muscles were spazzing and convulsing that I had to assume the fetal position for about 10 counts. For a minute I thought I was experiencing premenstrual syndrome, also known as PMS, and I started a search for a Midol PM, but being a man I had none in stock. Needless, to say it was a long night.


When I came home from church a viel of forgetfulness came across my mind about the previous evenings angony and I indulged in another round of compulsive peach eating. Only to be followed by the same pain all over again.


You might on occasion ask yourself, "Rob why do this to yourself when you know that you will have such pain?" And I inevitably will say, "Because it is a peach, Wiotch!"

Comments

Megann said…
oh sweet, roberto! you'd already told me the story before and i still laughed out loud reading it a second time. why is it that we find such humor in other people's pain? you should stick to the safe fruits, like grapes. six of those babies and you're still good to go!
September 29, 2008 at 8:57 PM
Erin said…
Robierto, get off of the smokes!
September 30, 2008 at 10:59 AM
Bart said…
I got a tiny bit scared when I started reading this, because I thought you were going to describe the details of what happens with such a fibrous evening snack. Those puppies flush right through, if you know what I'm sayin'. You can skip your spoonful of Metamucil sprinkled on your Frosted Flakes the next morning.
October 6, 2008 at 4:48 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Great Pumpkin As An Adult

Remember when you watched, “ It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown ” as a child and you thought it was an alright cartoon, it was no Loony Tunes, but it was at least watchable. Last night I had an occasion to watch “ It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown ” and as an adult, I have some strong concerns about these kids in the Peanuts cartoons. What is with Charlie Brown? I don’t know if anyone followed his life after his little stint with the “Peanuts” gang, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he killed himself around the age of 14. Everyone picks on him, he can’t even make a good ghost costume, and when everyone else gets buckets of candy whalst out trick-or-treating, his friendly neighbors give him Rocks. Rocks? Really? Is that how we treat a child with low self-esteem, by giving him rocks instead of candy? If I was Charlie Brown, I would have come back in the night and returned all those rocks through their windows. And what is with this Lucy? She’s a JERK, with a capital “J”,...
Read more

The Brady's Brick Square

Image
Do you ever watch “The Brady Bunch” after work? And after watching the jam cook off with Alice and Mrs. Brady, you are troubled with the square brink opening in the kitchen, next to the double ovens. What is that thing? I feel like I have watched every episode and never at anytime has that hollow brink square been addressed. And as an avid watcher I feel like I need answers Mike Brady. You are the one who designed this house, so spill it! What is that thing? Is it some sort of “dumb waiter”? And if so why haven’t the Brady children been using that to get to the bedrooms instead of climbing all those pesky stairs? Especially “older Greg” because his bedroom is all the way up in the attic and he could use a lift. I can’t even enjoy a complete episode anymore because I am so fixated on trying to figure out what that thing is. Can anyone help me out on this?
Read more

The Elder's Quorum Lesson

So one of the things I dread in life is teaching Elder’s Quorum at church. I love to teach Sunday School and could do that all day every day, but those Elders are a tough crowd to teach to. It seems to me, and I could be wrong, that the guys just give up once they get to Elders Quorum. They don’t want to answer any questions, or volunteer to read. They just want to sit there for an hour until church gets out. So here was me yesterday teaching, “OK Friends, so who can tell me what Charity is?” (The distant sound of crickets chirping) Now, I am not afraid of silence and I am a believer in letting people ponder the question before they respond, but after ten minutes of very loud silence it’s time for someone to say “uncle”. It’s like a silent competition to see who will cave first. Will the teacher answer his own question or will the elders finally have the courage to speak up? It’s hard to say who ultimately wins this battle in the end Yesterday, it seemed that I had to answer the majori...
Read more

The Wonder Women Transportation Problem

Image
So last night I couldn’t fall asleep, and for whatever reason my mind went back to the Justice League cartoon I used to watch as child. Remember? You had Superman , Batman , Aquaman , Wonder Women and those annoying Wonder Twins with their monkey (I don’t remember what their function was because they had useless powers and really cause more problems than they fixed) and they would try to defend the Earth from crazy villains. It was a veritable Dream Team of Supers . Every “ Super ” had a cool means of transportation. Superman could fly, Batman had the Batmobile, Aquaman rode on dolphins, and Wonder Women had… an invisible jet. You heard me right friends, an invisible jet. Now the invisible jet would be cool if once Wonder Women was in her jet she would also become invisible, much like the invisibility clock from Harry Potter. That would make sense to me. But she isn’t invisible friends; Wonder Women is clearly visible in the seated position. Which is a really weird position to...
Read more

The Toilet Paper Decision

Is the hardest part of your grocery shopping experience deciding what toilet paper to buy? Yesterday, I ran into the store just to buy toilet paper, and it took me 20 minutes to come to any sort of a conclusion as to which toilet paper would work best for my personal needs. At first, I went for the strongest and softest, the perfect comination of velvet and steel, Ultra Charmin. It almost make s you wish you had the “runs”. However, as many of you know, for whatever reason, a 4-pack of Ultra Charmin, the Mercedes-Benz of toilet paper, now can cost upwards of $5.00. Let’s be honest, why are they trying to gouge us on toilet paper? It’s nothing; it would be something if it was made out of cotton, or an exotic flower. But when you get right down to it, toilet paper is a bunch of lint stuck together on a roll. And they want $5.00 for this thing? I stood there justifying this eleborate purchase by saying, “ You work so hard Rob. You deserve to be pampered at least once a day… or...
Read more

The Revelation of Others

I love when people get revelation for me. It saves me so much time in the hunt for a spouse. I mean, why would I receive revelation for my own affairs when there are a whole army of people intercepting them for me. One day at church, a sweet sister approached me with something very important to say. How do I know it was important? Because, she cupped my elbow with her hand and gently whispered in my ear, " I need to talk to you about something very important. Can I meet with you after church? " Thinking it had something to do with my calling or perhaps an assignment that needed to be filled, I politely agreed to meet her in the chapel after church. During Sunday School I kept thinking that perhaps she had contracted some terrible disease and needed a blessing or perhaps she was having some doubts about her testimony and was needing my help to get her back on track. After the block, I entered the chapel to see her sitting quietly with a very pious look on her face. As ...
Read more