The Hand Shake or the Hug

I think George was just looking for handshake buddy.

So I was at a social function last week where I spotted an old acquaintance that I hadn’t seen for a couple years. As I was walking across the room to greet them I realized I wasn’t sure what my greeting execution was going to be. Should I give a hug or a handshake?

We were good friends at one time, so I was leaning towards a hug, but then I thought it had been over 10 years, and I haven’t talked to them since college, so maybe a handshake was more appropriate.

But then I started to freak out because I wasn’t sure what mode of greeting I was going to use, and I was walking towards them. My head was screaming “Abort! Abort!”, but they had already seen me coming, so I couldn’t pivot and run out the door.

So I firmly decided I was going for the handshake because it was the safest approach. So I smiled and extended my hand, which they grabbed and pulled me in for…that’s right, a hug.

Unfortunately, because my feet were set for a hand shake, the little pull forward made me lose my balance and I fell right into their head and got a big ol’ mouth full of hair. Because I was trying frantically get the hair out of my mouth, I think I might have bite them on the top of their head.

We very slowly pulled away, as their hand reached to their head to apply pressure to stop, what I can only assume was a tooth induce injury to the skull.

Oh friends, what is the proper protocol for these types of situations? It begs the question, what is appropriate the handshake or the hug?

I would love to know, and I am sure my friends would feel a greater sense of safety around me if I figured this out.

Comments

Carrot Jello said…
First of all, since he was and "old acquaintance", you should have raised your glass and sang, "Auld lang syne". Even if you didn't have a glass, you should have scanned the room and found something quickly to raise. A water bottle...a pencil cup...can of soup, what have you.
It's respectful.
Then you should have followed up with a knuckle bump.
Why?

http://www.tomatopages.com/folsomforum/index.php?showtopic=15996

That's why.
I would suggest you check your city's park and recreation website for the next available "Social Skills 101" class and sign yourself up.
Maybe bring that woman that hangs out in your office.
Who knows, you might just get a discount for bringing friends.
March 21, 2011 at 1:26 PM
Carrot Jello said…
I meant to type "Secondly" before I suggested the class.
I'm reading it, and it's bothering me now.
March 21, 2011 at 1:28 PM
Molly Bice-Jackson said…
Was this at my concert?

Do tell.

I'm so glad you came! What did you think? I need your expert feedback.

And please stop making me laugh so hard when Pedro is sleeping.
March 21, 2011 at 1:34 PM
Nathan said…
I always find a nice ficus or end table to stand behind so they have no choice but to keep their distance.

That way I don't have to go all the way to DEFCON 1 whenever there is a dinner party or reunion.
March 21, 2011 at 1:38 PM
Missy said…
Gender of said "acquaintance" has been purposely left ambiguous. But I always go for the hug.
March 21, 2011 at 1:44 PM
Carrot Jello said…
I suggest you bring Nathan along to your social skills class too.
March 21, 2011 at 3:19 PM
-RSM said…
I think biting someone's head is a completely legit greeting after 10 years. So, you were right on with that one. Also acceptable: zurberts.
March 21, 2011 at 3:54 PM
Jess said…
Oh my goodness, you had me laughing out loud as I read this post.
March 22, 2011 at 12:47 PM
Katie Riggs Hansen said…
This is an interesting conundrum (that word is really fun to type)
I would likely use the previously mentioned ficus to observe how they are greeting others and follow suit BUT you have your own set of special circumstances with your height.
I would go for the swoop and swing. That is, swoop them up, so they are at your level to avoid any moist pit awkwardness, and then swing them about playfully.
I suppose that begs the question, how many rotations?
This is complicated and I need a nap.
March 31, 2011 at 8:44 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Great Pumpkin As An Adult

Remember when you watched, “ It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown ” as a child and you thought it was an alright cartoon, it was no Loony Tunes, but it was at least watchable. Last night I had an occasion to watch “ It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown ” and as an adult, I have some strong concerns about these kids in the Peanuts cartoons. What is with Charlie Brown? I don’t know if anyone followed his life after his little stint with the “Peanuts” gang, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he killed himself around the age of 14. Everyone picks on him, he can’t even make a good ghost costume, and when everyone else gets buckets of candy whalst out trick-or-treating, his friendly neighbors give him Rocks. Rocks? Really? Is that how we treat a child with low self-esteem, by giving him rocks instead of candy? If I was Charlie Brown, I would have come back in the night and returned all those rocks through their windows. And what is with this Lucy? She’s a JERK, with a capital “J”,...
Read more

The Brady's Brick Square

Image
Do you ever watch “The Brady Bunch” after work? And after watching the jam cook off with Alice and Mrs. Brady, you are troubled with the square brink opening in the kitchen, next to the double ovens. What is that thing? I feel like I have watched every episode and never at anytime has that hollow brink square been addressed. And as an avid watcher I feel like I need answers Mike Brady. You are the one who designed this house, so spill it! What is that thing? Is it some sort of “dumb waiter”? And if so why haven’t the Brady children been using that to get to the bedrooms instead of climbing all those pesky stairs? Especially “older Greg” because his bedroom is all the way up in the attic and he could use a lift. I can’t even enjoy a complete episode anymore because I am so fixated on trying to figure out what that thing is. Can anyone help me out on this?
Read more

The Elder's Quorum Lesson

So one of the things I dread in life is teaching Elder’s Quorum at church. I love to teach Sunday School and could do that all day every day, but those Elders are a tough crowd to teach to. It seems to me, and I could be wrong, that the guys just give up once they get to Elders Quorum. They don’t want to answer any questions, or volunteer to read. They just want to sit there for an hour until church gets out. So here was me yesterday teaching, “OK Friends, so who can tell me what Charity is?” (The distant sound of crickets chirping) Now, I am not afraid of silence and I am a believer in letting people ponder the question before they respond, but after ten minutes of very loud silence it’s time for someone to say “uncle”. It’s like a silent competition to see who will cave first. Will the teacher answer his own question or will the elders finally have the courage to speak up? It’s hard to say who ultimately wins this battle in the end Yesterday, it seemed that I had to answer the majori...
Read more

The Wonder Women Transportation Problem

Image
So last night I couldn’t fall asleep, and for whatever reason my mind went back to the Justice League cartoon I used to watch as child. Remember? You had Superman , Batman , Aquaman , Wonder Women and those annoying Wonder Twins with their monkey (I don’t remember what their function was because they had useless powers and really cause more problems than they fixed) and they would try to defend the Earth from crazy villains. It was a veritable Dream Team of Supers . Every “ Super ” had a cool means of transportation. Superman could fly, Batman had the Batmobile, Aquaman rode on dolphins, and Wonder Women had… an invisible jet. You heard me right friends, an invisible jet. Now the invisible jet would be cool if once Wonder Women was in her jet she would also become invisible, much like the invisibility clock from Harry Potter. That would make sense to me. But she isn’t invisible friends; Wonder Women is clearly visible in the seated position. Which is a really weird position to...
Read more

The Toilet Paper Decision

Is the hardest part of your grocery shopping experience deciding what toilet paper to buy? Yesterday, I ran into the store just to buy toilet paper, and it took me 20 minutes to come to any sort of a conclusion as to which toilet paper would work best for my personal needs. At first, I went for the strongest and softest, the perfect comination of velvet and steel, Ultra Charmin. It almost make s you wish you had the “runs”. However, as many of you know, for whatever reason, a 4-pack of Ultra Charmin, the Mercedes-Benz of toilet paper, now can cost upwards of $5.00. Let’s be honest, why are they trying to gouge us on toilet paper? It’s nothing; it would be something if it was made out of cotton, or an exotic flower. But when you get right down to it, toilet paper is a bunch of lint stuck together on a roll. And they want $5.00 for this thing? I stood there justifying this eleborate purchase by saying, “ You work so hard Rob. You deserve to be pampered at least once a day… or...
Read more

The Revelation of Others

I love when people get revelation for me. It saves me so much time in the hunt for a spouse. I mean, why would I receive revelation for my own affairs when there are a whole army of people intercepting them for me. One day at church, a sweet sister approached me with something very important to say. How do I know it was important? Because, she cupped my elbow with her hand and gently whispered in my ear, " I need to talk to you about something very important. Can I meet with you after church? " Thinking it had something to do with my calling or perhaps an assignment that needed to be filled, I politely agreed to meet her in the chapel after church. During Sunday School I kept thinking that perhaps she had contracted some terrible disease and needed a blessing or perhaps she was having some doubts about her testimony and was needing my help to get her back on track. After the block, I entered the chapel to see her sitting quietly with a very pious look on her face. As ...
Read more