Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Arm Rest Anxiety


So I went to view the Hobbit opening night dressed up like Gollum, wearing only a loin cloth held together with dental floss. I have to be honest it wasn't a wise choice, it being December and all.

But I took my seat and found I was sitting next to an older gentleman and his wife. As I sit down, I notice that he hadn’t pulled down the arm rest that separated our two seats. 

I am not going to lie to you. It was uncomfortable. I was sitting extremely close on essentially a love seat, with someone I didn't know. And our legs were touching…not like “touching” touching,  but the fabric of our pants was touching.

 So I sat down thinking, well knowing, that this might be an issue for me, considering I have major personal space issues. How was I to enjoy the Hobbit with the fabric our pants touching and no discernible barrier between us?

 I could deal with this…(deep breath
Who am I kidding? I couldn't deal with this.

So I started an internal dialogue. You know the kind where outwardly you pretend to look peaceful like a river, but inside you are completely freaking out

“For the love of the Shire does this man not realize how close we are sitting? Does he not realize that the arm rest separates us into our own personal little comfort plots of movie enjoyment? Is this man insane?”

So I took a deep breath and said, 
“Ya know what, Rob? The movie hasn’t started yet. I am sure once the movie starts, he is going to drop that arm rest like it’s hot.”

So I crossed my legs and just pulled myself as far left, without injury myself, as I could.

So the coming attractions started, and guess what? The arm rest was still in the upright position. 

What in the what people?

So then I started thinking, this is serious now.  I have got to take matters into my own hands.  So then I started asking questions, very important societal questions which may lead into a further study of human personal boundary issues.
 Questions like:
  1. “Is is appropriate for me to pull down the arm rest?"
  2. "Will this man hate me if I pulled down the arm rest when it is clearly his responsibility to pull it down?"
  3.  "If so, will it make the movie less enjoyable, sitting next to someone who clearly hates me for violations of unwritten armrest polices and procedures?”

So the movie started and AT THIS POINT, i WAS ABOUT TO LOSE MY MIND

So finally I got up my courage and said,
 “Hey precious, can I pull this arm rest down.”

He nodded and then went back to his conversation and box of Fiddle Faddle.

I am not goin’ lie to you; I might over think things a little…or do I? 
Do you totally hate me for asking that? 
You totally hate don’t you?

2 comments:

Pickleope said...

Hahahahahaha! You had me laughing at "dressed like Gollum." Isn't it equally your and his responsibility to pull down the arm rest as it is a shared arm rest? It was probably more your responsibility as he is an old and olds probably can't feel anything below the waist anymore and aren't clued in to social queues anyway. Now, if he took out his teeth and put them in the drink holster, then he is staking claim to that arm rest.

Bethany said...

No, I totally love. And appreciate the refresher course on arm rest policies and procedures.