The Karaoke Beast

I believe that as part of our need to eat, sleep, love, and procreate, there is a need we all have to sing. When I say sing, I don’t just mean singing a nice little ballad, but a full on dance number or big hair rock song. That desire is suppressed very deep in some people and not so deep in others, but in every soul it is there.

I say this because this weekend as part of my New Years trip, some friends and I joined in some “crazy karaoke”. Now, I, myself have no problem getting up in front of a group and doing my favorite karaoke song, “We Got the Beat” by the Go-Gos, with choreography mind you. (It really is quite spectacular; I finish with a back flip right into the splits. I can’t walk for an entire week after the deed is done, but it is well worth it.)

Some people just aren’t as quick to jump up and perform. But it only takes one or two people to sing like fools and then all those quiet backwards people who don’t say much, but you know the wheels of craziness are churning in their heads, arise and let out their inner-rock star.

Beware friends; because once you get those crazies up singing, they won’t sit down no matter how awkward it is for everyone else to watch. I just say, “Shine on you crazy diamond. Fulfill that need that has been too long suppressed.” But eventually we usually have to drag them off the stage. (Hint: A little chloroform in a rag will do wonders for you. Wonders)

This weekend we had one of our friends who was a little resistant to doing the whole karaoke thing, but he relented and decided to sing “Who Let the Dogs Out” in the style of a lounge singer. We think he thought a lounge singer was a show girl because he kept doing some nasty things with chairs and a large pine pole that seemed to be holding up our cabin.

At first we all gave him some charity laughs but then all of a sudden it got a little uncomfortable when he started with the pelvic thrusting and incessant winking.

You can imagine our relief when the song ended. But he was undeterred and just went right into the next song and started with the winking and pelvic thrusting again. We quickly just cut the power and said the karaoke machine was broken and it could never be repaired again. Ever.

I tell ya friends, once that instinctual karaoke beast has been released it is hard to get him back into his cage were he belongs. That beast can be powerful. But we as a people must learn to harness that power, and only use it for good. Singing:good. Pelvic thrusting and winking: not so good.