The Sales People Anxiety

Friends, I don’t know how to put this gently, but… I HATE SALES PEOPLE.

I just don’t like all that pressure when I am spending money. I like to take my time and think everything through. And sometimes I find that after a sales person gives their little schpill, I buy what they are pushing, just because I don’t want to hurt their feelings, as is evidenced by my $600.00 road bike that I have ridden five times.

Sure there are some coping techniques to get around talking to sales people such as, pretending you are on an all important cell phone call, speed walking through the store so the sales people can’t catch you, or you could just pretend you are deaf. All of which have to proven to work very well for me in the past.

Now I have been putting off buying a new mattress for about a year. But last week, laying in bed and realizing that my legs were sticking straight up in the air due to the dilapidation of my mattress, I figured it was time to start looking.

So I went to the furniture store, determined not to be bothered by a sales person. My intent was to go in lay on some beds, and perhaps jump on some of them with a bottle of wine and some goblets set at the other end.And I have found that when a sales person hounds me, it really hinders the freedom of expression that I so desperately need as I leap from bed to bed.

So as soon as I walked into the furniture store, which literally was crawling with sales people, I was greeted by an overly perky sales person named Nancy, whom I will lovingly refer from this point on as...“Nancy Pants”.

Nancy Pants: So what are you looking for?
Robierto: A mattress
Nancy Pants: Do you know what kind of mattress you need?
Robierto: No.
Nancy Pants: Do you need a firm mattress or a soft mattress?
Robierto: Um…I am not really sure
Nancy Pants: Why are you wearing pajamas and holding a bottle of wine and some goblets?

So I finally told Nancy Pants that I probably just needed to go try some mattresses out by myself to find what I really needed. 

So I wandered in to the showroom and fell back on a good Ol’Queen size, and pondered the possibility of setting up the goblets, when I felt someone lay down beside me.

Nancy Pants: So what do you think?
Robierto: I think you need to respect my personal space “Nancy Pants” and hop off this mattress ASAP. (I didn’t say that, but it was how I felt.)

But she just lay there next to me, which seemed so inappropriate on so many levels. And I could feel myself getting more and more anxious and she talked about lower lumbar support.

So finally, almost to the point where I thought I was going to hyperventilate, I said, “Good Nancy, can I have you check to see if this comfy mattress is in stock?

Where upon she jumped off the mattress and I jumped out the door and drove home as fast as I could.

Am I embarrassed that I possibly have a social anxiety related to sales people?
Am I sad that Nancy Pants didn’t get the sales commission she thought she had coming so she could provide Christmas for her children this year?
But while I am fixing myself and evaluating my mental health status, CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GO BUY A MATTRESS FOR ME?
Much Thanks,


Shawna Marie said…
Two words.... Online Shopping :) Although then I get anxiety thinking " Is this as good as the reviews say it is? Is this really what I want. " So far so good though!
j said…
I bought my last bed at Costco. Probably low quality, but nobody tried to spoon me into buying it.

Probably time to get a new one, but yeah, not relishing the thought of mattress shopping.
Carrot Jello said…
Maybe Nancy Pants just wanted to be able to say she was in bed with a guy.
My husband always says - we'll let you know when we need something.
Because he knows I hate sales people.
Kimi D said…
The best defense against a sales rep? Another sales rep.

I'd be happy to go shop with you and use my powers for good. And if you decide to go without me, my body and I recommend Intelligel...we've never been happier!
Heidi said…
TWICE you've made me laugh this day when I have had several small come-aparts. Bless you.
M Davis said…
When you finally find the right mattress, can I borrow your bottle of wine? I need to start my own search...
Jana B. said…
I know the feeling--I especially hate it when they want you to try things on at a clothing store and they ask you all sorts of uncomfortable questions about how it fits, etc. Nancy Pants sounds like a lot of fun--clingy, persistent, oblivious to the fact that you said you're "just looking." Her boss probably loves her.
I am with J. Buy it at Costco. Especially if you don't have something specific in mind. It will be better than what you have now.

I also want to say that I am married to one of you. I am absolutely convinced that he only married me so I could make decisions for him and protect him from the sales force. I love you, I will make a decision for you any time. No hesitation, no regret....most of the time.
Carol said…
Are you serious? She really laid down beside you? Even those people without Salesperson anxiety would find this weird.
Wendy said…
Dear Rob

My roommate has a mattress from Sam's Club. I lovingly refer to it as The Mallow (as in marshmallow). It is so incredibly comfortable. Not too firm, not to soft...just right. It's a Serta. Go get yourself a Serta plush on one of those big flatbed carts, roll it out the doors, and be done. :)

Sister Higgins Jr.

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