The Party Great Escape

Friends, I am not much of a party goer. In fact, if I am being honest, and I would like to think that I am, I HATE parties. I shouldn't say "hate", I like parties that have, oh I don't know, maybe 2-3 people attending. Once we hit 4 people in one room, socially I feel obligated to leave. It's too loud and the social responsibility to talk to all those people is just too much. Am I right?

Last night, I attended a party. When I entered the party there was about 3 people mulling around. We had appetizers, we shared some laughs, it was fantastic.

15 minutes later, all of a sudden there was a steady stream of people flooding the party. Little by little I was pushed into the breakfast nook holding my virgin mint julep and meatball on a tooth pick. I couldn't hear, and I really wasn't the center of attention any more. At this point the voice inside me said, "Um-kay, it's time to go,"

There was a slight problem friends, there was a sea of people between me and the door. Nursing my virgin mint julep, I began formulating a plan.

Now, I know that it is polite to say thank you to the host and all those who planned the party before you leave, but I always worry that they will try to persuade me to stay, because I am so funny and do crazy karaoke (you should see me do "Islands In The Stream. I can do both Dolly and Kenny. It's amazing!), and because I am socially weak and have no backbone, I will usually cave and stay until late into the morning, just out of obligation.

That couldn't happen if I avoided the host all together. Ahhhh (with my voice going up at the end).

So, I put my virgin mint julep down and slowing starting making my way to the door while pretending I was looking at the karaoke selections, but as I was almost do the there the host stepped right in front of the door and began convincing another guest who was leaving to stay.

CRAP!

I dodged to the left and made my way back to the breakfast nook to catch my breath. That is when the singing of "Happy Birthday" started and an idea emerged.

I looked to the front door, but it was still blocked by the host. So I slowly made my way to the patio door that was slightly ajar. While the song was being sung the lights went out. As the birthday girl took in a deep breath to blow out the candles, I slowly opened the sliding glass door. As she blew out the candles, like a ghost I was gone. Sometimes friends, I impress myself greatly.

Now, I did have to have to walk through the spooky woods, run through the sprinklers that were watering her backyard, and get chased by a dog to get to my car, but other than that no problems.

PURE GENIUS.


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