So this morning I went to a seminar about reducing stress in the workplace, which, if I am being really honest, I only attended for the free light breakfast. Oh, and by "light", they meant "lite", because “breakfast” was a “create your own yogurt parfait” bar. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when I walked in and didn't see an omelet bar with a whole bucket of crispy bacon waiting for me.
So there I sat listening to various ways of reducing stress in the workplace, when, out of nowhere, the speaker said, “OK everyone get on the floor. We are going to do a visualization relaxation exercise.” And instantly, I felt a surge of anxiety shot through me.
So there I was in “child’s pose” wishing that I had worn my leotard, which I usually wear under my clothes just in case something like this happens, trying to figure out why I was feeling so anxious doing random Yoga poses in my “business attire” on a conference room floor.
But as I sat there in the dimly lit room, a couple of thoughts floated through my mind.
Anxiety Cause #1- I always assume someone is going to walk in, turn on the lights, and an be like, “ Um, look at these idiots in their dress clothes doing “downward dog. They look so silly.”
It would be different if we were all close friends getting together to work out, but we are total strangers, we haven’t even been introduce yet, and here we are performing this very intimate action of lying on the floor together.
Anxiety Cause #2 -Could it be that I have had too much fruit in my yogurt parfait and I may or may not have been feeling just a touch gassy? It's hard to say, but what I will say is: Yoga + Gassy Stomach = Terrible Consequences.
Anxiety Cause #3 - Here is what my anxiety boils down to. How dare someone force me to relax! It’s as if this instructor was saying “You cannot be trusted to relax on your own, so you will relax now, and you will like it. Stop crying and RELAX!”
'Scuse me? You Relax! I will relax when I am good and ready.
In the meantime, I will be soothing my anxiety by meeting chicks at the yogurt parfait bar.