Monday, March 21, 2011

The Hand Shake or the Hug

I think George was just looking for handshake buddy.

So I was at a social function last week where I spotted an old acquaintance that I hadn’t seen for a couple years. As I was walking across the room to greet them I realized I wasn’t sure what my greeting execution was going to be. Should I give a hug or a handshake?

We were good friends at one time, so I was leaning towards a hug, but then I thought it had been over 10 years, and I haven’t talked to them since college, so maybe a handshake was more appropriate.

But then I started to freak out because I wasn’t sure what mode of greeting I was going to use, and I was walking towards them. My head was screaming “Abort! Abort!”, but they had already seen me coming, so I couldn’t pivot and run out the door.

So I firmly decided I was going for the handshake because it was the safest approach. So I smiled and extended my hand, which they grabbed and pulled me in for…that’s right, a hug.

Unfortunately, because my feet were set for a hand shake, the little pull forward made me lose my balance and I fell right into their head and got a big ol’ mouth full of hair. Because I was trying frantically get the hair out of my mouth, I think I might have bite them on the top of their head.

We very slowly pulled away, as their hand reached to their head to apply pressure to stop, what I can only assume was a tooth induce injury to the skull.

Oh friends, what is the proper protocol for these types of situations? It begs the question, what is appropriate the handshake or the hug?

I would love to know, and I am sure my friends would feel a greater sense of safety around me if I figured this out.

Monday, March 14, 2011

The Social Office Mate

Do you ever wonder if people are socially retarded?

I have this woman at work who stops by, and after she is done with her business she just sits in my office.

So, when I say “office” you are going to think of a room with a large desk in it with chairs in front to consult with people. But when I say “office” I mean a broom closet with a two chairs that are almost touching.

So as we sit there, knee to knee in absolute silence, I ask, “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

No.” She replies.

And then she sits there in silence looking at me.

So what do I do?
 I am very adverse to silence when two people are sitting so close together and I start to sweat and my heart starts a poundin’. What does this women want with me?

Alright then…great! Um…so. Great!”

Still, she sits there with no response.

She obviously is not aware of verbal cues, so I switched to non-verbal cues. I start shuffling papers around my desk and sighing heavily (P.S. this technique also works very well for when your boss walks by your office to see if you have enough to do. It makes you look really busy. Give it a try.)

And…nothing. She still just sits across from me smiling.

Finally, out of desperation I pretended someone is calling me and shout, “Um, what? Oh, oh-kay, I am coming” and run out of my office to go and hide in the bathroom where I am safe from this anxious situation.

Someone might want to go check on this sweet lady. For all I know she is still in my office just smiling at the wall.

People are so weird


Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Mode Song

This is about how I feel today.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Fortress of Solitude

Do you ever have times when things at work get overwhelmingly hectic? The phone is ringing off the hook, people keep giving you projects, and to make matters worse, you forget to wear deodorant?

At times like this, I have found a refuge of peace in the family bathroom in our office. I don't use the facilities in the traditional way, but just like the idea that I can just shut the door and no one will disturb me.

Sometimes, I like to go in there for; oh I don’t know, like, 3 or 30 minutes just to get away from it all.

Sometimes I like to just close my eyes and shut away the world, much like the Calgon commercials of yesteryear, minus the bubbles.

As I lay on the coolness of the tile it takes all the stress away.