The Cutting of the Cheese

So yesterday our ward got to serve at the LDS Dairy, packing cheese

And do you know what my job was?

Wrong. I didn’t pack the cheese. I got to cut the cheese.

I cut cheese for 5 solid hours. And friends, I cut it long and I cut it hard.

The supervisor said that she had never seen anyone cut the cheese as well as I did. She said that I had a real talent in cutting the cheese.

Although, I always knew that I had some natural raw talent in cutting cheese, as I cut cheese at home on occasion, it was nice that someone else acknowledged my gift.

Sometimes, people get angry when I cut cheese around them, but why should I hid this talent under a bushel? Shouldn’t I let it shine as the primary song says?

If you are looking to have someone cut cheese at your next party or family gathering please call me.

If you have never been a 14 year old boy you may not appreciate this entry as much as you should.

In all seriousness, at the dairy they use such phrases as:
            “Who wants to volunteer to cut cheese?”
or
            “Bretheren you need to stop throwing butter at each other and get serious about cutting cheese!”

No one around me thought is was funny, probably because they are so spiritual.
But as for me and my house I almost fell over laughing whenever they said “cut the cheese”.

You would think that being 25 years old, excuse me 35 years old, no I am sorry, 36 years old,  that I would have matured past laughing at things that are so juvenile and crass.

But your still reading this so what does that say about you?

Comments

Marilyn Abney said…
MMMMMM.....mmmmmmm! Rob, you are a "cut-up". Cuttin the rug, cuttin the cheese, cuttin up about anything...you are funny. Thanks for the laugh today!
May 3, 2012 at 9:21 AM
Sara White said…
Trust me, as a mother of 4 boys and wife of a 39 year old man, I know all about cutting the cheese and the giggling that goes along with it! They never (and I mean ALL of them) will never grow tired of cutting the cheese for a good laugh.
May 3, 2012 at 1:12 PM
Jill said…
Ahh...the smell of freshly cut cheese.

I am sure it will come as no surprise to you that I laughed my head off as I read this post to Mike.
May 6, 2012 at 5:56 PM
Carrot Jello said…
I saw a t-shirt at Ross and thought of you. It was a cut tree on the ground, and it said "Who cut one?"
I admit it, I laughed.
May 22, 2012 at 6:18 PM
Peaceful Mommy Kayleen said…
I was laughing inside, long and hard, until I saw the mistaken use of "your" instead of "you're" in the last sentence. Then I cried.
June 27, 2012 at 6:04 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Great Pumpkin As An Adult

Remember when you watched, “ It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown ” as a child and you thought it was an alright cartoon, it was no Loony Tunes, but it was at least watchable. Last night I had an occasion to watch “ It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown ” and as an adult, I have some strong concerns about these kids in the Peanuts cartoons. What is with Charlie Brown? I don’t know if anyone followed his life after his little stint with the “Peanuts” gang, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he killed himself around the age of 14. Everyone picks on him, he can’t even make a good ghost costume, and when everyone else gets buckets of candy whalst out trick-or-treating, his friendly neighbors give him Rocks. Rocks? Really? Is that how we treat a child with low self-esteem, by giving him rocks instead of candy? If I was Charlie Brown, I would have come back in the night and returned all those rocks through their windows. And what is with this Lucy? She’s a JERK, with a capital “J”,...
Read more

The Brady's Brick Square

Image
Do you ever watch “The Brady Bunch” after work? And after watching the jam cook off with Alice and Mrs. Brady, you are troubled with the square brink opening in the kitchen, next to the double ovens. What is that thing? I feel like I have watched every episode and never at anytime has that hollow brink square been addressed. And as an avid watcher I feel like I need answers Mike Brady. You are the one who designed this house, so spill it! What is that thing? Is it some sort of “dumb waiter”? And if so why haven’t the Brady children been using that to get to the bedrooms instead of climbing all those pesky stairs? Especially “older Greg” because his bedroom is all the way up in the attic and he could use a lift. I can’t even enjoy a complete episode anymore because I am so fixated on trying to figure out what that thing is. Can anyone help me out on this?
Read more

The Elder's Quorum Lesson

So one of the things I dread in life is teaching Elder’s Quorum at church. I love to teach Sunday School and could do that all day every day, but those Elders are a tough crowd to teach to. It seems to me, and I could be wrong, that the guys just give up once they get to Elders Quorum. They don’t want to answer any questions, or volunteer to read. They just want to sit there for an hour until church gets out. So here was me yesterday teaching, “OK Friends, so who can tell me what Charity is?” (The distant sound of crickets chirping) Now, I am not afraid of silence and I am a believer in letting people ponder the question before they respond, but after ten minutes of very loud silence it’s time for someone to say “uncle”. It’s like a silent competition to see who will cave first. Will the teacher answer his own question or will the elders finally have the courage to speak up? It’s hard to say who ultimately wins this battle in the end Yesterday, it seemed that I had to answer the majori...
Read more

The Wonder Women Transportation Problem

Image
So last night I couldn’t fall asleep, and for whatever reason my mind went back to the Justice League cartoon I used to watch as child. Remember? You had Superman , Batman , Aquaman , Wonder Women and those annoying Wonder Twins with their monkey (I don’t remember what their function was because they had useless powers and really cause more problems than they fixed) and they would try to defend the Earth from crazy villains. It was a veritable Dream Team of Supers . Every “ Super ” had a cool means of transportation. Superman could fly, Batman had the Batmobile, Aquaman rode on dolphins, and Wonder Women had… an invisible jet. You heard me right friends, an invisible jet. Now the invisible jet would be cool if once Wonder Women was in her jet she would also become invisible, much like the invisibility clock from Harry Potter. That would make sense to me. But she isn’t invisible friends; Wonder Women is clearly visible in the seated position. Which is a really weird position to...
Read more

The Toilet Paper Decision

Is the hardest part of your grocery shopping experience deciding what toilet paper to buy? Yesterday, I ran into the store just to buy toilet paper, and it took me 20 minutes to come to any sort of a conclusion as to which toilet paper would work best for my personal needs. At first, I went for the strongest and softest, the perfect comination of velvet and steel, Ultra Charmin. It almost make s you wish you had the “runs”. However, as many of you know, for whatever reason, a 4-pack of Ultra Charmin, the Mercedes-Benz of toilet paper, now can cost upwards of $5.00. Let’s be honest, why are they trying to gouge us on toilet paper? It’s nothing; it would be something if it was made out of cotton, or an exotic flower. But when you get right down to it, toilet paper is a bunch of lint stuck together on a roll. And they want $5.00 for this thing? I stood there justifying this eleborate purchase by saying, “ You work so hard Rob. You deserve to be pampered at least once a day… or...
Read more

The Revelation of Others

I love when people get revelation for me. It saves me so much time in the hunt for a spouse. I mean, why would I receive revelation for my own affairs when there are a whole army of people intercepting them for me. One day at church, a sweet sister approached me with something very important to say. How do I know it was important? Because, she cupped my elbow with her hand and gently whispered in my ear, " I need to talk to you about something very important. Can I meet with you after church? " Thinking it had something to do with my calling or perhaps an assignment that needed to be filled, I politely agreed to meet her in the chapel after church. During Sunday School I kept thinking that perhaps she had contracted some terrible disease and needed a blessing or perhaps she was having some doubts about her testimony and was needing my help to get her back on track. After the block, I entered the chapel to see her sitting quietly with a very pious look on her face. As ...
Read more