The Days and Nights of Robierto

So I have a problem. I am very competitive. But not like competitive in normal things, like football or basketball, but in things that I probably shouldn't be competitive about, like chess and charades. For example I get so competitive at board games. I can't tell you how many fights broke out in our home because of the game "SORRY". You know that game where you would almost win and then your opponent could send you all the way back to the beginning. Oh the frustration this would cause. I would try to be diplomatic but in the end I usually would end up kicking the game into the wall. Well today was one of those days when that random competitive gene came bustin' out all over. This afternoon the county sponsored a Breast Cancer Awareness walk. I always like to support the county events because I serve on a healthy lifestyles committee, so I felt like I needed to go. As I arrived I realized I felt unusually out of place. First, everyone was wearing pink and I was we...

So on my way home each night I drive by a vitamin store where there is an interesting person dressed as some sort of bug. I want to say that it is a giant tick, with giant teeth and angry, angry eyes, but I cannot confirm or deny what kind of insect he is. "What does this "thing" have to do with vitamins?", I ask myself every night as I drive by. Usually the tick, as I have named him, is very energetically waving and jumping up and down trying to get people to pull in and buy some vitamins. But yesterday as I drove by he was just standing there. No waving, no jumping just sort of limp. All of a sudden my heart broke for my little tick friend. I want to believe that he was crying in his costume because after cleaning up the stock room, his boss said that it was time for him to strap on the tick costume and drum up some business. My little friend, after giving the tick marketing strategy all that he had these last few weeks realized he was not in the mood to strap on ...

Is it alarming to anyone else how many people are still smoking? I mean with all that we know about the dangers of tobacco and how it is the most preventable cause of death, you would think people would not want to light up ever. I exclude those people who are of an older generation who thought smoking was glamorous and gave you fantastic skin and hair. But the people of my generation should know better. Today two things happened while I was walking in the inner city on my lunch break that got me thinking about this. Incident #1- As I was walking someone drove by and flicked their cigarette butt out of their window. Seriously? Why is that OK? I know these are normally reasonable people who wouldn't dare to litter otherwise but what is it about a cigarette butt that changes these reasonable people into litter bugs? It makes me so mad! Buy an ash tray buddy! Incident 2- So next to my building their is a senior housing project. They have a little section outside with two lovely tole p...

Perhaps you caught Kaite Holmes-Cruise as I did on "Eli Stone" on Tuesday night. In case you missed it, check it out. Is it possible that we have underestimated Katie Holmes? Who knew she could sing like that? Now I will be the first to admit that I have never seen any thing that she has been in that has made me think she was anything spectacular. Truth be told I have only seen her in "Batman Begins" and snippets of "Dawson Creek" when my parents weren't home, so I am not an expert on her career by any stretch of the word. But with that said, man, I got to admire any one who can dance and sing like that. So, thanks Katie for giving me a little bit of a surprise on Tuesday night. And mostly thank you also for giving me a great idea for our Daybreak 13th Ward Talent Show this year. Does any one know where I can get a black leotard and a fog machine?

So friends I have to confess that I have read all four books in the Twilight series . I have retained my "man" status inspite of all the estrogen that these books seemed to ooze. I thought I would share with you my thoughts about these books because I think as a man I have some unique insights that maybe a female may not see because she is so blinded by that Edward guy. I will admit to you that I loved books 1 and 2. As a man I liked the intensity and also the dynmics of vampires and werewolves living miles from each other. I thought to myself, "Hey, This Stephanie Myers, she's alright." Then book three surfaced and I can't tell you how many times I was so angered that the whole book revolved around Bell and her inability to make a decision as to who she was going to have a committed relationship with. Seriously, Bella? Is it that hard? And must we spend 500 pages of a book going back and forth about who she likes when those 500 pages could have been used t...

So my co-worker is obsessed with the Jazz insomuch that she has a life size cut out of Karl Malone that stands next to her by her desk. It is so realistic that sometimes when I get here in the early hours of the morning I forget that Karl is just a cardboard cut out and think he is some sort of cat burglar. I get so startled sometimes I dive behind the desk and then foolishly realized that he isn't attacking but just standing there motionless. Oh, Karl, why must you scare me so? So on Friday my co-worker brought in some Jazz jerseys that she had collected over the years. We needed the Jazz paraphernalia because part of the before mentioned recruitment commercial for our office took place at a Jazz game. She handed me a jersey to try on and well ...the picture speaks for itself. I think it was a child's large. We all laughed. It was so funny. Sure I couldn't breathe but come on, what is some blacking out among friends. I strutted around the office for about 15 minutes and ...

Friends, today at the Jail we were filming a recruitment commercial for our office and they needed someone to fill in for a prisoner. So I immediately jumped at the chance to stretch my acting prowess. They were anxious to get filming so I only took two hours to get into character. Usually, I demand at least five hours but it was per diem so I let it slide. I was then whisked away to wardrobe and, wow, I don't know what prisoners are complaining about. They get to wear one of the most comfortable outfits I have ever had the pleasure of wearing. It is all loose and flowy , no sharp zippers, or unruly buttons, you just slide it over, pull it up and your done. No hassle, No fuss. I would love to work in a uniform like that. And the foot wear, oooh , talk about comfort. It felt like I was back in the 80's when I would break dance in my back yard on my sheet of cardboard. And that color, friends, you are never going to lose those shoes any where, am I right? And they are so easy t...

So the other day I went to the local library to pick up a book. It had been a long day at work so I just wanted to come to this sanctuary of quiet and relaxation to unwind. As I was there I needed to use the facilities, so I walked into the stall to do the "hula-who" . I flushed the toilet and to my horror I realized that the water wasn't swirling down the drain, as I was accustomed to it doing before. That's right, it was coming up. Friends, there is no greater fear in life then knowing that in a matter of seconds everything you just deposited in the sewer bank will quickly be refunded all over you patent leather shoes. All of a sudden I went into panic mode, reaching for the plunger. . .but nothing was there. Running to turn off the water. . . not visible. Not knowing what else to do I started reasoning with the toilet. "Please don't do this to me. I had a hard day. Not know. . .not today." That didn't seem to work and the water began to swell like...

I work in a seedy part of town but sometimes as a government worker I like to get out among the people I serve. So every afternoon I go for a walk in the neighborhoods around my building. There are moments when I walk down a street and either fear for my life or just have a good laugh at what goes on around me. I also get my nose full of some very strong odors. Such exotic smells like urine, dog poop, and ahh my favorite, rotten plums that not only smell but also stain as well. That is a killer combo. Today as I was walking I noticed a girl behind me who was dressed just like Madonna from the eighties. You know? Ratty hair, puffy skirt, and yes the black lace gloves. She even was sporting a side pony tail with a bow. That's right friends it was a spectacular piece of work. Now, I am always supportive of those who want to dress wildly. Shine on you crazy diamond, I always say. And then the swearing started. From behind me I hear son of a "boom", son of "bang", Mo...

Friends- I don't know if you have had the thrill of shooting a gun. I highly recommend it. I have never been a gun person. Growing up my dad always had guns and we would go up in the mountains and line up cans and shoot them down. I remember that I always had a healthy fear and respect for guns because my dad owned a gun that would bruise your shoulder or knock you on your can. And after all that I could never hit a target. I would try and try but I couldn't come close to hitting can or a bulls eye let alone the paper it was printed on. Guns always seemed so big and powerful and I was so small and seemed to tip over easily. I must of had a lot of fluid in my brain, I did have a large head as a child. When I graduated last year with my MPA, as a gift my father gave a 9mm hand gun. It was one of those gifts that your receive and politely say "thank you", but in the back of your mind you are thinking, "What in the sam am I going to do with a hand gun? I can barely...