The Days and Nights of Robierto

What is it about flying that delights us so? Is it hurdling through the air at 1000 mph? Is it the bathrooms that no normal sized person can fit in to? How about the seats that never seem to recline enough to actually be comfortable? Honestly, my favorite part of the flight is the complimentary beverage and snack. I get giddy when I hear the metal cart banging into seats and unsuspecting passenger’s legs. In my mind the flight attendants are saying, “ Robierto, and all the rest of you little people , you are being such good fliers and behaving so well…we are goin’ sneak ya’ll a little treat. Don’t tell the Captain .” I turn into a five year old inside and actually have to talk myself down so my heart rate doesn't spike, “ Robierto, be cool.  Be cool. It’s free food I know,  but let’s be cool .” So I start flipping through the in-flight magazine, trying to find what my options are for my free beverage and snack. But some idiot has ripped out the pages,a...

Do you ever get too big for your britches? I live a quiet, reserved little life, but there are moments when someone gives me a little free reign and for a while I am sky high.  Then I fly too close to the sun and I crash and burn. So last week I was helping my friend with a 5k race in Brooklyn, New York. What was my job you ask? My job was to get a few runners, well let’s just say 8,000 runners, pumped up before the start of the race. Now I am a very quiet and reserved person, so the idea of getting in front of a large crowd scared me to death. But I didn't want to let my friend down so I agreed to the task. When he handed me the microphone to start my “ pumping up ” extravaganza, I felt like I was going to have explosive diarrhea, and friends that wasn't going to help anyone get pumped up. Admittedly, since I grew up in the 90’s I fell back to what I heard VJ’s say on MTV. Such things as, “ You go girl ” and “ Gurl, you are workin’ that head band .” ...

So the last couple of weeks I have been teaching at a summer camp for kids called “theater school”. Yesterday, I had an experience that may have barred me, unintentionally, from theater school “for corrupting the minds of young children. So there I was, trying to maintain my class full of 10 year old girls, as I was trying to teach the blocking for the song “Popular” from the musical Wicked. You might be asking yourself, Robierto, why is a 38 year old man teaching 10 year old girls one of the most prissy and girly songs in all of musical theater?”  Oh friend, that is a great question. A question that has made me wonder what kind of a vibe I give off, for the director to think, " Do you know who be excellent at teaching little girls how to be prissy, girly-girls? Robierto. He would be great at that!" But there I was, trying to get their attention so I could give them some notes, because they were so excited to run their scene, again. In mind I wante...

So this weekend was my 20 year high school reunion.  An event that has filled me with anxiety lo’ these past few weeks. Let me describe to you how I perceived myself in high school. I never thought I was popular enough. I had a lot of acquaintances, but very few real friends. I worried every day of my high school career about who I was going to eat lunch with. I remember feeling insecure, wondering if I was a good enough student, if I was athletic enough, if I was talented enough. In short I just never felt like I was “enough”. But after 20 years I feel a lot better about myself. I have accomplished some pretty amazing things in the last 20 years. Currently, think I have more self confidence then I have ever had in my life. So why wouldn't I want to go to my 20 high school reunion? I am freakin’ awesome! (toe touch) So on my way to the reunion I was feeling really good about my self and my decision to attend, because after all I was no longer that insecure 18 years old bo...

So over the weekend I got to volunteer at our local thrift store, called Deseret Industries. Ah, the sights, the sounds, and oh, the sweet, sweet, sweet, smells of people’s garbage. It’s a pleasure and a delight to be there. But Saturday was a special day, not because it’s the day we get ready for Sunday, but because there were some special treasures that were dropped off at the Deseret Industries that make me want to rush back and perhaps purchase them. Item Number 1- This item was dropped off by a man, who was one of those people who you imagine plays Dungeons and Dragons in his basement, has created replicas of every weapon from Lord of the Rings out of tin foil and toilet paper tubes, and still, surprisingly, has no girlfriend. Friends, how ‘bout a coffee table with swords attached.  “In case of Orc, goblin, or zombie attack, break glass.” Item Number #2- As I was unloading truckload, after truckload of donations, which is fancy name for "other peoples ...

I have a problem. My bladder is the size of a peanut. I forgot that when I went to go see Star Trek, and chugged a small fountain drink, which if you have noticed lately aren't really small at all. The new “ smalls ” at a movie theater, I swear are at least 109 oz. So there I sat nursing my “ small ” fountain drink, when all of a sudden as Kirk, Spock, and I left federation space, I felt a felt a little pressure on my bladder. But I thought, " I will be fine, this movie can’t be longer than 30 minutes. " An hour later, I was feeling so very uncomfortable, but I thought it is my duty as a member of Starfleet Command to stay with my crew and support them in their fight with the Klingons. What kind of a person would I be, if in the heat of battle I sashayed off to the little boy’s room? Two hours into the movie I was HNEOKN lOIJJKO, which is Romulan for “ hurtin’ fer certin ”. I was in so much pain that I sat in the plank position in my chair hoping to take so...

Do you ever get a text message that says, “Hey, we are having a party and we want you to come over.” They are not one of your contacts, and they didn't attach their name to the text.   So who in the world is this person? The sad thing is that I really want to attend a party, but I don’t want to text them back and say, “ Um...Who is this ?” Because I kind of feel like I should know who they are, even though I really don't. But this person obviously thinks we are friends, and that we are good enough friends that I would have them as one of my contacts. I fear by asking them who they are might hurt their feelings and may cause a retraction of an invite to their super fun party. So instead of doing something, I do nothing. Problem solved?