The Blind Dates

Sometimes blind dates cause more questions than they do answers, don’t they?

This last month was five years since my last blind date and since that time I have built up a lot of self confidence, got a haircut, and cut my nose hair so it doesn't dangle below the rim.

So one of my good friends, who I would says knows me really well, approached me about going on a blind date. Normally I would just shut the man down, but he assured me that he had found the perfect girl for me. He assured me that we had so much in common, and that we were so similar that we could be related. I am pretty fantastic, so why wouldn’t I love to hang out with the female version of me?

So I walked into the restaurant looking for a tall, funny girl who was devastatingly good looking.

But after looking around I didn’t see anyone that fit that description. The only other person in the restaurant was a short girl in a turtleneck. I asked if she was the person I was there to see, and she said that she was without making direct eye contact.

So we both sat down and started chatting about ourselves, well mostly I started chatting; she was really busy on her mobile device. I think she was on a really difficult stage of Angry Birds or something.

So within the first five minutes, I maxed out all my conversation skills. And there we sat in a very loud, awkward silence for what seemed to be an hour.  I sat there sweating profusely trying to come up with any topic to talk about, and she entertained herself with an intense game of “Draw Something” with her super fun friends online.  

Needless to say, the whole experience was a nightmare, with a capitol "N", which rhythms with SIN, and that stands for blind dates. Oh we got trouble...

So naturally this wasn’t a love connection, and I am really not upset about it because…forgive me…, who wears a turtleneck in July?

But the thing I am most concerned about is, why people who claim to know me so well, set me up with people that are not even close, nay, not even in the right galaxy of what I would be interested in?

And when the people closest to me say things like, “You have so much in common” and “You guys are so much alike, that I could wet myself”, I have an expectation that this date could really be something great. 

And then I show up to find a social retarded girl who wears turtle necks in July. It makes me wonder if they see me as a socially retarded man who enjoys wearing socks with his flip flops, to set me up with such ding dongs.

I am really beginning to wonder what kind of a vibe I am giving off here. I have to admit, I am trying to tone down my awesomeness, but maybe I have toned it down two notches too low. It’s hard to say.


DeeAura said…
HAHAHA! Okay, I...never comment on here, but I creepily ready your blog from time to time, and that's okay. But I just had to say I'm very sorry about your horrid blind date. I hate the blind ones. All of them. "You guys are so much alike that I could wet myself." I swear that line has been delivered to me once before as well...with the same result. Ah, dating.
LisAway said…
Oh, gosh, Beto. I know who would be PERFECT for you!! DeeAura! The commenter above me! Now read what she wrote and dare tell me that you DON'T at least have SOMETHING in common!

This post made me laugh out loud repeatedly. I thank you for that.
LisAway said…
And, BTW, I read this while watching the opening ceremony of the Olympics and I have to say your post was many times more entertaining than anything I saw on TV.
Chris Mower said…
Well now I'm curious. Did the guy who set you up wet himself? Actually, he's probably out their collecting money on a bet!

Maybe in one of your posts you should describe the type of gal you're looking for... if not you might keep ending up with Velma.
Jill said…
What a fool. Didn't that silly girl know what a tall glass of awesomeness was sitting in front of her!? How sad for her. BTW, the gal I want to set you up with wanted to know if she could bring her cats on the date. Do you mind?
michelle said…
Robbie, you make me happy and I may have wet my pants reading this post. Why can't we just re-wind back to Orem High when life was easy and normal, and everyone in EVERY cast of every show had secret crushes on you (myself included)? You are fabulous. Don't tone down your awesomeness.

Also turtleneck in July+not being able to make eye contact/peel herself away from her phone does indeed= DISASTER! I concur.

In the mean time let my meddling, self rightious self show you a cool article. I met the author at a party recently and he was hilarious! Much like you.
Becki said…
Hey Rob, Dallin an I know the perfect girl to set you up with. You two are so alike I could wet myself! Call me!

But seriously, sorry to hear about that terrible date! Blind dates are awful!
Erin said…
Dearest Robbie, how about just saying no to anymore blind dates, m'kay? They are just bad news! Even the people who know you best couldn't find the person you are looking for, because sometimes we don't always know until we find it, then BAM, it's there. Bless you.
The che said…
Ha Ha! So funny! I can totally relate. I was once set up on a blind date with a high-functioning autistic guy who refused to make eye contact and paused for about 5 seconds of silence before answering any questions.

On another occasion I had a blind date with a guy who was packing heat. O what marvelous journal entries and blog fodder blind dates provide!

Most ironic is that I don't even know you, but I have your blog in my queue because a long time ago a mutual friend wanted to set me up on a blind date with you(haha!). So she passed along your blog and I thought it was funny so I kept it in my list for a laugh on the rare occasion that I check blogs.
Kuntz Family said…
It sounds like your super good friend that knows you really well, also has a REALLY good sense of humor.
Carrot Jello said…
Maybe if you made a dating video for you blog...
Carrot Jello said…
I know!
Just show them this...
so they can know how helpful you are.
Once a girl see that, all bets are off.
Carrot Jello said…
don't show them the part when you demand a choice.
"I need you to commit to this relationship..." - I think I found your problem.
Too demanding.
city said…
thanks for sharing.

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