Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Skinny Jeans

Now, I don’t profess to be a snazzy dresser. I think I have worn the same style since I was in high school, minus the “Zack Morris” hair. So mostly I shop over at the Wal-mart or Target to update my mid-90’s style tread.


So the other day I decided to go to a fancy store and maybe get me some upscale duds for a concert I was going to.

So there I was at the Gap, with a pair of skinny jeans that the saleswomen said would be “just darling” on me.

So I went into the dressing room and stared at myself in skinny jeans and wondered if these were really age appropriate for someone that was 35 and really enjoyed his loose fitting Levis.

That’s around the time I heard a knock at the door.

I froze and threw myself up against the wall hoping that whoever was knocking would see my legs and just move on by to the next available changing room.

Then a women’s voice said, “How are we doing in there?”

Let me just say, there is something very unsettling about hearing a sales woman’s voice through a dressing room door that isn’t tall enough to cover my entire body. It makes me feel very exposed and uncomfortable.

Ummm…I’m fine… (awkward pause) How are you?

I’m good. Thank you for asking. I was just wondering if I could get you something.”

Again, I am kind of new to the whole fancy shopping experience so I wasn’t quite sure what she was asking. Was she offering me some sort of refreshment like French fries or a mini quiche?

Oh, um…I’ll just have water…I think.”

No sir” she replied, “I was seeing if you needed another color or size of pant. We also have some very stylish t-shirts and dress shirts that would go great with those skinny jeans or…

So there I sat as she rattled off all the items in the store that she thought would go well with the skinny jeans that I was wearing that, let’s be honest, were cutting off the circulation in my feet.

OK, I will just be waiting for you outside” she said with an overabundance of excitement in her voice.

So after her whole little presentation was done, there was no doubt that I hated these pants, but she had gone through all this work, that a part of me felt obligated to buy them. And to make matters worse she was waiting for me outside the dressing room so I couldn't do an "army crawl" out of the store. I would have to tell her face to face that I hated these pants and then she would start crying and quite her job at the Gap. So what was I to do?

Well to make a long story short, if any of you are looking for some skinny jeans for your husband for Christmas, I happen to know a guy who is looking to give some away.

You let me know.


Monday, December 6, 2010

The Chia-Obama

Friends-

What in the what? Are people insane?

My friend told me about the Chi-Obama on Saturday and I said, "Surely, you gest."
Upon which she replied, "I do not Gest...and don't call me Shirley (shout out to the Leslie Neilson).

The thing that makes me laugh so hard about this is how serious they are about it. I mean, it's a Chia, not a commemorative plate or coin from the Franklin Mint...it's a chunk of pottery, and they are acting like it is a great symbol of our patriotism.

Really?

Honestly, I didn't vote for President Obama but this makes me feel sorry for him.
He has been reduced to a "Chia".

I have to say, I do the love the tackiness of it. It just screams "poor taste".
Will you all be getting one of these as your gift from me this year?
"YES...YOU...WILL!"