The Days and Nights of Robierto

I have never been a big “Halloween Guy”.  May be it’s because I had a bad experience in a haunted house or may be because my entire family was murdered on Halloween when I was 10. I don't know, it's hard to be sure, but for what ever reason I have always felt a disdain for Halloween and Halloween related activities. I just can't seem to embrace the fun of of it all. Last Friday, we had an Office Halloween Party complete with a costume parade and trick-or-treating. So for the children I decided I would rise above my dislike for Halloween and give out candy to the kids that came through our office.  At first it was tedious, but as the day wore on, I really started enjoying myself as I engaged in the parade of costumes. “ Here is Iron Man” “Look it’s the weird guy from Yo-Gabba-Gabba!” “Oh look...It’s an adult belly dancer who needs to wear a more age appropriate costume next year. Good to see you...and I mean off all you.” So by the end of the ...

An interesting event happened to me last night that changed me in a deep and profound way for many minutes thereafter. Last night I was sitting alone reading a book at a Latin culture event I was attending. As I was sitting and reading my book, a beautiful woman kept looking at me from across the room. Of course I was flattered and gave her a smile back. Although, I didn’t speak her native language, I was pretty sure as to what was being communicated between us. She started walking over to me, and it was just like something out of a movie. Time seemed to stand still as her hair billowed in the cooling breeze of the air compressor I was sitting on. Her lips parted and she spoke, “ Hi my name is Carmen. I hope this isn’t awkward, and I never do this, but I was wondering if you would like to... She paused. My thoughts raced, " Like to? You would like to what? Have my number? Bear my children? Slow dance to the gentle purr of the air compressor? What?" ...

So one of my friends told me to watch this TV show called the “Walking Dead”that is about zombies attacking the world.  As I watch it I keep thinking, “ Are zombies really a viable threat? ”  Every time someone dies on the show from a zombie attack I have to do an exaggerated eye roll and say, “ Um, sweet friends that death could have been completely avoided." Here are some tips that I came up with to avoid being eaten by zombies, should the problem ever arise: 1- Shut Up and Run -Friends, it would be one thing if once if zombies developed some super human strength or could run really fast, but they can’t. Most of the time zombies are dragging a limb or other appendage behind them, so they can’t sneak up on you or run after you. So if you see a zombie, shut up and run, chances are they can’t out run you. 2- Boom Box It -So in “Walking Dead” the zombies supposedly are attracted to loud noises. So if you are living amongst zombies friends, always carry a huge ...

Friends, the holidays are rapidly approaching and as I have always said it is never too early to start stressing out about what to give for “neighbor’s gifts” this year. 9  If you are like me you don’t want to give bake goods again because let’s be honest, they end up in the trash. And last year I gave Costco muffins with the tag, “I’m getting’ “muffin” for Christmas” which was really cleaver, but it cost me like $12,000.00 to fund. Well my good friends and crafting muses, down ta' Craft-acular, Krystal and Carol, introduced me to a fun and easy craft to give your neighbors this year.  It’s a gift that is inexpensive, and a gift your neighbors will never forget, I guarantee. Behold, I bring you glad tiding of great joy in the form of…( wait for it ) …The Tampon Angel. It’s fun, it’s festive, it’s fantastic. The hard part of this craft is coming up with the note to put on it because; you know it’s a…a tampon.  What my tag is going to be this year ...

Is nothing sacred? I just saw an ad for the new the Star Wars Angry Birds, being launched in November, and I have to say unto the creators, "Woman Please!" As a youngster I reverenced Star Wars. It was as important as the Bible, the Book of Mormon, and the The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Many a parallel was drawn from my life to Star Wars, and the lessons I learned in the Star Wars universe shaped me into the amazing person that I am today. And now we are making mock of something that I consider sacred. George Lucas when is enough, enough? Stop selling your birthright for a mess of pottage, already. Am I the only one who feels that Star Wars needs to treated with a little bit more respect and not be cheapened with each passing year? I mean haven’t we suffered enough watching those terrible prequels and that Star Wars Christmas Special? ( P.S. if you haven't seen this Christmas Special, it is a must see train wreck.  To see our fearless heroes less...

So this year one of my goals has been to try to cultivate my acting ability. I have been in back to back shows all year, and although it has been a wonderful experience, I have realized some things. One of them is that theater people are very odd indeed. Show Don't Tell I have never met a group of people that love to tell you how awesome they are more than actors. I say “ tell ” but I really mean “ show ”.  For example, supposing I was talking to an actor and I asked if he could do a Scottish accent. The actor wouldn’t be content to say, “ Yes, I can do a Scottish accent ”, but they would immediately start talking to you in a Scottish accent, which is fun for a minute, but when it drags on for 15 days it gets, how do you say, old real fast .  So I have learned to never ask people their qualifications unless, I really want them to burst into song, perform a tap number, or mime something. Physical Touch I don't like people touching me, let's just be clear. I don'...