Monday, September 26, 2011

The Potty Humor

OK Friends, you know I am a sucker for some good “potty humor”. Call it a weakness, but my brain just automatically goes there. And the last place that you would expect for my brain to find “potty humor” is at church. But friends I did.

So I was sitting in Elder’s Quorum trying to be spiritual and find greater meaning in my life when the teacher asked “What can we do to find greater meaning in our lives.”

And as I sat pondering the question, the brother in front of me raised his hand and said this, “Ya know brothers it’s the things that we do, do everyday that makes a difference.

Where upon I thought, “Uh huh, uh huh…what was that?”

And then he said some other things and then repeated the phrase, “Ya know brothers it’s the things that we do, do everyday that makes a difference.

And my neighbor and I slowly turned to look at each other to confirm if we were hearing correctly, and his giggles confirmed our good brother said “Doo doo” in church. And not only that, but he used the word “doo doo” in a sentence where it actually made sense in context.

The mature thing would have been to gain composure and be an adult about the whole thing.
But friends, I giggled throughout the entire meeting.

I really need to do my duty, and out grow this “potty humor” brain of mine.

Monday, September 19, 2011

The Star Wars Pageant Tribute

So my friend Stacey came over the other night and announced she wanted to try out for Miss. Daybreak 2011.

Where upon I said, "Stacey I have the best idea for your talent. I am thinking StarWars, trumpet solos, and dance."

It was a beautiful marriage of creativity and innovation. Luckily someone filmed this little gem for your viewing pleasure.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Sales People Anxiety

Friends, I don’t know how to put this gently, but… I HATE SALES PEOPLE.

I just don’t like all that pressure when I am spending money. I like to take my time and think everything through. And sometimes I find that after a sales person gives their little schpill, I buy what they are pushing, just because I don’t want to hurt their feelings, as is evidenced by my $600.00 road bike that I have ridden five times.

Sure there are some coping techniques to get around talking to sales people such as, pretending you are on an all important cell phone call, speed walking through the store so the sales people can’t catch you, or you could just pretend you are deaf. All of which have to proven to work very well for me in the past.

Now I have been putting off buying a new mattress for about a year. But last week, laying in bed and realizing that my legs were sticking straight up in the air due to the dilapidation of my mattress, I figured it was time to start looking.

So I went to the furniture store, determined not to be bothered by a sales person. My intent was to go in lay on some beds, and perhaps jump on some of them with a bottle of wine and some goblets set at the other end.And I have found that when a sales person hounds me, it really hinders the freedom of expression that I so desperately need as I leap from bed to bed.

So as soon as I walked into the furniture store, which literally was crawling with sales people, I was greeted by an overly perky sales person named Nancy, whom I will lovingly refer from this point on as...“Nancy Pants”.

Nancy Pants: So what are you looking for?
Robierto: A mattress
Nancy Pants: Do you know what kind of mattress you need?
Robierto: No.
Nancy Pants: Do you need a firm mattress or a soft mattress?
Robierto: Um…I am not really sure
Nancy Pants: Why are you wearing pajamas and holding a bottle of wine and some goblets?

So I finally told Nancy Pants that I probably just needed to go try some mattresses out by myself to find what I really needed. 

So I wandered in to the showroom and fell back on a good Ol’Queen size, and pondered the possibility of setting up the goblets, when I felt someone lay down beside me.

Nancy Pants: So what do you think?
Robierto: I think you need to respect my personal space “Nancy Pants” and hop off this mattress ASAP. (I didn’t say that, but it was how I felt.)

But she just lay there next to me, which seemed so inappropriate on so many levels. And I could feel myself getting more and more anxious and she talked about lower lumbar support.

So finally, almost to the point where I thought I was going to hyperventilate, I said, “Good Nancy, can I have you check to see if this comfy mattress is in stock?

Where upon she jumped off the mattress and I jumped out the door and drove home as fast as I could.

Am I embarrassed that I possibly have a social anxiety related to sales people?
Am I sad that Nancy Pants didn’t get the sales commission she thought she had coming so she could provide Christmas for her children this year?
But while I am fixing myself and evaluating my mental health status, CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GO BUY A MATTRESS FOR ME?
Much Thanks,