Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The Best Workout

Many people ask me, “Robierto, what is your secret for staying in such fabulous shape.”
My response, “Mind your own bees wax”.

But today I will reveal to my gentle readers the secret for my shapely buns and thighs.

I usually do some aerobics in the morning. "Find it. Feel it. DO IT!"

And in the evening I like to bring my moves to the street and hit the dance clubs. My favorite moves can be found at 2:30 when we hit the “freestyle”. Wait for it...

Friends, don't hate me because I’m beautiful.

Shout out to Adrien and Kim for these great clips.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The Mysterious "U"

Here is the favorite part of my day.
I walked past my co-worker’s cubicle and saw him staring out the window.
Robierto: Um, Joe, what are you looking at buddy?
Joe: How long has the that “U” been on the side of the mountain (referring to the gynormus U by the University of Utah).
Robierto:  Um, I don't know, like a hundred years.
Joe: (he laughs) That’s funny. But seriously, did they put that thing up over the weekend?
Robierto: No. Seriously. I really think the pioneers sectioned it off, put it in their handcarts and walked across the plains, and then reconstructed it when they arrived in the valley. It’s that old.

(But then he looked confused and I realized we weren't joking any more. 

Robierto: Joe? You have never notice the "U" on the mountain before? Really?
Joe: No. I just noticed it today.
Robierto: But Joe, It’s over a 100 feet tall. And you have worked here for over a year with your window pointing right to it.
Joe: Yeah, I don’t know. That’s so weird. You would think I would have noticed it as I drove to school every day.
Robierto: Where do you go to school Joe?
Joe:  The University of Utah.

Friends, sometimes I fear that Joe is “touched”.

Friday, April 8, 2011

The Peter Pan Mishap

Here is a cautionary tale of the dangers of falling in love within the walls of the theater.

Once upon a time there was a young, up and coming actress by the name of Veronica. She thrilled when she saw the news that her local community theater was putting on Peter Pan, or for those of you who speak Spanish, Pedro Pan.

She was determined to be cast in the role as Peter, and she didn’t care who she had to hurt or kill to make her dream a reality.

Enter one Hank, a lowly stage hand, who never had a women show any interest in him at all. He spent his nights designing sets and figuring out how to get the pulley system to work so he could make people appear to fly during the upcoming production of Peter Pan.

Veronica knew that if she could use her feminine charms to seduce Hank, she was sure he could make it possible for her to be cast as Peter Pan. Little did Hank know that Veronica was just using him to get her Ethel Merman sized voice on the stage.

Well her plan worked and after many a night whispering “sweet nothings” in Hank’s ear, Hank used his stage hand influence and got the director to cast Veronica as the lovable Peter Pan.

But, as is often the way in these tales, Veronica turned her Peggy Fleming hair and attentions towards the man cast as Captain Hook, a man whom we shall call, Ramone. And she began cheating on Hank with latin born, Ramone. While Hank was out training Michael and John how to fly, Veronica was making out with Ramone in her dressing room.

Meanwhile, Hank was still enamored with Veronica and thought that their romance would last long after the show was over (which, by the way, is rare in the theater world).  

On opening night Hank thought he would surprise Veronica with flowers and a poem he had written, which wasn’t very good, but he thought if there was a lull in the conversation he could break it out.

As he opened her dressing room door, he was shocked to see Veronica eating grapes off of Ramone’s prop Hook.

Hank, as any good thespian would do, screamed like a girl, and made a spectacle of himself by crying loudly and tearing at his clothes.

But then a thought arose in Hank’s mind, a thought so dark, and so ugly that it made a Shakespeare tragedy look like an after school special. The wheels in his head starting turning, the dark and greasy wheels of revenge overcame him.

What if something were to happen to Veronica’s cable while she was flying tonight?” He asked in a sinister voice.

Well friends, this is what the audience saw as Veronica took to the skies as Peter Pan…

Here are some hilarious Peter Pan mishaps that I think are hilarious. Be careful when you dream "happy thought" you could fly right out of your bed.

Sometimes people get so angry when the director casts his own daughter as a lead...

Monday, April 4, 2011

The Silent Appreciation

Have you ever heard someone sing in church, the song continues to build and build and build until they climax to this glorious note? And then the song finishes and that last note hangs in the air and you can hear the echo bouncing off the walls and then…silence.

And you know you are moved. And you know the singer is moved. But there is just a very loud silence, and it feels awkward because you want to communicate how much their song meant to you, and explain why the person next to you is rocking and weeping. But how do you do that?

I am not saying that we need to applaud in church, or anything.  But wouldn’t it be something if we could come up with a silent way to show how much we appreciated a spiritual experience that someone has given us through a song or talk?

I am leaning towards “sprit fingers” directed in the vicinity of the speaker or musician, but I haven’t ruled out a designated individual to do a toe-touch for everyone present.  

Or what about giving everyone little white boards so they can express in one word responses how they are feeling. But conversely, when there are bad musical numbers or the high councilman’s talk runs long. I think the bishop might be a little shocked as to some words that appear on of those white boards.

I am not saying we need to come up with something today friends, but let’s mull it over and have something by next Sunday.