Thursday, March 5, 2009

Wonderful, Wonderful, Day


Man, I had such a fantastic day yesterday? I got everything done at work in record time and even had time on my lunch break to go feed the homeless. I got home and ran four miles under 45 minutes in my new aerodynamic running tights. Then without even changing, I jumped in my car and shot over to the local Wal-mart to purchase ingredients for a healthy meal of turkey burgers. And then to top it all off, I got all my groceries for under $40.00. Nice.

I was on the top of my game friends and nothing was slowing me down. Just like the theme song from "Karate Kid” says, I was the best around, nothings ever gonna keep me down.

So as the sliding glass doors at the Wal-mart opened, a blast of warm spring air greeted me with a whip of my hair. And for a moment I feel like doing something that would physically express my carefree-ness to all those in the Wal-mart parking lot.

Toyota jump? Not very expressive.

Mary Tyler Moore hat throw? No. Not wearing a hat, and the hat would probably land on the roof and then that would look weird, me looking up into space waiting for the hat to fall.

I know. I will get a running start and jump on the back of my shopping cart and then cock one leg up into a perfect 90 degree angle. What spells carefree-ness than riding a shopping cart? Nothing, I say!

So I got a pretty good running start and then jumped on my shopping cart and starting riding through the parking lot heading to my car. I could feel the many stares from my fellow Wal-mart shoppers, wishing they were as joyful as I was.

My joy was cut short however; as I failed to calculate that a 200 lbs man with his full weight on one end of a shopping cart and 20 lbs of groceries on the other doesn’t make for a balanced ride. I am not a physical scientist friends (even though I play one on TV), but I know enough to tell you that shopping cart was flipping backwards and I was going down with it.

Fearing for my own life ahead of my groceries I released the cart and feel to my knees on the asphalt. How embarrassing was that? I did some self talk to calm myself, “OK Rob you are still a fine person only 15 people saw that. You are gonna be OK”.

Meanwhile, as I let go of my cart some how I must have given it a little push forward because it picked up speed in a hurry and was on marked course right to the side of my car. And “bam” right into my car causing another 15 people to look towards what was going on in their normally quiet Wal-mart parking lot.

With a smile I jumped up and said, “Wal-mart friends I am OK. Let’s never speak of this again.” Most of them had already turned away in embarrassment for me, but I think we are still friends, it’s hard to say.

5 comments:

kmb said...

Mitch ALWAYS sings that Karate Kid song! Sorry about your WalMart fiasco. I really wish I could have witnessed it though...

Heidi said...

Bless. Your. HEART.

Your life is a sitcom. Do you know this? A good sitcom.

Anonymous said...

Hess your blart! Rob, did I teach you to be so presumptuous and high on life to the point of embarassment to yourself. Honey, you are still alright in my eyes. Ride on!

BUT, how are the knees...bleeding, sore, stiff,....poor, poor knees. They really had a workout yesterday. Wear knee pads next time you ride the carts. OK?

Please take a minute and pat yourself on the back for being such a good sport, and having a love for life and living.

Thanks for the laugh. I needed that today! Love, M.

Megann Wilkerson said...

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! I am laughing so hard right now at the visual image going through my head. Perhaps we should focus on more appropriate ways to express our happiness. Love your guts!!!

Carrot Jello said...

Oh, the shame!