Gym Rats Beware

Do you ever go to the gym feeling like this is going to be the day that you rock your workout? You are so mentally prepared to push yourself to the absolute limit that nothing can stand in your way.

That is how I felt yesterday as I headed to the Daybreak Community Center. Admittedly, I don’t know the "ins" and "outs" of weight lifting or how to work most of the equipment that work your various muscles. However, yesterday I was going to throw caution to the wind and just push the gym rats and the flinty girls in leotards aside, and take my place in front of the mirrors with the serious weight lifters.

So I strutted into the weight area with my arms curved, so it looked like I was sporting some serious muscle on my “guns”.(That is gym talk for “arms”, for those who are gym-illiterate). I found that if you swivel your upper body as you walk, it makes you look really tough. (Hint: If you wear really tight spandex shorts and a really bulky hoody it makes your upper body look huge. I have always said, you can never go wrong in tight spandex shorts, the femininas love it.)

So I climbed on this machine and acted like I totally knew how it was supposed to work. In reality I was freaking out because I didn’t have the first clue. But I just played it cool like I had worked out on this machine a hundred times and it was not even a problem.

So I started pulling the little knobs and adjusting my seat, and finally seated myself and started pulling on the hand holds, but I noticed it seemed really difficult. “Could I really be this weak?” I asked myself. "Not possible." I responded.

So when no one was looking, I set it to the lowest possible weight and again tried to lift, I still was unable to budge it at all. “This machine must be broken,” I told the person next to me, “because usually I can lift a hundred pounds right over my head, just for my warm up”. I laughed nervously as he began to inch away.

So as a faux display of toughness and to save myself from embarrassment, I just kicked the machine and went to get a drink, to pull myself together.

As I returned, I noticed this little elderly woman on the machine that I was on perviously. She was in the zone. Just smiling and lifting with such ease and contentment. How was she able to work that machine when I had so many problems?

As I looked at her positioning on the machine I realized I had missed an important part. I had been sitting on the machine backwards. HA,Ha,ha. . .blah.

Lesson learned, friends, lesson learned.

After that embarrassing episode, it was time to leave the gym and return home to something I was a little bit more comfortable with, “Sweatin’ to the Oldies”.

I love doing "Sweatin' to the Oldies" because there isn’t any equipment involved, and you always feel good about yourself as you see a grown man with big hair, sparkly outfits, and super short shorts trying to lead you in a simple “Grape Vine”. Man,you gotta love that grape vine.

“Thanks, Richard, for keeping it real, and making me feel like I am doing all right for myself inspite of my inability to sit properly on excercise equipment.”


Erin said…
There is nothing worse than not knowing how to work the work-out equipment. I dare say I've mis-used many a weight machine without knowing it. It leads me to believe that I've been laughed at - mucho!

I agree, just go home and do some Richard Simmons. He can always make one feel good about ones self.
this really made me laugh. i have my same routine at the gym because i'm nervous to venture out and try something new for fear i might use the equipment wrong - like sit on it backwards! love the blog stories. keep 'em coming.
Bart said…
Rob, I'll have you know that when a woman is preparing to give birth, they encourage the man to bring in funny stories to tell to the woman between contractions, to take her mind off the pain and put her in a better place.

What will I be bringing? Yep, Beto and Lisa will have an unusual bond after this is all over. I hope you're OK with that. Amen.

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