The Job Search

Friends, in this time of economic hardship, where people of my age group are out looking for employment, I would like to share with you some observations/helpful suggestions to landing a job. Since the majority of my time at work is spent looking over applications and doing interviews, I feel I have much to offer in this area… oh, and you’re welcome.

Helpful Hint #1-
For all my Gen X-er friends out there who think it is so “awesome” to have your favorite music playing when I am waiting for you to pick up your phone, let me just clue you in on a little something. Unless the music on your phone is classical music or possibly a good John Denver ballad, take it off ASAP.

I can’t tell you how many times I have sat waiting for someone to pick up their phone while their favorite Mega Death/Slayer mix is blaring in my ear. Friends, it makes me not want to hire you.

Helpful Hint #2-
Never have one of those phone messages that goes a little something like this, “Hello…(and then I start into my conversation, which goes on until I hear…) Oh, sorry I am not home. Leave me a message….”

It makes me feel stupid. I don’t like it. It makes me not want to hire you.

Helpful Hint #3-
When I ask for your email on your application and you put your handle as, Copkiller@yahoo.com, Bigpimpin@gmail.com, and my personal favorite, footlong****@msn.com it doesn’t look good. And worse than that friend, it makes me blush, in so much, that I don’t want to hire you.

Helpful Hint #4-
When I bring you in for your interview, and I ask you why you think you would be qualified for this position in law enforcement, and you say, “Well I just got out of a regional treatment center and know the inner workings of a lockdown facility.”, I have to pause…because I don’t even know how to respond to your answer. Sure it makes me want to cry, but sweet friend, it makes me not want to hire you.

It is a tough market out there, and I want to hire my Gen X friends.
So using terminology that they will understand, “Pull your heads out, and stop being such tools!”

FYI, all these experiences are too real I am afraid.

Comments

Heidi said…
I have no doubt that all these things are real. When I signed onto Gmail, I made sure to get a professional email address as well as my friendly email address. Guess which one is on my resume (theatre and business)? Not my nickname, that's for sure! If I'm looking at applications/resumes, I automatically dismiss those who can't manage to have a professional email address.

Also, if you're going to have a public Facebook profile (I'm unsearchable and not friends with anyone at work right now), get rid of the skanky pictures and stupid blog links just in case someone decides to look you up there.

Bless you a thousand times for posting this!
Trevor said…
Rob, I literally just erupted into a bronchitic coughing fit on your account. I've not been to your blog before, but since I'm up late, spending time with an old friend (Mr. Upper Respiratory Infection), I thought I'd check it out. I was glad to find it lived up to the hype. I'll be a frequent visitor in the future.
Megs said…
Personally I think you are being hard on them. Lower your standards, clearly they have! It was a joy to read this while eating my breakfast. Very funny!
ShEiLa said…
These experiences are real huh...
and thus the saying sad but true.

Yikes!

I hate listening to music while waiting for someone to answer... and I don't like 'fake you out messages' on voicemail/machines either.

ToOdLeS.
Carrot Jello said…
Sorry about #2. I thought it'd be funny. I never thought that you wouldn't want to hire me.
Does it help that I really love John Denver?

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