I have never been a big “Halloween Guy”. May be it’s because I had a bad experience in a haunted house or may be because my entire family was murdered on Halloween when I was 10. I don't know, it's hard to be sure, but for what ever reason I have always felt a disdain for Halloween and Halloween related activities. I just can't seem to embrace the fun of of it all.
Last Friday, we had an Office Halloween Party complete with a costume parade and trick-or-treating. So for the children I decided I would rise above my dislike for Halloween and give out candy to the kids that came through our office.
At first it was tedious, but as the day wore on, I really started enjoying myself as I engaged in the parade of costumes.
“Here is Iron Man”
“Look it’s the weird guy from Yo-Gabba-Gabba!”
“Oh look...It’s an adult belly dancer who needs to wear a more age appropriate costume next year. Good to see you...and I mean off all you.”
So by the end of the day I was really enjoying myself. I was hopped up on candy and I was feeling great! I felt like a regular Willy Wonka, minus the weird eccentricities, the poofy hair…and the Umpa Loompas.
Towards the end of the day, I saw a child, who appeared to be 13 or 14, with long curly hair heading my way with a Spiderman costume on. So I shouted,
“Watch out everyone here comes Spider-Woman.”
To which the child replied,
“But I am Spider-MAN.”
“Oh course you are, honey. But because you are girl we would call you Spider-WOMAN. Oh isn't she precious?” I said turning to my coworkers.
Then the mother of the child gently cupped my elbow, and in an intense whisper, said, “This is my son. He is a male. He is Spider-MAN.”
A heavy awkward silence fell over the entire office.
I dropped some candy into his bag and they promptly left.
Where upon, I handed the candy bowl to my coworker, walked into my office and turned on some Christmas music.
Halloween...I hate you. And Kid...get a hair cut.