For those who have read my blog before you know I have some issues using public toilets. If anyone talks to me, makes any sudden movements, or puts any undue pressure on me, my bowels lock up and I am forced to use a man’s version of Lamaze to get what I need to done in there.
So yesterday you can imagine my delight to walk into the bathroom and notice that I had the whole place to myself. I chose my favorite stall and sat down for a nice relaxing stay.
As soon as I sat down however, the janitor entered and started refilling all the toilet paper, and paper towel dispensers.
I was a little anxious with all his opening and shutting of the paper towel dispensers and hoisting those cheese wheel sized reams of TP into their proper place. But with the help of some deep cleansing breaths I was able to gain control without “locking up”. I just kept reminding myself that after he was done he would leave and I could go about my business.
But friends, he didn’t leave. He just stood in front of my stall waiting for me to finish so he could re-stock. I could tell he was getting impatient with me because through 1/4 inch gap in the door I could see him sighing loudly and looking at his watch.
Well, if you thought I was anxious before, now I was sweating and I could hardly even breathe. I was locking up fast folks, but I said to myself, “Why should this be. I have the right of way here, not him.” So I sat determined to win this silent standoff. I wasn’t going to budge until I had accomplished what I had set out to do, which was to …well you know.
Twenty minutes later he sighed and walked out. I stood, well sat, victorious against my opponent who didn’t know who he was up against. Who am I to get pushed around by the janitor? Women please!
So there I sat, I was relaxed and feeling good until I noticed…
“Oh crap…I don’t have any toilet paper!”