The Awkward Pick Up


An interesting event happened to me last night that changed me in a deep and profound way for many minutes thereafter.

Last night I was sitting alone reading a book at a Latin culture event I was attending.

As I was sitting and reading my book, a beautiful woman kept looking at me from across the room. Of course I was flattered and gave her a smile back. Although, I didn’t speak her native language, I was pretty sure as to what was being communicated between us.

She started walking over to me, and it was just like something out of a movie. Time seemed to stand still as her hair billowed in the cooling breeze of the air compressor I was sitting on.

Her lips parted and she spoke, “Hi my name is Carmen. I hope this isn’t awkward, and I never do this, but I was wondering if you would like to...

She paused.
My thoughts raced, "Like to? You would like to what? Have my number? Bear my children? Slow dance to the gentle purr of the air compressor? What?"

 After what seemed to be a very long and pregnant pause, she said, “I was wondering if I could set you up with my MOM?"

To which I responded, “I would love to go out with you. Wait. What? Your mom? Whaaaa?” 

Really?  Really

I just stood there in silence, and told her I would have to think about it. I think my reaction must have been a physical manifestation of the air escaping from a birthday balloon.

What the heck people? I know I may not look like a twenty year old, but I know for darn sure, I am not to a point where I look like I should be set up with someone’s mom. 

Right?
Right?  
OK,Your silence is deafening.

It doesn’t matter what you think, I am still confident in my ability to attract people of my same age group.

This whole event has made me really made me rethink what kind of a vibe I am sending out to people. Maybe wearing a cardigan and smoking a pipe is not appropriate attire for my men in my age group.

I may need to pick up a bottle of Oil of Olay and Spanx on my way home tonight.

Comments

j said…
Perhaps you should avoid quietly reading books at Latin cultural events.
Heidi said…
For little while a few years ago, people tried to set me up with their recently-returned missionary grandsons, their unattractive-with-no-sense-of-personal-space colleagues, their recently-divorced-with-five-kids brothers, or their socially-awkward-single-for-a-reason nephews. I'm anxiously awaiting the day a handsome young man wants to set me up with his widowed father...
Pickleope said…
Ha! I did not see that twist coming. Well, how old was the girl, maybe her mom had her at a young age. Maybe the mom is in her thirties. You should feel flattered. The last time I got setup was with a homeless person.
Carrot Jello said…
Oh Rob! *said in my best Laura Petrie voice*
Steve Dalton said…
I just stumbled onto your blog as I was researching what to teach in Elder's Quorum tomorrow. Now I have spent the night reading your blog instead. You are hilarious! I'm a big fan.
Jana B. said…
Rob, in regards to your post, I did not see that coming. She must have been a very mature looking 11 year old. In regards to Steve Dalton's comment above, it is awesome that people find your blog when they are doing research for their elders quorum lesson. Awesome on so many levels.

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