The Days and Nights of Robierto

So I ran into this women the other day, she was fine, but why was she standing behind my door like that? After she pulled herself off the floor, she immediately and unnecessarily started telling me everything that was going on in her life. While I listened to an endless narration about herself; I thought “ This chick surely uses the word “ literally ” a lot. ” “ Don’t worry about my head,” She said “I literally have been hit in the head over 53 times, I’m telling ya, literally blunt force drama right across the kisser...literally 53 times. It literally feels great! Oh Robierto, How are you? It doesn’t matter, because I am literally the best I have ever been. I literally was thinking about you the other day, and I said Robierto is literally one of the best people that I know ( OK, she didn’t really say this part, but I am writing the story, so shut up ). I literally just got done with my literature class and literally it has changed my life, literally… ’ “ I don’t think th...

Does going to the mall make you feel lonely? I don’t know why but when I walk into the mall and I feel lonely. And not just lonely, but so lonely I feel the need to go sit in my car and listen to the “ Carpenters ” lonely. Why is that? I have been at the mall a lot lately trying to buy new pants to replace the ones that blew out the zipper in the “ great weight gain debacle of 2011 ”, and I have pondered this question a lot and here is what I have come up with. Reason 1 -  I lack fashion courage. Sometimes you need someone to say, “ Hey you would look good in those skinny jeans ” or “ those skinny jeans make your butt look big ”. Sometimes when I am shopping alone I don’t get that feedback, so I end up buying skinny jeans that possibly could be a little too skinny, if you know what I mean. Reason 2 -  Sometimes I am way too tight with my money. If anything is over $20.00 or not on clearance I won’t even look twice at it. Sometimes you need someone to ...

I hate buying pants. There I’ve said it. Any other article of clothing I feel pretty confident about buying…except shirts, socks, and shoes…but anything else , super confident about it. Friends, my zipper blew out of my pants yesterday.   And when I say “ blew out ” I literally mean that, it went flying out of my pants and hit someone in the face. It’s all because I have put on some weight because I have started drinking egg nog a little prematurely this year. It’s a topic I don’t want really want to talk about because it makes me depressed and drives me into the loving arms of egg nog all over again. It’s a vicious cycle. So anyway, I went to the mall yesterday hoping that I would find exactly what I was looking for, for under $20.00. Expectations a little too high? You betcha ! Can I ask a question? What is with skinny jeans, skinny dress pants, and plunging V-neck t-shirts that go to your belly button? I don’t get it. They give me stress. How can anyone be ...

OK Friends, you know I am a sucker for some good “ potty humor ”. Call it a weakness, but my brain just automatically goes there. And the last place that you would expect for my brain to find “potty humor” is at church. But friends I did. So I was sitting in Elder’s Quorum trying to be spiritual and find greater meaning in my life when the teacher asked “ What can we do to find greater meaning in our lives .” And as I sat pondering the question, the brother in front of me raised his hand and said this, “ Ya know brothers it’s the things that we do, do everyday that makes a difference. ” Where upon I thought, “ Uh huh, uh huh…what was that ?” And then he said some other things and then repeated the phrase, “ Ya know brothers it’s the things that we do, do everyday that makes a difference. ” And my neighbor and I slowly turned to look at each other to confirm if we were hearing correctly, and his giggles confirmed our good brother said “ Doo doo ” in church. And not...

So my friend Stacey came over the other night and announced she wanted to try out for Miss. Daybreak 2011. Where upon I said, "Stacey I have the best idea for your talent. I am thinking StarWars, trumpet solos, and dance." It was a beautiful marriage of creativity and innovation. Luckily someone filmed this little gem for your viewing pleasure.  

Friends, I don’t know how to put this gently, but… I HATE SALES PEOPLE. I just don’t like all that pressure when I am spending money. I like to take my time and think everything through. And sometimes I find that after a sales person gives their little schpill, I buy what they are pushing, just because I don’t want to hurt their feelings, as is evidenced by my $600.00 road bike that I have ridden five times. Sure there are some coping techniques to get around talking to sales people such as, pretending you are on an all important cell phone call, speed walking through the store so the sales people can’t catch you, or you could just pretend you are deaf. All of which have to proven to work very well for me in the past. Now I have been putting off buying a new mattress for about a year. But last week, laying in bed and realizing that my legs were sticking straight up in the air due to the dilapidation of my mattress, I figured it was time to start looking. So I went...

So recently I had an amazing experience with a group of people that I love. It was life changing and many of the people will have a lasting place in my heart. But there was one family that I got particularly close to. It was getting close to when we were all leaving, and I started experiencing some emotions and feelings that I felt needed to be shared.  So I gave them a hug and launched into what I can only phrase as “ emotional and verbal vomit ”. It just didn't stop, it just kept coming no matter how hard I tried to hold it back There was a few of “ You have changed my life ” with a little dash of “ you are the wind beneath my wings ”, followed by a shower of tears, and rocking and holding. It was quite a scene . But I felt good because I had emptied all the feelings that I had carried for so long about these wonderful people.   We then hugged and I was about ready to head to my flight, only to hear over the radio that my flight was delayed . ...