The Days and Nights of Robierto

Oh, Michael I hardly knew ye. I have to send out my regards to the man, the king of pop, Mr. Michael Jackson. On my drive into work today every channel was playing his music and I forgot how many great songs he produced. Love him or hate him, you have to admit the man put out some stellar tunes. When Mike made a new video it wasn’t that you just saw it in passing, it was an event that you stopped everything for and watched and sometimes re-enacted in the privacy of your bedroom. ( Don’t act like you didn’t. You all grabbed yourself and let out a crazy “ooooh”. There is no shame in it, just embrace it.) I still remember where I was the first time I saw Thriller, Billy Jean, Bad, Smooth Criminal and Do You Remember the Time. You just don’t forget great music moments like that. We all knew he was a freak but what an entertainer. I always said if MJ ever came to Utah, I would pay whatever it cost to go see that performance. Shine on you crazy diamond! May your pelvis always be thrusting, m...

Oh friends I have such news! After many years of running I finally placed in my division. That’s right, first place in my age division! Well, ok, sure there were only two people running in my age division…nevertheless, it is still an effort and should be rewarded. So after the race, I waited anxiously for the city of Bluffdale to call my name so I could accept my award. Surely, they must give out trophies the size of small children, or at least a Geo Prizm to the winners of the 5K. While I waited for them to call out my name, I started going over my acceptance speech in my head, “ Thank you so much, all of you. I wanted to thank some very special people, who made all this possible. I would like to thank my track coach who stood by me even during the steroid scandal of ’93. Thanks to my dad who encouraged me to pull on some tenni runners and those embarrassing running shorts with the flap on the side and get out there and run. And to all you children who never thought they could win in ...

Remember in the 80’s when the Fanny Pack burst on the scene? It seemed to be the answer to so many of our problems, including bringing needed peace after the “cola wars” had turned violent in the streets of LA. In the eighties things were so much bigger, weren’t they, so it really was a necessity to have a Fanny Pack. Phones were the size of brinks, walkmans were the size of a hard back book, and we all had to have two or three neon shirts on our person at all times just in case one got ruined or your best friend was wearing the same color as you ( which happened all to often to this neon loving fool. ) But now in this day and age when everything is so small and sleek shouldn’t we be able to hold it all in our pockets or European carry all? Really no one should be wearing a Fanny Pack at all any more. Right? I bring this up because in the last hour, as I took a break, I saw two employees of the County, that’s right; count them, two employees wearing Fanny Packs. Now friends, I am not ...

So here is something, it is more of social question more than anything. It has happened to me around five times and I am not sure how to handle it. So a couple of weeks ago I was stopped at a stop light with my windows rolled down enjoying some sweet music and spring air. When next to me I heard, “ Hey Rob, how’s it going ?” It was one of my friends from high school who I hadn’t seen for a while. So we caught up briefly until the light had turned green and then I said, “ Well it was so nice seeing you. Good luck with everything, we’ll talk to you later .” When I said, “ We’ll talk to you later ”, I didn’t realize it would be within the next minute. As I drove off thinking our little conversation/reunion was over, I found that as I stopped at the next light my high school friend was right next to me again. So what do you do? A -Do you continue with your conversation even though you pretty much closed it at the previous light? B -Do you just act like you don’t notice that he is there an...

So there is a couple of shows on TV I think are just ridiculous and insulting to the human experience, and more than likely these shows will be a large part of sending us all to hell. But if there is one show that I hate more than any of the others it is The Bachelor/Bachelorette. I find it degrading, base, and if I may say, very sexist. So I was watching the Bachelorette last night and actually found it very enlightening in regards to my own singleness-ship. By watching sweet Gilian, I realized some things I could do that would help me find my potential spouse or… just go out on a date ( Let’s not get ahead of ourselves people. Baby steps friends…baby steps.) The first thing that I noticed from watching the Batchelorette is when courting someone try to live in a mansion, have a killer hair and makeup team to make you look nice even at 6:00 in the morning, and have someone pick out some awesome outfits that accentuate your assets. And have them do it for you for free. ( I think my m...

I got my mom a Slanket for retirement and was again reminded what an amazing product this is. The Slanket really is perfect for any occasion. A quiet night in with your favorite book. A night with your friends hanging out on your couch wearing crazy hats and wigs. Yes, I mean all your friends. I have always said that nothing spells “fun”, more than friends, and I mean everyone of your friends, lumped on your couch in slankets doing... OK I am not sure what these crazies are doing...in fact their freaking me out . Avert you gaze! One thing about the slanket that most people don’t know is that it also doubles as formal wear. Yes ladies it’s true. Cinch that slanket with a belt and instantly you are ready for a dinner with friends or dancing around town, the slanket can adjust to your changing social needs. Pick one up today!

So here is something funny… I went over to my local Target to pick up a power tool, which I am oft to do on a Saturday afternoon. As I was in the power tool aisle testing various power drills and seeing how manly I looked with them in my hand, something very bizarre happened that changed me in a deep and profound way. Just like out a horror movie I caught something out of the corner of my eye. A strange streak “ whooshed ” by. It was too fast to be human so my heart began to race. So I grabbed a double barreled power drill and a nail gun, for good measure, and headed toward the end of the aisle to investigate. As I peaked my head around the corner, behind me, at the other end of the aisle the same mysterious something “ whooshed ” past again. Well, if you thought I was perplexed before, now I was beside myself. What was this thing with unnatural speed and strange pink markings? Suddenly and without warning, from behind me, I heard the unmistakable sound of a chime. Not just any chime m...