Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Stage Fright

So I just went to the restroom and to my surprise there was no one in there. I love having my pick of the urinals and being solo in there. There is no greater feeling than having the bathroom to yourself.

We have a total of four urinals in our spacious bathroom. So I pick my favorite spot, right next to the wall. I pick the wall because I feel that it allows for a greater sense of privacy and security.

So as I am "doing my business" someone walks in and comes to use the urinal right next to me. "Dude, there are three other urinals waiting to be used, why stand right next to me? Get thee hence." We did have a nice partition separating us but even with that we are shoulder to shoulder people, literally. It was a little tight but I thought this is going to be OK I am still focused, we have a job to do here so let's just getter' done. . . and then he started talking.

Now, his conversation wasn't just a, "hey what's up" or "how ya doing", he started in on a whole conversation about work and his job responsibilities, his thanksgiving plans, and asking how I was enjoying my own job. I tried to keep my answers brief hoping he would get a clue, but no, he continued talking.

So I was done before him but he kept talking while he was doing his thing. And so after I washed my hands I felt confused about the protocol in this situation. Should I just leave while he was talking or should I stall and wait until he finishes talking? So finally, after what seemed to be a thirty minute communique, while their was a pause I just wished him a good day and ran out.

After today's experiment in awkwardness, I feel like we need to set up some guidelines or rules, if you will, to be posted on bathrooms universally.

Rule 1-You should never sit or stand next to anyone who is going the bathroom if there is another stall or urinal available. If there is a buffer toilet then by all means take it. Even if it is a child's toilet or handicapped stall, jump on it! This is a critical time and people don't want to feel crowded. We all need a little more space in there. Please oblige us.

Rule 2-Never, ever start a conversation with the person next to you once you start doing your business. If you are mid-conversation on your way in or a conversation starts up while washing your hands, fantastic. But let's be serious, your mind and thoughts should be on the task at hand and not on the weather or your plans for the weekend.

I am sorry to send buckshot into such a wide and diverse audience but I don't know how to get word out otherwise. I know that the majority of you are good people who are not "stall crowders" or "toilet time talkers", so please just spread the word.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


Today I am grateful for good co-workers. I work in a very diverse environment and I have learned to love my co-workers very much. We work well as a team and received an award this year for our contributions to the Sheriff's Office. And even though we all have very different beliefs about life, religion, and politics we all still have mutual respect for each other and love to torment each other. We call each other brother and sister and we call our boss our mom. If I can't find one of them I just ask my co-worker, "Hey where is your sister/brother?"

However, just as in all families your siblings can be little stinkers as well. For example, during the week of the BYU and Utah game I was out sick and they thought it would be a fun game to do some redecorating while I was away. Here is my angry face.

Those crazy kids. They are incorrigible.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Giving Thanks

This week I am just sa' thankful. I feel like I need to express that and maybe give back to all the I have taken this year. So all my blogging this week will be dedicated to all things that make be weep for gratitude. I am grateful for the following things in no particular order:

Friends- I have been so blessed with such great friends. I know full well that I am not the best friend in the world. I don't call, due to my fear of phones, and I am not really sure how to reciprocate in a friendship. But with all my faults my friends are so good to me. And sometimes talking with them I say to myself, wow I am friends with some pretty amazing people who have done some pretty amazing things. How did I get so lucky? Thank you my good friends.

FACEBOOK- On the topic of friends, this year I am grateful for Facebook. I thought I had lost contact with many of my friends from middle school,high school and Ricks College. But because of Facebook I have found some long lost friends that I thought were lost forever. I don't look at Facebook everyday but it is just nice to know that if I wanted to contact on of my over 200 friends, I could.

Daybreak- I just moved out to a little development called Daybreak which looks just like a movie set. I openly admit that Daybreak is almost too perfect with perfect homes lawns and people. But my favorite thing about Daybreak is the great places to walk. I love to get on a path and walk around the lake, or go to the edge of Daybreak and look across the the valley to look at the east mountains. It is amazing looking at the moutains from the west side. It is so beautiful.

More to come....

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Reverse Trike

So every day when I leave work there is this guy who pulls out of the parking structure wearing all this hard core biking gear. He has his leather chaps, his thick soled boots, and his leather jacket with the skull on the back. He looks like he could kill you with one look.

And then he comes pulling out on this little gem. And every time I see him I have to laugh because . . .what is that thing.
I mean if you are going to look like a mean biker then buy a hog already and lets be done with it. But if you are going to be scared to buy a real motorcycle than just be content to call it what it is, a safer, environmentally friendly, motor trike. And don't try to fool us by wearing that biker gear. Just put on your Birkenstocks, and paint flowers on your cheek and truly embrace your pansiness.

While I am on the topic of silly modes of transportation...Have you ever been on a running trail minding your own business and someone comes behind you ringing their bicycle bell going like 3 miles an hour on one of these beauties?

Maybe, like me, you are curious as to why they are dressed in full on spandex tops, biking shoes, aerodynamic helmets, gloves, and, yes, Lycra biker shorts with the cushion in the crotch. Why do they need that cushion on their crotch when they are reclined for the entire ride? Is that odd to anyone else?

I could see if they were wearing that gear in a vigorous bike race and trying to beat a land speed record but they never top 5 miles an hour. Who are they kidding wearing all this speed gear when they are going just for a nice gingerly bike ride?

I don't know why people feel like they have to dress hard core when their not, and they have no intention of becoming so. I feel like I need to pull them aside and say, "OK Friends, here's the poop. You can't wear this gear unless you are seriously going to push the 5 mile an hour mark. OK."

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


So last night I didn't sleep very well. Could it have been the protein shake that I had last night around 7:00, or maybe running to FHE in the cold without a jacket that caused my to freeze. It is hard to say, all I know is that I woke up with a sore throat and feeling like everything was out of focus. Like I was viewing everything through a thick pea soup.

You know that feeling? Where you are not down in bed sick but are more bugged by the potential of an illness. And if you are really quiet you can actually hear your body fighting off infection.

How could this happen I have been taking Xango juice for the last three days. Isn't that the cure all for any ailment? Mr. Xavier Xango please explain how I got sick with all those fruit pieces and bitter juice in my system. I even took it with a vitamin for good measure.

My neck hurts and I feel that my eyes are swollen like overstuffed peppers. I can't wait to go home so I can crank the heater, get in my overstuffed down coat and fall asleep on my ottoman.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Hangin' Tough, NKOTB Style

So one of my friends invited me to attend NKOTB and I thought to my self that is some good blogging material waiting to happen. And friends, my eyes were opened to a world a never knew existed, the world of 30-33 year old New Kid's fan. They are crazy! I had to put in ear plugs because their screaming got to be too much. The funny thing is that all the people there were my same age because the New Kids were popular for only a couple of years. So either you knew who they were or you didn't.

I have chronicled some of my favorite pictures:
This picture is pretty dark but if you will notice what she has in her hand. It is a naked Jordan Knight barbie of some sort. She proceeded to hold him around the waist the entire evening. You have to admire the stamina of that sweet sister.

These sweet girls are my favorite. You will notice that they are also carrying fulling clothed NKOTB dolls, the shirts they bought in the sixth grade, and yes you are seeing correctly they have books with them about each member of the band. I don't know if they were novels but it seemed like there was one in there that I saw that appeared to be a murder mystery with a young Joey Mac as a teenage sleuth. Intriguing.

I have to say that I didn't know a lot of the songs that they performed but one of their last songs was "The Right Stuff". I rose to my feet and immediately all the words came back to me. They even did the side to side dance that I memorized from their video. I was in rare form. I tried to picture the move for your viewing pleasure.

Isn't amazing how music can transport you to a whole different time and place. As I listened to NKOTB I was transported back to my middle school where we lined up in huge lines and just toe touched side to side to their music. And you were considered a good dancer if you snapped with your side step, because you know that took a lot of coordination. Where the slow dances was full arms length apart, with the boys hands on the shoulder and girls hands on the hips. Ah good times.

New Kids on the Block's music took me back to that time of innocence where life was so good even though I felt so awkward the majority of the time. And even on those days when I felt so gawky and awkward I could put on "The New Kids", stand in front of my mirror, and do the the side hop pendulum move right along with them(I hope you all know what I am talking about, if not look up one of their video and it will become very clear what I am talking about) and for that moment I felt like I was pretty tough stuff. I may not have been the most popular or athletic kid in middle school, but at least I was cool enough to "Hang Tough" like the "New Kids".

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Nervous Laughter

Do you ever start laughing at inappropriate times? Sometimes I get nervous laughter when I shouldn't be laughing. And it isn't a few sputtering laughs mind you but deep belly laughs that have to be stifled under the guise of coughing, or tourettes syndrome.

I have been known to laugh at funeral viewings, hospital visits, and my ultimate weakness is bad musical numbers. This week musical numbers have proven to be my nervous laughter kryptonite.

I was volunteering at this $100.00 a plate charity event enjoying my steak and chicken when they announced a special musical number. I was caught off guard and knew I was in trouble. The singer started with a story and then the music started behind her and then she flowed right into her song. Now, let me tell you this as friends, if I don't look at the person I can usually put my head down and act like I am pondering the powerful lyrics of the song by occasionally nodding and touching my face. Unfortunately for me, if any one looks at me or attempts to talk to me, during the music, I shatter with laughter. So my friend, who is sitting next to me and didn't know how weak I was, leans over and attempts to comment on the music, and I just bust. I am covering my mouth and shaking violently and have to excuse myself to go sit in the hall to contain myself.

Then, I finally think that I have it contained, but as soon as I walk in the room and make eye contact with my friend I bust again and have to fake a cell phone call to exit the room again.

After the initial humor of the situation I always feel so bad for doing that. I have sung in front of people and would be devastated if I looked out and saw someone laughing while I was singing. How can I stop doing this? Is there something that can ebb the pain and embarrassment I am causing these powerful singers who feel it is appropriate to talk with music playing underneath? I am begging you all for help.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Church Products

So yesterday at church I was watching the speaker start crying and as she reached down to grab a tissue I notice something funny. The tissues were called "Heavenly Soft" tissue. No joke.

And then I went to choir and we were singing out of a book called "Hymnplicity". Interesting.

The day was complete when I looked over at the Relief Society President's pumps and etched on the side was "Easy Spirit". What kind of message is that sweet sister.

Forgive me but that is just too much.

Thursday, November 6, 2008


What is it about a musical? I must confess that I do enjoy a good musical. Last night I went to see my cousin, Debra, in "Into the Woods" at the HCT. She was great and was the perfect Cinderella.

As I watched I noticed an interesting thing about myself. I am not content to just watch and enjoy. I feel like I need to immerse myself in the play. In my mind I was singing the songs and doing the dialogue with the actors. Secretly wishing one of them would become violently ill or twist their ankle. The director would come into the audience and say, "Friends we have an emergency. Is there an actor in the audience? I say, is there an actor who can jump on stage and fill in for (fill in the blank of the character)?" I would nonchalantly rise and jump in and save the production. I would be discovered by the producer of Feature Films for Families and be in the next "Liken" video. Ah, if only . ..

I was on a date last night so I couldn't do this next part, but after a musical I have been known to spontaneously burst into song. . .and dance, but only after certain musicals(Singing in the Rain, and West Side Story). I usually sing all the way home in full voice, sometimes throwing in some hand actions or jazz hands as it were. It is not at all safe to drive that way but doggone it, I can
hardly contain myself.

I think most people see me as very controlled and very even tempered. I try to act that way most of the time so I don't draw attention to myself. But when I see a musical, that "in control" person melts away and all my inhibitions come down and I feel so liberated that I could just sing and dance the rest of the night. Then I wake up the next day a realize that maybe I went a little overboard when I hitched kicked off that man's bumper and landed in the splits. Then I vow to be in control and not let that side of me show. . .well at least not until the next musical.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Daylight Savings. Must we?

It being an election year I am thinking that next year we proposition to stop moving our clocks forward and back. My body is freaking out. From someone who has a hard time sleeping any way this makes it all the more difficult.

Everyone tells me that we get an extra hour of sleep but really that only works for the first Sunday and then after that your body thinks you are staying up later and so that makes you more tired.

I also hate coming out of work when it is dark. I just am not as productive after work. I all I wan't to do is go home and sleep.

On a more positive note, it is snowing today. Not a light, pithy snow, but big flakes. The kind of snow you can sit on your couch and watch for hours. It reflecting off the lights outside and gliding to the ground. It makes me want to make crafts out of macaroni with the heater blasting.

Actually that is what I am doing right now. I am under my desk, shoes kicked off, sipping some hot chocolate with marshmellows, wrapped in my down coat. My boss keeps walking in looking for me so I invited her down to watch the snow with me. She said that she would be back in a minute with a warning. I am thinking that she means a warning for loving the snow too much. But if loving snow is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Christmas Music Continued

So I turned on my radio this morning and guess what, apparently FM 100 is now playing Christmas music non-stop. The world has turned upside down.

So it being an election year I wanted my voice to be heard so I emailed the radio station to find out what the sam is going on.

Here is how it went down:

Good Kozy-

I really have enjoyed your station and your different variety of music
that your play.
I was wondering what is up with the Chritmas music in Novemeber? I can
understand after Thanksgiving hearing Christmas music but it seems too
I am just curious as to why so early?

Hey Rob,

I appreciate your note about the Christmas Music.We know it seems
early but listener input has been overwhelmingly in favor of starting
now.Partly because it's been a tough year for a lot of people.They
may "need a little Christmas, right this very minute."I hope that
when you are ready for some Christmas music, you'll give us a try.

We wish you and your family a wonderful holiday season.Thanks for the
time you've spent listening to KOSY.

Jeff Cochran
Program Director
KOSY 106.5

Whoever is giving imput that they "need a little Christmas right this very minute" needs to check themselves. Ya know friends sometimes we don't get what we want even in tough times. That is what old Halloween candy, and Red Bull are for. To tide us over until Christmas comes.

So people toughen up, pour yourself a Red Bull, wrap yourself in a blanket, and gorge yourself on Halloween until Thanksgiving is over and then it will ok to listen to your precious Christmas music. But until then, suck it up and stop your crying!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Christmas In November

So I was driving the day after Halloween and I decided to turn on the radio and listen to some tunes. My radio was tuned to KOSY 106.5, a radio station that I love for it's easy listening and light rock favorites. To my shock they were playing "All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey. I thought it was a mistake so I kept listening to see what they played next. Mariah was followed by "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer". During the break they said that they will be playing Christmas music from November 1 until the end of December. What? Does that seem a bit premature to any one else?

I like Christmas music very much but in the right time and place. I feel like poor Thanksgiving gets passed over when we just go right from Halloween to Christmas. And plus, we all need some transition time from the celebration of evil and the dead to Christmas where we celebrate peace and good will to men, right? I mean it takes me at least a month to wash off my "goth" eye make up and let go of "The Monster Mash".

How can we be so callous as to forget our sweet pilgrim ancestors who came across the ocean on the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria? And what about the Indians who brought food to our poor pilgrim friends to distract them while Pocahontas and John Smith went to make out at the old willow tree. These are things that are apart of me in a very profound way, and I for one, feel it is important to teach these things to our children. Because just as Whitney Houston has said, I believe that children are our future.

So KOSY 106.5, can we hold off on the Christmas music until November 28, please? If not for me, then for the children.