Do you ever go to Wal-Mart and your entrance and exit strategy is correlated upon the location of the Salvation Army bell ringer?
Now don’t get me wrong friends, I believe in the Salvation Army and all the good they do, but seriously who carries around cash any more to drop into the bucket?
And let’s be honest, it does cause some unnecessary guilt when I don't donate, for which I do not need at this time in my life.
So what do I do? Well like most Americans I simply avoid the cause of pain and discomfort by completing avoiding the Bell Ringer all together.
So as I pulled into to the Wal-Mart I noticed the Bell Ringer was stationed at the east entrance, so naturally I walked the extra hundred yards to the west entrance. And I chuckled to myself, “This is too easy, how cleaver I am?”
After I finished my shopping I was heading for the west exit, when to my shock, guess who was stationed in front of my only escape from the Wal-Mart?
Yes,OK, well yeah…obviously the Wal-Mart greeter was there…who in and of itself is a bit of an obstacle to avoid, but no, the Salvation Army Bell Ringer had moved and was blocking my exit, armed with his little bell and red bucket!
His gaze met mine and his eyes seemed to say, “I know what you did to avoid me and so help me I will beat you down before that ever happens again. Now you shall not pass until you drop in your pennies three.”
So for whatever reason, and I know this sound childish, I hid in the pharmacy until I could sneak out in a large group without making eye contact with the Bell Ringer.
From behind I felt his gaze burning into my back. And I know that if I didn’t make it to my car in a hurry he would shot lasers out of his eyes and kill me, ala the sphinxes in The Never Ending Story.
But I say, until the Salvation Army puts debit cards on the sides of their buckets I shouldn’t feel guilty.