The Days and Nights of Robierto

In this time when we are bombarded with so many multi-faceted troubling issues that include Swine Flu, the downfall of the housing market, and above all why Wheel of Fortune is still on TV. I mean who is still watching that show? I believe as concerned citizens we need to bring to light many political problems that would be otherwise swept under the rug. Friends, with everything else that is going on in the world, have we overlooked perhaps in the urgency to fix the economy other more pressing issues that we need to deal with? Have we? One of the many advantages of working in a government facility is that I am kept abreast of all the major issues facing our fair county of Salt Lake. One issue that was brought to light to me as I was out for my morning walk was this: Lack of Public Toilets . Doesn’t that just ring true to you? I mean isn’t that an issue that has long festered in your heart and bladder? Some good citizen has littered the county building with these professional looking fl...

I love this gift that my co-worker so thoughtfully gave me for Easter. It gives me an added sense of protection in this crazy world we live in. With this chocolate cross now I can ward off vampires and diabetics. A gift that is both practical and delicious!

Here's something... So I am just minding my own business walking down the hall when this person who I only know by face comes up to me and says, “Someone needs a hug” . So I turn around thinking that the person who was in need of this special hug must be behind me somewhere. But before I knew what was happening the stranger proceeded to engulf me in a hug for possibly a whole fifteen seconds. It may have been longer it's hard to say. And I, not really knowing what to do, just surrendered by putting my hands to my side and let out a very loud sigh. Why must certain socially awkward people feel the need to give hugs to perfect strangers? The answer eludes me at the moment but it sure makes us “normals” feel so uncomfortable. I feel the same way about people who come up to me and say, “ Smile…I am not going to leave until you smile… come on gives us a smile”. So finally you smile just so they will stop this embarrassing behavior. What am I? A two year old? Inside you want to say...

Remember when you were learning about the human body in elementary school? And your teacher would make you watch that show with the guy who had an afro and wore a leotard with his internal organs on the outside. You just wanted to watch " 3-2-1 Contact " and follow up with what the Blood Hound Gang was up to, but you had to watch “Mr. Slim Goodbody”, his official name, not “ the weird androgynous man with his organs on display, who sang and danced to ridiculous music and gave us all nightmares man ”, as we referred to him. Well I was thinking about Mr. Slim Goodbody the other day and I thought maybe I judged him too harshly. Maybe he did put on a good program for children and he wasn’t as weird as I thought he was. So here is a clip I found of this unique troubadour: Oh my…What the…What? That’s even freakier now, right? I don’t know why we thought this was acceptable learning for small children. You can see his liver and rectum. His rectum people! Forgive me but with an outf...

Question : Do you want to know the danger of an IPOD? Answer : Spontaneous public singing. How many times have you had your IPOD on at the gym or grocery store and you think you are just singing in your mind where it is safe and warm, but then you realize, as people begin to stare, that you are actually singing in full voice Brittan Spears “ Oops I Did It Again ” When you catch yourself you vow it will never happen again but then once you hear the “ Cocoacobana ” you just have to let go and belt it out, not even caring who hears. But..um..the public just called…and a…they do care, and wish you would stop. So last night I went out walking in the rain with my IPOD. And as I was listening to my tunes I realized that because of the rain there probably wouldn’t be that many people out on the street. And I have a lot of open spaces with trails around me so I figured I would be pretty isolated and would be pretty safe to belt out a few of my favorite songs. So I started out singing in mild, ...

Happy Easter Friends! I hope the Easter Bunny fills your baskets full of Peeps and Reeses Easter Eggs and not a lump of coal. As my gift to you all this Easter I am providing you with two great videos. Both are funny but one is not for the faint of heart. The first one is rated “G” for just plan cuteness, the second is possibly rated “PG” due to cute violence. Watch the second video at your own risk.

Is it weird to anyone else that my local neighborhood Wal-Mart has a spa in it? I can’t get over it. Who wakes up in the morning and says, “ After I get my groceries over ta' the local Wal-Mart, I’m going get a “peddy” and get my hair all did. ” Who does that? And when I see my fellow Wal-Mart customers walking out from the back in their towels to get a massage for us all to see, again, I have to say, "forgive me but that is too much." Is it just my Wal-Mart or is this a standard feature at all Super Wal-Marts? My local Wal-Mart fills my life with so many entertaining events. If you are ever in the greater Riverton area you just might want to stop on by. Perhaps we could get a “peddy”, wax, or a massage together. Pick your poison, my treat.

Remember that time when you were a teenager and your teachers, scout leader, or adult equivalent would try to use current slang to get down to your level, so they could be "hip" and "street"? They would use words like “totally awesome man” or “that’s gnarly” like they were speaking a foreign language. Loud and proud they would speak it and then look to you with a painful awkwardness hoping they had used your brand of slang in the right context. Their use of my slang was so age inappropriate and usually had the opposite affect in regards to their desiring to be cool and accepted by teenagers. We labeled them as instigators and shunned them for trying too hard to be friends with us. They were ripe with over effort. Bless them, they did struggle so. So the other day I was over ta’ the Wal-Mart waiting to get some pictures developed at the photo lab in the back of the store. And as I was waiting to be helped by my friendly Wal-Mart photo lab associates I noticed they we...

So yesterday on one of my walks I discovered something in a back corner of the Salt Lake County building. Outside of the door it says “ Mechanical Penthouse ”. What? How do we have a penthouse in our building? We only have four floors. I tried to open the door because I know what’s going on inside that “ penthouse ”. Our maintenance staff is in there wearing their smoking jackets and reading the New Yorker magazine, laughing like Mr. Howell on Gillian’s Island. You know that laugh that only rich people do? They are all in there sitting around their full size bar where they drink and fill in their brackets during “March Madness”. And what makes me the angriest is they have scantily clad waitresses dressed like furry animals serving them drinks. Come on boys. Really? After all this time I thought our maintenance staff was out working but really they are just in there " penthouse " having a grand ol ’ time while the rest of us our bustin ’ our humps everyday. I am not sure how ...