The Skinny Jeans

Now, I don’t profess to be a snazzy dresser. I think I have worn the same style since I was in high school, minus the “Zack Morris” hair. So mostly I shop over at the Wal-mart or Target to update my mid-90’s style tread.

So the other day I decided to go to a fancy store and maybe get me some upscale duds for a concert I was going to.

So there I was at the Gap, with a pair of skinny jeans that the saleswomen said would be “just darling” on me.

So I went into the dressing room and stared at myself in skinny jeans and wondered if these were really age appropriate for someone that was 35 and really enjoyed his loose fitting Levis.

That’s around the time I heard a knock at the door.

I froze and threw myself up against the wall hoping that whoever was knocking would see my legs and just move on by to the next available changing room.

Then a women’s voice said, “How are we doing in there?”

Let me just say, there is something very unsettling about hearing a sales woman’s voice through a dressing room door that isn’t tall enough to cover my entire body. It makes me feel very exposed and uncomfortable.

Ummm…I’m fine… (awkward pause) How are you?

I’m good. Thank you for asking. I was just wondering if I could get you something.”

Again, I am kind of new to the whole fancy shopping experience so I wasn’t quite sure what she was asking. Was she offering me some sort of refreshment like French fries or a mini quiche?

Oh, um…I’ll just have water…I think.”

No sir” she replied, “I was seeing if you needed another color or size of pant. We also have some very stylish t-shirts and dress shirts that would go great with those skinny jeans or…

So there I sat as she rattled off all the items in the store that she thought would go well with the skinny jeans that I was wearing that, let’s be honest, were cutting off the circulation in my feet.

OK, I will just be waiting for you outside” she said with an overabundance of excitement in her voice.

So after her whole little presentation was done, there was no doubt that I hated these pants, but she had gone through all this work, that a part of me felt obligated to buy them. And to make matters worse she was waiting for me outside the dressing room so I couldn't do an "army crawl" out of the store. I would have to tell her face to face that I hated these pants and then she would start crying and quite her job at the Gap. So what was I to do?

Well to make a long story short, if any of you are looking for some skinny jeans for your husband for Christmas, I happen to know a guy who is looking to give some away.

You let me know.


kjgray75 said…
Since Brandon has yet to provide me with a Christmas list, I think those jeans will be just perfect. If you could please have them hemmed about 8 inches, I'll pick them up before Christmas Eve.
ShEiLa said…
I think Conan O'Brien modeled these the other night. I don't like the looks of them in the least... but I am sure some people do or they wouldn't be so popular right now.

Good luck in finding the person that loves them. YOU are way too nice... she would have understood. I suggest you take them back. What are the chances that she will be there.


oh and Merry Christmas!!!
Jennie said…
I love how you said "the Walmart". :) Have a great holiday!
sara said…
I might have peed in my skinny pants a little when I read this post, bless you and your efforts to spare the nice girl her job.
Megs said…
I do not understand the skinny jean, even on skinny people. NOT A GOOD LOOK!! But what do I know, I am not what you would call "fashion forward."
Erin said…
Bless you, dear Robbie. I sure miss you and your life lessons - especially those of the skinny jeans.
Nathan said…
As someone who was the butt of many jokes from my brothers about my skinny legs when I was younger (my favorite was "Hey Nathan, what are those white strings hanging out of your shorts?"), I categorically refuse to shove myself into a pair.

I won't even do it on a dare.

The resulting image would probably cause the universe to implode.

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