Friday, July 27, 2012

The Blind Dates


Sometimes blind dates cause more questions than they do answers, don’t they?

This last month was five years since my last blind date and since that time I have built up a lot of self confidence, got a haircut, and cut my nose hair so it doesn't dangle below the rim.

So one of my good friends, who I would says knows me really well, approached me about going on a blind date. Normally I would just shut the man down, but he assured me that he had found the perfect girl for me. He assured me that we had so much in common, and that we were so similar that we could be related. I am pretty fantastic, so why wouldn’t I love to hang out with the female version of me?

So I walked into the restaurant looking for a tall, funny girl who was devastatingly good looking.

But after looking around I didn’t see anyone that fit that description. The only other person in the restaurant was a short girl in a turtleneck. I asked if she was the person I was there to see, and she said that she was without making direct eye contact.

So we both sat down and started chatting about ourselves, well mostly I started chatting; she was really busy on her mobile device. I think she was on a really difficult stage of Angry Birds or something.

So within the first five minutes, I maxed out all my conversation skills. And there we sat in a very loud, awkward silence for what seemed to be an hour.  I sat there sweating profusely trying to come up with any topic to talk about, and she entertained herself with an intense game of “Draw Something” with her super fun friends online.  

Needless to say, the whole experience was a nightmare, with a capitol "N", which rhythms with SIN, and that stands for blind dates. Oh we got trouble...

So naturally this wasn’t a love connection, and I am really not upset about it because…forgive me…, who wears a turtleneck in July?

But the thing I am most concerned about is, why people who claim to know me so well, set me up with people that are not even close, nay, not even in the right galaxy of what I would be interested in?

And when the people closest to me say things like, “You have so much in common” and “You guys are so much alike, that I could wet myself”, I have an expectation that this date could really be something great. 

And then I show up to find a social retarded girl who wears turtle necks in July. It makes me wonder if they see me as a socially retarded man who enjoys wearing socks with his flip flops, to set me up with such ding dongs.

I am really beginning to wonder what kind of a vibe I am giving off here. I have to admit, I am trying to tone down my awesomeness, but maybe I have toned it down two notches too low. It’s hard to say.



Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Iron Man Sighting


Iron Man texting on the train, next to his super cool 10 speed.
A lot of people don't know, this but when it rains outside, Iron Man takes the TRAX train.

He got off at the mall where I can only assume he is meeting Thor and the Hulk at the food court for a "slice" at Sbarro's.

They will discuss their next mission and then stop on over to the Gap to buy some skinny jeans.
But not the Hulk, he is kind of stuck on the purple capri pant look.